Easter

4/8/07 Sunday
It’s Easter Sunday and it’s twenty four degrees out. I woke up with a headache. Was up and down all night. It helped me keep the fire going in the wood stove though that is not why I was up. Just couldn’t get comfortable no matter what.

We’re not going to church this morning despite it being Easter. Don’t feel up to it and am only operating at a five on the bob scale. Not real cognizant at all. I don’t know how it is here but in most churches across America Easter is a fashion show as women, and probably a few men, trot out their best for church. Nothing really that wrong with that but we can’t compete. I don’t care personally but Cherie doesn’t have a lot that she can wear anymore. She has a lot of really nice stuff but with age clothes sizes change. Gone for me are the days my suits were all hand tailored and I had the best of everything. Now I wear jeans to church though they are my best “dress” jeans. How life changes. All that is not why I’m not going, just don’t feel up to it.

I’m a little depressed about my not keeping up with things. I dream of building a business with this farm but can’t seem to handle planting and caring for a garden. I know it’s early and all and an Easter freeze is something out of my control but that’s not it. I planned on covering the corn, draining the water hose, and wrapping that spigot to protect it from freezing. Planned it, told Cherie I’d do it, thought up ways how to do it, wrote about doing it, and nothing got done. It just vanished from this mind as all things do from time to time, only to return when it is too late. Eats away at my confidence.

My thoughts constantly turn to my family, wondering how my dad is, what my brother is saying about me, if anything, and how my sister, Robin, is doing. I’ve been meaning to send her an E mail for a couple of months now but that is just another thing that doesn’t get done. I imagine walking up to my dad’s house and knocking on the door. In that daydream we talk things out and I help him understand why I was such a strange son (Asberger’s syndrome). In the end I am accepted by my father. Like I said, it’s a daydream.

Not the best way to start a day.