Fuzzy, confused, just another day

4/24/07 Tuesday
Woke up fuzzy headed. Thought processes slow. Got an E mail from pastor Dave. Was glad to see it. Perhaps it’s a start of a dialog. He made some good points that I need to hear. There is a problem that always happens without communication. Each party may have ideas of how the other is thinking that are not correct. It only takes a few words to help fix that. I wrote a long reply but slowed down and had to quit. Now writing this is hard. The ears are ringing but they always do somewhat. It’s just getting worse and…got to quit for a bit till this slowdown goes away.

It is10:34 now. Two and a half hours since the last entry. I have been sitting outside with a now cold cup of coffee thinking about pastor Dave’s E mail. There is so much to process. I am embarrassed and wondering how I will be received if I go to the Wednesday night dinner. This fear is not good. I don’t know how many I may have offended. Do they think…what do they think of me? There is so much I don’t know. I am debating writing more to pastor Dave but am afraid of making things worse. These are the times I want to withdraw into the safety of loneliness, that old friend who has been with me my whole life. A place where no one can hurt me, where they can’t reach me, can’t touch me.

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One of the reasons for this blog is to help others understand the problems that come with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) There are two links on the right to places dedicated to TBI. One is the Brain Injury Association (biausa.com) a national association dedicated to this. The other is Lash and Associates, which makes available extensive resources for caretakers and family of TBI survivors. On it is a forum where we talk. One of the major issues we have is a loss of social skills, you know, getting along with others. You think maybe I’m having a problem there?

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Depression is setting in. Another common problem, one that can destroy if unchecked. It pretty much destroyed me seven years ago. This is where Cherie and I hold each other up. We both fight it. I’m good at making her laugh. I’m tired now.

I've deleted sections at the request of the wife I so dearly love. I am tired, depressed and can't seem to blow my nose without causing problems