Monday, June 15, 2009

A push through day

A storm blew through yesterday evening. Didn't get a drop of rain.

6/15/09 Monday
It’s a particularly rough morning. Woke up with a headache and the paralysis in my right leg is very evident. Right now I walk in slow motion. The pain level started up high. That’s not good. Plus, now that I’m typing I detect that I am slow. Probably a three or four on the bob scale. I am going to try and stay focused on one task at a time. Right now I’m working on the clothesline poles I will turn into trellises. I need to run into town and buy some cable clamps to do this but really don’t want to drive or have to interact with the public when I’m like this. I think I’ll try to fabricate some here with scrap metal instead. At least that way I’m staying on task. Hope things clear up. It is hard just to find words to say what I want. On top of it all is this will be another hundred plus degree day. I woke up at five sweating so turned on the air conditioner. That’s a warm start for the day, about 78 degrees. It’s a push through day.
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10:49 – Well, I cleared up. Praise the Lord. Still have a headache but it’s not at the crawl into bed and turn off the lights level. My cognizance is up, around the seven on the bob scale I usually average, maybe even better than that. My leg is working much better as well. It’s still hot and getting hotter but I can’t change that so… I just got a call from Suzie in Toledo. To fill you new readers in, she’s the daughter of my former secretary, who was murdered last year. Things have been tough for them. Jobs simply aren’t available in Toledo, an automotive industry city sixty miles from Detroit and the home of Jeep. She just had her electricity turned off, tough when you have three teenage children. She asked if we had any spare money. After losing my disability check there isn’t much to spare. I told her I would ask some of the folks we know, who had helped greatly when her mother died. It’s the best I can do. She needs $400 to get the electric turned back on. If we can raise the money I’ll wire it directly to the electric company instead of sending it to her. Just think that would be a smarter way to do it. That way I’m sure the money goes for what it’s sent for.
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Geeze it’s hot. It’s noon so a good time to come in and take a break. I find it strange that I feel the headache more when I come in and sit down. I got the T-frame trellis set up. Next would be to prepare the soil for planting and run the irrigation lines. I can do that but don’t have anything to plant yet as I planned on putting tomatoes there. Last year I had much more planted by this time but I’ve spent a ton of time and energy getting things like fence posts and irrigation tape installed. Plus I’ve been focused on beating the sticker grass back a bit. That has required extensive use of the tiller and gratefully the old man let me borrow his disc to take care of the five acres. I don’t know if it’s the heat or the fatigue thing I have but just nodded off as I wrote. Suppose it would be a good idea to take a nap. It’s a good idea I don’t like but it’s what the doctors tell me I need to do.

Just nodded off again and my finger was on the keys so when I became aware the page was filled with ddddddddddddd//////////// Sometimes it’s just strange to be me. I’ll lay down now.
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I’m so frustrated. I used to be smart but now get lost so easily. For over an hour I have been trying to access the information I backed up from my computer to the Seagate external drive we got for that purpose. Now that my laptop is in pieces because the motherboard is dead I can’t get to all the business plan information I had been gathering since the first laptop got corrupted by a virus. I know it is in this external hard drive but I don’t know how to get to it. At least I hope it is there. If not or if I can’t access it then I must start over for the third time. There is two years worth of work all total that is trapped somewhere. The hard drive from the first laptop is in a box waiting for us to come up with the six or seven hundred dollars it will take to have a lab recover what’s on it, provided they can even recover anything. There is so much I want to do but can’t seem to do much at all. I need help but don’t know how to get it. Am I just doomed to piddle around and dream dreams that will never happen? Will I ever amount to anything? I used to be someone, I used to build businesses and was well known and respected in Toledo with articles about me in the paper and invitations to events. Now simple things can drive me crazy. Sure I lost about ten percent of my brain but what’s there works good, some of the time. It’s hard to be positive.

3 comments:

Vickie's Voyage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vickie's Voyage said...

Oh Bob...sorry to hear about your hard start to the day. I pray it will get better for you as the day goes on.
I understand you wanting to write about other experiences too...I think writing helps us a lot, don't you agree? I have seen and lived through some pretty horrible things myself in my life. My brother killed himself because he was all messed up on drugs (the hard stuff) and just decided to do it one day. And many other things too. Maybe I will do what you are thinking of doing too. We can both be anonymous!!! *smile*
I just finished mowing my front yard, alley and outside the fence and it is already hot out! Will do the back another day! But hey...I'm SMILING! Can you see it???? Its a wonderful day...another day that the Lord has allowed me to have! wooohooo!!!
I love you and Cherie! You are such a blessing and an inspiration to me!
And remember.....try to smile at least once a day! And always have a smile for that beautiful wife of yours!!!!
Love you guys!!!
Vickie

Bob said...

You're a sweetheart Vickie and an inspiration to us. Love ya back