Long day, hard ending

4/26/06 Wednesday
2:09 – It has been a long day already. I just got back from taking Fred over to the dealership about his car. That went predictably as no one takes responsibility. After talking to the service manager and the mechanic I took Fred to see the sales manager. He will talk to his boss and have him call me tomorrow. I took Fred over to his Caddy to get some stuff out and then came home. Right now I am exhausted so will lay down for a short time. I have to pick Cherie up from work at 4:45.

Managed to pick up Cherie almost on time. I don’t know why I am so tired. Cherie tells me I have been this way for a couple of days. Who knows what’s going on. Cherie is doing laundry right now so I thought it would be a good time to catch up on this journal.

This morning I took Wayne to the housing class at LMHA. It took two hours but is needed to get Wayne moved out. It also helps me understand how the system works in this area. Wayne always talks my ear off when we get together. I really feel bad because this is due to his being alone with few chances for conversation. His son comes by but usually to bum money or food. The last time he visited with his child and the child’s mother Wayne caught him trying to steal money out of his wallet. Not good. If I can get Wayne moved he may be in an area where he has people he can talk to without worrying about getting robbed.

With that done I came home and got Fred. He wanted to go to the dollar stores and Radio Shack before I took him to see about his Caddy. Fred was looking for a phone cord for Barb. There were none at the dollar stores and Radio Shack wanted $7.00 for their twenty five foot one. Fred almost had a fit at that, loudly proclaiming how he wouldn’t pay that much and could buy it for a dollar somewhere else. I got the light bulbs Fred always buys for his magnifying reader and apologized to the store clerk as he bagged them.

Fred is broken by the Caddy breaking down. He asked me to do all the talking at the dealership. I am not comfortable with this. I have hard enough of a time trying to take care of my own problems much less taking on Fred’s decisions here. It is no problem spending time taking Fred to the store and being a chauffeur but now he is handing me more responsibility. I will do the best I can because I know he has few others to help him. Most of his friends and family are dead now. I will do what I can.

Here again is the car I had my wreck in. I know it looks bad but the wreck was a good thing, leading to a reevaluation of life and helping me get free of the demons that plagued me at the time. Plus it was what led me back to Cherie.

It is 7:30 now. I am going through a slow down. It started maybe twenty minutes ago. The brain isn’t doing too badly but the paralysis on the right side is pronounced. There is a headache coming and I have already had Cherie close the blinds because I am getting sensitive to the light. I have been disconnected for the last few days and got lost while driving both Monday and Tuesday. You can see it in my incomplete entries to this journal. It makes me worry about my ability to handle rebuilding the farm. NBC news has featured brain injuries with our soldiers in Iraq for the last two days. Today they showed a soldier who’s brain injury did not become apparent till he came home. His wife started noticing how he would easily get angry about things that would not normally bother him. In addition he has memory problems. As Cherie watched she said it sounded like they were describing me. They were. This is par for the course with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).

Right now I am trying to publish this entry and two pictures on the blog. I just thought of a good analogy for my slow downs. It is like being stuck with a dial up internet connection. Processing information takes much longer and I often have to start over because I lost something just like I am with uploading this picture. I am now on the third try and suspect I will have to try again. I am blessed to have a wife who understands and takes the role of a caregiver during these times. Sometimes I get grouchy and she endures it, knowing it will pass.

Looks like it is time for try number four to get this picture published.
I got one up earlier but this last one showing the Texas skyline at the farm is giving me fits. The partial seizure has my ears ringing and head spinning. I have to be careful walking because in addition to the loss of equilibrium my control of the right leg is hampered. It can be hard when you are not aware of where your foot is or is going. Fun Fun. Nothing like having to look down to make sure your foot is where it needs to be in order to walk.
Enough whining. It is time for try number five on the picture.

It took me two hours to get this entry published. I finally chose a different picture to put on the blog and that worked right away. This has happened before but this time it took a while to figure it out. I hate when my brain is on dial up. The analogy works well here and may help me convey what it is like to have these episodes. I am tired and will call it a day now.