a little down

4/1/07 Sunday
April first, April fools day. Wonder where that came from, what the story is on how it became April Fools Day. We both had a hard time getting moving as I knew we would. Cherie worked on stuff as late as I did so we were both tired. She was running behind for church so I went ahead to Sunday school and met her at church. In Sunday school Darryl again mentioned going on the internet so after class I asked him about it. “Darryl, remember when we first got here and I told you about our blog? You said you didn’t do the internet thing and weren’t up to date on technology stuff”. He said he didn’t remember as he walked at a “In a hurry” gait. I asked how he was doing and he struggled to give me an answer as if he was uncomfortable talking with me. I may be imagining this but Cherie has felt that also. I don’t know but it’s got me a little depressed, wondering what I did to cause this. Then there is the shadow of paranoia where I wonder what others think about us knowing Darryl’s influence in this church. It’d be nice if any of them would take the time to visit, to do something more than a quick “How ya doin, things OK?”. We’re in the middle of a church with a few hundred people in it and we’re lonely. Go figure. I’m tired as I usually am by this time so will take a nap. I always feel uncomfortable when I write this knowing others will read it because I don’t want them to think I am lazy. This is a part of brain injuries. As I read Bob Woodruff’s website it was one of the issues he has to deal with. Bob, by the way, was just taking over as news anchor for ABC when he suffered a traumatic brain injury in Iraq. So I don’t take naps cause I am lazy or slothful. Just need a short rest.

Lately I’ve been spending evenings outside, setting on a folding chair I set up in a different spot each night. Tonight I am in the new garden area I have been working on. Some evenings I watch the sun set but others I go out after it gets dark. There is a peace out here, one that survives despite the encroaching sounds and sights of civilization.

Right now I clearly hear the sounds of the interstate two or three miles away and watch the traffic flow. There is a loud truck, I can make out different vehicles by the sound of their exhaust. Right now I can hear the sound of a car approaching from the north. Heard it miles ago and can tell it’s slowing down. Here you go! It’s the sound of a train blowing it’s mournful horns as it goes through Stanton eight miles away. Won’t be long and I’ll be able to see it as the rumble of the railroad wheels makes it’s way to me through the ground and along with the sound of the powerful motors pulling a mile long line of cars.

As I sit here I hear the sound of the oil well pump across the road in a steady rhythm that matches it’s lethargic rocking. There is the constant buzzing of the high power lines that in front of the house. That too has a rhythm as the buzzing ebbs and flows many times a minute. It constantly changes and in rainy weather you can hear it snap, crack, and popping like rice crispies on steroids.

Despite that it’s peaceful out here. An island from whence we see the lights that identify the human touch on all sides though much less to the north. There is a full moon that shines on everything with it's silky white light, casting black shadows in contrast. What I try to listen to is the sounds of nature, the crickets or whatever’s that woke up with everything else. Yesterday the coyote pack back. They started howling early followed with the loud yapping that sounds like a bunch of puppies playing.

I am tired and it is getting late so I’m going back in now.