Thursday, June 18, 2009

Want, need, vs ability

Just took this a few minutes ago. You can see the sand blowing, as it has for days now. It's always in my eyes, nose, and teeth. Not comfortable but that's life in West Texas desert country.

6/18/09 Thursday
It seems that Cherie’s computer is alright. One of the Trojans was particularly bad. Spysweeper said it was a “self replicating” one that not only fed your passwords and information to the sender but also was malicious and damaged the computer. After I ran Spysweeper and got rid of it I restarted Cherie’s laptop and ran it again. Sure enough, the damn thing showed up again. So hopefully we got rid of it for good.

There is always a conflict between what I want to do, need to do, and am able to do. I hurt myself yesterday doing something I needed to do. That was moving some railroad ties to where our herb garden is to be, to create raised beds. This was part of what I had paid to have help with when I traded Cherie’s car for labor. Without help I am a one man show. Cherie had reordered the mint plants after the other ones died. They died because I never got to building the raised beds. I didn’t get to it because I know that moving those railroad ties by myself is playing with fire. It’s hard for me to watch plants die because I can’t get to it so this time I “Bit the bullet” and moved some ties. I was able to move six of them before I was in too much pain to continue. There are two more to go just to complete half the job. That might not happen. This morning I’m paying the price. But there are things that need to be done so it’s grit my teeth and push on time. Thank God for pain pills.

If I could accomplish what I want to do, this place would be rocking. We would have a lawn. There would be wind break trees surrounding the place. All the farm plots would be fenced in. We would have chickens and miniature cows. The house would be beautiful, painted, and landscaped. All the rotten wood and bad windows would be replaced. The old store I have access to would be open for business and stocked with produce raised here. And on and on.
I had planned on getting this leveled out so these railroad ties would be nicely placed here where our strawberries are. But I wasn't able to so just dragged these into place yesterday while I was moving others to the herb garden.

If I could do what I need to do, everything would be planted. And…it’s depressing to think about so I’ll leave it there. So I do what I’m able when I’m able. Even that comes with a price. “I do the best I can with what I’ve got” is something I say a lot. I just came in to rest and take my pain pill, now that the correct time has passed to do so. As always I’m careful with them. So I can’t waste anymore time and must go back out to work. I haven’t finished working on the scam thing. Stopped that when the virus hit. But it plagues me that my brother has been duped so I won’t let it languish. Got to go.

Oh, I just remembered something I wanted to mention. You know how things often seem to work out, how when we have a need something happens to meet it? Well it happened again. The air conditioner on Cherie’s truck died. Yesterday the friend I poop scoop for showed up at her work. Because she is traveling so much and is seldom in town she decided to go ahead and pay me for the rest of the year of poop scooping. That should give us enough money to get her truck fixed. She didn’t have a clue Cherie’s truck needed work.
The sky yesterday

On that note, do any of you have someone you can recommend to work on her truck’s air conditioner? If so leave a comment or email me at
4:30 – I’m beat. Been running the tractor ever since lunch. It just ran out of gas, so did I, at least for now. I never know how tired I am till I come inside, then it hits me. I moved all the compost as best I could. It’s a challenge with that front end loader, mostly because you can’t tilt the bucket up to get a full load. I scraped lots of the compost running the tractor backwards. Reverse didn’t work all the time. So I pushed, pulled, and sometimes lifted partial bucket loads. My jeans are soaked with the hydraulic fluid that leaks out from the gear shifts and steering column. It won’t take long for that to get old. Time to lay down.

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