I cried? Oh, guys don't cry.

8/13/09 Thursday
10:40 – I got out to work by 7:20 this morning. Boy was it nice, there was a nice breeze and it was cool, maybe 75 degrees. So I fired up the mower and again attacked the three foot high weeds. I have to lift the front of the mower way up to push the weeds back and then slowly go over them so the mower won’t stall. I’ve been trying to avoid the sticker grass as the clippings are getting put in the soil where I’ll be planting soon. There will be plenty of sticker seeds in it no matter what I do but at least I can reduce that number. What I plan on doing later is taking the hoe to the sticker grass. I was mowing it to catch the stickers in the grass catcher but decided that wasn’t the smartest way to do it. I had noticed stickers flying all over the place when the mower went over them. So what I did all day yesterday was scrape the sticker grass loose with the hoe and then rake it all up. My burn pile of sticker grass is three foot high and six foot long now and there’s plenty to go. One of these days I’ll have the equipment to keep all the ground tilled all year long. That will break the cycle of weeds going to seed and making more weeds. There will always be weeds but this will get a handle on them.

I had to come in, not only because my back pain was getting way up there but I was once again getting light headed and had a hard time figuring things out. Right now writing takes some effort. Plus I’m getting one of those headaches. Hope it doesn’t get too bad. It’s warming up pretty quick so I’m sure that contributes to all this. I can’t take a pain pill till eleven but that’s only four minutes away now so I’ll go ahead and do so. Then I’ll lay down in front of a fan after I post this and after a bit go back to work.

I got an email from my sister yesterday. She said my dad was glad to get the card I sent and actually wrote a letter back. Right now he can’t write so she transcribed it for him and put it in the email. I cried a little when I read it. Not much mind you cause guys don’t cry you know. He said he looked forward to visiting with me though he is too weak to do so right now. That’s the part that got me, that’s a breakthrough. Dad goes for his MRI in Houston today. This is when they see if the chemotherapy has done any good. It is a crucial moment. Please pray. There is so much in my life that is being restored. These are miraculous things to me, things I never thought possible. My remarriage to Cherie is an undeniably amazing set of events that just defies all the odds. Here I am struggling with my belief in God being there but these things, many more things than this, sure indicate there is an unseen hand putting my life together. And it’s still going on. I feel a sense of direction, a sense of destiny.

While in the hospital, waking from the coma, I remember telling the nurses and staff to remember me because there was a reason I was alive, something great was going to come of it. Was I delusional in the confusion of my damaged mind struggling just to comprehend the world around me? Beats me but the evidence is building up. Where this came from I don’t know. I remember when, after they taught me how to walk and then allowed me to do so without someone holding my arm, struggling to the chapel down the hall. There was no one inside. I went up to the altar and sat down because I didn’t have the strength to keep standing. There I prayed “God, are you there? Do you exist? If you do forgive me for turning my back on you. Help me do better. Help me be the kind of person you like. Help me do good things and not go back to what I was”.
I carved this in St. Louis as I recovered from the accident that killed me. It is the creed I live by. (click to enlarge)



Every day I wake up is a good day. Sure I have my ups and downs but I am always grateful for life. Always. What was important to me at one time means little now. What I can do for others means much.

I’m tired again. Will go lay down so I can get back to work. I know that sounds strange, lay down to get to work, but that’s how it is. A half hour to forty minutes rest refreshes and allows the pain to go down to tolerable levels. Of course the pain pill helps also. So that’s it for now.
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2:27 – I should do that twitter thing seeing as I give regular updates, sometimes. But I don’t have time, don’t need to add to all the things I must do as it is. Anyway, it’s officially hot out now and I’m done for a while. Pushed as far as I could. This would be a good time to work on the business plan. After I get done dripping sweat all over that is. I’m going to get a towel to dry off and sit in front of the fan. First I think I’ll pour some cold water over my head. That will help me cool down.

Whoooo, that felt good. Now I’m tempted to go stand in front of a water sprinkler but won’t. I’ll lay down for a bit and let the back relax, then I’ll get to work on the business plan. I think I’m on my second gallon of water for today. Not quite but I’ve drunk a lot of tea.
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The bees are back. It seems to happen every year. They are attracted by the smell of honey from the old bee hives under the house. With the wood siding rotted in many places they have no problem finding a way in. Once one discovered the honey it told the rest and now we have hundreds of bees flying all over the place. When you walk out the door you can hear the droning buzz. Nuts. I hope they don’t try to move in like before, that they just steal all the old honey and be done with it, but that’s wishful thinking. It really upsets me to have to kill them, but there’s no other way to get rid of them that I know. We can’t afford to have a bee guy come in and move the hive. I guess they grab the queen and the rest follow. Besides that I doubt he would crawl into the crawl space underneath the house to do it. It’d be nice if I could set up a hive outside. We plan to eventually have honey bees but that won’t happen soon. That comes with the apple and peach orchards.