Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wish the wind would blow

I think these boots are six or seven months old. I'd have to go back in this journal to check but regardless they are pretty much worn out.(click to enlarge)The sole is even cracked through. So it's time to get another pair and we've been watching for sales because money's always tight. But it shows that I work hard. I guess I'm proud of that but don't think that's wrong.

8/12/09 Wednesday
I wish the wind would blow. There’s a gentle breeze that comes and goes but it doesn’t do much to cool me off. Hard to believe there isn’t a wind out here. After all this is West Texas where the winds blow hard and fast much of the time. With the humidity at 40% or something like that the heat really makes itself known. If there was a wind it would evaporate the sweat from my soaked t-shirt and really help. It’s 11:00 now and I just came in. Didn’t get out to work till 8:30 this time. I liked it yesterday when I was out before 8:00. That really helps me get more done. So I’ve got the fan on high as I write this and it’s doing a good job considering I’m soaking wet.

I’ve been using the hoe all morning, chopping down weeds in one of the plots that is planted with the hay before I turn the water sprinklers on. As I work I always think but unfortunately I have a hard time remembering what I came up with when I come in. That’s getting better, my ability to remember, as time goes by. There is always much on my mind and this morning it’s mostly my brother, but my dad and…well something else that I won’t talk about right now. It’s an old issue that I need to resolve locally. In all three cases it involves writing. What to write to my brother, what to write to my dad, and what to write to the other situation. I run scenarios through my mind as I try to extrapolate the possible ramifications of different ways of saying, or not saying things. I’ve made so many waves in the past with my blunt honesty that I’m learning to think before I speak. That’s hard because of my belief in being honest, of saying what I mean. But I’m figuring out that it’s not what you say but how you say it that’s important. I’m a little gun shy now I guess.

On Facebook I’ve been hooking up with a lot of the Jews who are connected with Jacob the Jew, who’s link is on the right. This is exciting to me for a complex reason. On GLC (God’s Learning Channel, channel 42 if you use an antenna like we do) there are many teachers of the Torah, which is the old testament to the Christians. I’ve developed a great interest in this and the historical Hebrew language and alphabet. Plus I have an affinity with the Jewish people, nation, and history that has always been there. It is the root of Christianity. Jesus was a Jew and all the writers of the new testament were Jewish as well. To learn and understand the language and cultures of biblical times great enhances your understanding of what the bible says. The biggest area of that interest for me is the prophets. Here I feel I can find the confirmation I seek for the existence of God. It’s a strange thing to believe in God but not “know” for sure He’s there. I’ve wrestled with that ever since I woke from the coma. This is directly associated with the brain injury and is such a common problem for us survivors of TBI that there are whole websites devoted to that. There is an area of the brain called the Amygdala that is at the base next to where the memory centers are. Because it is where the brain connects with the spinal cord this is an area that is hit hard as the head, and consequently the brain, is rocked back and forth during a damaging head trauma. Scientists have dubbed this the “God center” of the brain because it’s the area that lights up the most during religious activity. This is also why memory problems are a principle symptom of traumatic brain injuries. So I choose to believe in a God I don’t know is there and I pray to a God that I don’t know hears me. Is that the definition of faith? I just trust He’s there without knowing.

Enough of that. I have a headache but it’s tolerable. There is much writing that needs to be done but lots of farm work as well. It’s unfortunate that doing one means the other gets neglected. I’ve cooled off though my t-shirt is still wet. But it’s lunch time so I suppose I should eat a piece of the chicken that’s in the fridge. I’m tired but I’m always tired at this time of the day. But a short nap does wonders for me. I hate to take one because every hour it gets hotter out. It’s always a case of checks and balances when it comes to deciding what to do in this scenario. I think I’ll eat and lay down for a half hour or so. That will give the pain pill I had to take time to kick in.

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