The Love of my life. She is as beautiful inside as she is outside

11/28/05 Monday
It is 2:00 in the morning. I have been awake for an hour and couldn’t get back to sleep. I couldn’t get my brother Larry out of my mind. I am still struggling with what I should do about him. I think I will send him an E-mail. He had told Aunt Virginia that now that he had a job he would pay me what we had agreed on concerning my mothers estate. He said that he would finally get me off his ass about it. That’s funny. (Not really). I guess I will add this to the list of lies he has told. It is getting long.
Larry has been a conundrum. He was the only family who helped me when I woke from my coma but even that was rough. I have to wonder what he has told my family about me but will probably never know. Regardless he stole from me, taking everything of value from my mothers estate when she died. He never told me she died until I confronted him an it. His excuse was that I was living under a bridge so he felt he couldn’t do anything for me. I am sure he has latched onto this story and will tell it to anyone to justify his actions. Fact is he knew where I was living and it wasn’t under a bridge. After much wrangling he agreed to pay me $1500 as my “Half” of the inheritance but never sent me a dime. I am torn by this. He is my brother and he did help me but he has lied and stolen from me. How should I handle this? I sent him an E mail. Probably should have waited till I was settled down but I didn’t.
This morning I am doing better. Yesterday was rough. I was slow all day, which hasn’t happened in a while, but the migraine was the ending of a bad day. It was one of those close the blinds and turn off the TV migraines. I took two of the migraine pills and that seemed to help a little. This morning I still have that light headed feeling and the strange thing is I am extremely hungry. It is unusual for me to feel hunger and this time it is like I have been starved. I guess that indicates that portion of the brain is active this morning.
Right now I am at Ed Schmidt Chevy to get Fred’s car looked at. Cherie had called me from work this morning and told me she had forgotten her phone and time cards. She asked me to bring them to her which I am more than glad to do. I called her as I was driving up so she could come out to get them. When she did I teased her by saying “You’ll do anything to get a kiss”. She laughed and kissed me and I gave her the stuff. I told her I love it when she laughs and that she is beautiful. “Have a good day honey. I’ll see you when you get home” I said and drove off to come to Ed Schmidt.
I need to take my seizure prescriptions to the VA clinic on Glendale to have them filled. I should have done that earlier but of course forgot. I only have enough to last another week and the refill slip says it take two weeks to get. I still have some of the smaller doses left so that should tide me over.
If I remember I will stop by Wayne’s to visit and pick up the vacuum cleaner we had given him. I felt bad about asking for it back and wouldn’t have if I didn’t find out he has another one sitting there. That little thing Cherie bought has a high pitched whine that hurts the ears and generally sucks but not in the way it’s supposed to. I had looked at the prices of vacuums at a store and was surprised at how much they cost. We tried cheap but you get what you pay for so will keep her old one running best we can.
As I waited in the lounge for them to get done with Fred’s Caddy I got into a conversation with a lady who was also waiting. It started when Dr. Phil came on the TV. I told her about how the show on schizophrenia, how it helped me understand a little what Dixie goes through. From there it went to my wreck, coma, memory loss, living on the street, and getting back with Cherie. As always when I talk about Cherie I get teary eyed. She asked me if I was a Christian or more specifically if Jesus is my Lord. I said yes though I am no longer sure about that stuff.
It was about 80 degrees in the lounge and the TV noise made it hard for me to think so I found an isolated chair in a corner of the showroom. I did remember that Fred had been talked into getting a protective coating for the front end of the Caddy that was added to the loan so I am inquiring when that can be done. The salesman is busy right now so I will wait to catch him. Hope I remember.
It is amazingly warm out side and the wind is whipping. I took off the flannel shirt to cool off. Don’t worry, I have a long sleeve T shirt on underneath so it’s not like I am stripping down and shocking others with my fat hairy belly. Gee, maybe I should take a picture of it so my readers can get disgusted. Nah, that wouldn’t work out to good. All two of the people who read this would abandon ship.
I am home now. It is 2:55. They found the problem an Fred’s car. It was a loose ground wire. When I caught up with the sales man he looked at me as if waiting for me to get upset again. He was relieved to learn I just needed to set up a time to get Fred’s car clear coated. He said the guy was going to call Fred so I let him know he had to call me cause I am the only one driving the car. He got a hold of the guy and we set up a time tomorrow morning to get it done.
I had forgotten about the prescription until I saw the pill bottle when I got the calendar out to write down the clear coat time. I had been planning to go straight to Wayne’s at that moment. That’s normal for me and I am good at compensating for the memory problem, putting things where I can see them and remember. I know some will think that short term memory loss means the memories don’t exist in my mind. That is absolutely not true. The memories are there, just my ability to access them is hampered.
Medical science recognizes three kinds of memory. There is immediate memory, short term memory, and long term memory. I was just reading in Scientific American about a study at the University of Leicester in England on how the brain’s memory works. They tested eight epileptics who had 64 tiny electrodes implanted in their brains before epilepsy surgery. These were used to pinpoint the source of their seizures. They would show the patients pictures of movie stars and found that specific neurons would fire for each individual shown. Seven different pictures of Halle Berry all triggered the same neuron. This is facial recognition which uses a particular part of the brain. Other memories use different areas of the brain. I can remember talking to someone, remember what was said, but if I saw the person the next day I would not recognize their face. This is one of the things that throws folks off. There have been several times that some had figured I would forget so they tried to take advantage of that. Doesn’t work that way. I forget little details such as faces and dates but remember things like what was said, especially if it bothered me. All my memories are there, just my ability to access them is hampered. I compensate for this by keeping this journal as I was taught to do at the Brain Injury Institute in St. Louis. It acts like a key, helping me unlock the memories.
I have been feeling strangely weak all day in addition to being hungry all day despite stopping at McDonalds for breakfast. I just whipped up some scrambled eggs and still feel hungry. Who knows what that means. Perhaps that part of the brain has rewired itself and is working better. We will see.
I had a revelation as I sat on the toilette. I have been feeling urpie since yesterday and as I was taking care of business I could hear my stomach groaning and bubbling like crazy. Last night the stomach was having me burp prodigiously and I had a mild diarrhea which has amplified itself today. The brain interprets signals from the body and thus we feel pain, pleasure, and fatigue. Because the part that tells me I am hungry does not work well I have to wonder if this brain is interpreting an upset stomach as hunger. Who knows. I just know that I can’t put too much stock in toilette revelations.
I went to Wayne’s and we talked for a while about things like housing and the Christmas party. I was getting tired so excused myself. Still tired and will probably take my afternoon nap. I was told this is a normal thing with TBI.
Checked my E mail hoping that Larry responded but there was nothing. I suppose he will continue to hope I will just go away and let him get away with ripping off his kin. Not likely.
Cherie came home tired and when she got out some stew meat to start cooking I said “Let’s go out and eat”. She said we couldn’t afford it so I told her we could go someplace not expensive. It took a bit but I talked her into going to Bob Evans. While we were eating there she looked at me and thanked me for doing this. We enjoyed each other’s company and came home. Cherie fell asleep in my arms and is still sleeping as I write. It is good to be in love. I told her earlier that I haven’t smiled and laughed this much in 25 years. (Since we married the first time) Neither has she. It is 7:30 now and I think I will end this entry and publish this.