In search of God

9/24/09 Thursday
I went out to work on the tractor but it’s raining. It isn’t supposed to rain. This means I work on the business plan. Whether it’s a painful toe or now this rain it seems that I am constrained to focus on this and my writing. I have a big problem with people who interpret every little thing as a sign from God, who spiritualize everything. In doing so they often go down wrong paths. For me, I continue to seek God. This morning I read Ezekiel 16 for my morning bible reading. Ezekiel is a graphic book to say the least. The chapter is a prophesy to Jerusalem and in it I see parallels to my own life. In Jerusalem’s youth she followed the ways of God and then, after growing older and wealthier she became the “harlot” and chased after all the world. But in the end God restored her, and did so because of the promise He had made in her youth. Atonement was the word used in the last verse, atonement provided by the Lord. And Jerusalem was ashamed because of her past. These things I can relate to. I was a minister, a pastor, and I turned back to my old ways only was worse because I was successful and had the means. So now I am ashamed and pay a price for those life choices. When I went to pray my dogs both came to me longing for pets, licking my face and putting their heads under my hands. In this I see how I long for God too. I pray and plead for His touch but am uncertain if God is there. But I will continue to seek Him no matter what my rational mind says. And things continue to come together in a way rationality can’t explain. Yesterday a stranger gave us a $160.00 check. I haven’t met him, the check was delivered by someone else we know from church. We don’t ask for money or advertise but when things get tight or there is a need funds appear or the need is met. This came when we needed it, out of the blue and without warning. It reinforces in my mind that God has a plan for us, a specific plan and path He mapped out long ago. And He is guiding us on that path despite my ignorance and doubts. So it’s muddy and rainy out thus I will work on the business plan and write instead of working outside.