Wednesday, November 30, 2005


This is our first wedding

11/30/05 Wednesday
This morning I am running at a six or seven on the Bob scale but am physically tired. Yesterday started out good but by 4:30 things took a turn for the worst. I am completing yesterdays entry at the moment. Last night I had a hard time remembering the day but as is often the case I remember it fine this morning. This is one of the quirks with my brain injury. Different parts of the brain handle the various types of memory. The immediate and short term areas are damaged as evidenced by my not remembering if I washed my hair while showering. To compensate for that I stick with a routine of starting at the top and working my way down.

I am real tired. Just lost a whole bunch of stuff I had just written. Kinda going down hill right now. Spent an hour trying to figure out how to recover what I lost with no luck. Headache coming and just want to go back to bed. The new landlords will be taking pictures of the apartments for insurance so I cleaned things up. Real frustrated right now. I hoped to hear from Larry but as usual he will disappoint me.
I just called Larry. As usual it did not go well. He remembered things the way he wanted to and changed everything we had agreed on. I got upset and he told me that he hasn’t called because that always happens. I said “What am I supposed to do Larry? Jump up for joy because you don’t do what you say? Is there anything you tell me that I can count on?” I told him I covered his ass with the state of Texas for forging Jessica’s signature on the truck. He got onto the coin collection so I reminded him it was Minnie Lee’s. Jessica had taken it to sell for her and just kept it. I told him again that Minnie Lee said she wanted me to have it. He just laughed when I let him know that her statement was in the two hours of recordings we made of her when we visited a year ago. I am done with this and will report him to the state for the forgery. I tried and tried but give up. He broke the law and there is no getting around it but I am sure he will paint me as the bad guy. Maybe when I settle down I will not report him. I don’t know.
Larry called back and apologized for hanging up on me. He said he had lost his job so didn’t have any money. He was in the middle of moving out of his house when I called and I could hear him talking to the guys moving things. I said “I thought you were buying that house” to which he replied “I am. Actually a friend bought it for me and I am just making the payments to him”. Beats me why he is moving out of the house he is buying and making payments on. He did say he had a new job.
He said that I had promised him I would pay him back for the money he spent helping me which he put at $3000.00. I asked him when I made that promise and he said it was while I was in St. Louise. “Larry, I wasn’t all there at the time. I went back and read the resume’s I had been sending out and it was pretty clear I wasn’t to rational. Hell I had a cover letter that started out with something like, I just woke up from a coma so I will make a good employee” (I got copies of all that stuff and now it is hilarious in a sad sort of way)
He said I didn’t appreciate all he had done for me. I told him I did and was grateful because he was the only family member who did anything for me. I reminded him that I had not been keen on his taking me and had told him I would be a big burden on him. Larry’s answer at the time was “That’s no problem, I’ve got plenty of money so you won’t have to worry about anything”. It seems to be his pattern to make big impressive promises that he can’t keep. The mouth is bigger than the ability. Larry told me he had no choice but to get me because they were going to put me in a homeless shelter where I would probably have been killed. “Larry, I’ve been through the homeless shelters and now know that the Salvation Army would have gotten me into the system and gotten me the medical help I needed” I told him. He said he did the best he could and I have to agree with that.
In the course of conversation we covered several areas of the St. Louis time. When I said that he had handed me a phone book and told me to find a job he reminded me that I was the one who was all gung ho to get a job. I stand corrected on that because I was trying real hard not to be a burden and to get back on my feet. I reminded Larry that once he had moved me to the Chippewa residence he did push me to get a job. Not that that was wrong. I just wasn’t capable of holding down a job and had been fired from all three jobs I had gotten once the employer could see I wasn’t all there.
I said something to him about him dumping me at the Chippewa residence to which he said “I didn’t dump you. You’re the one who talked to Gary about moving in there”. That also is true. “Larry, you would bitch every day about how much it cost you to keep me in that hotel. Come on, it was stupid to pay $125.00 a week to put me there so I was trying to do what I could to help with that” I let him know. It was good for me to hear his view of these things. There are always two sides to an issue and then the truth. Both of us saw the same things differently and knowing his side increases my understanding. I won’t tell the state of his theft. At least not now.
He did say he would send me what he had promised long ago and asked that I send him one of the proof coin sets as a memento of Rudy. I am more than happy to do that. I told him I would believe him about sending money as my share of Jessica’s estate when I got it because it is a promise he has made many times and not done. His lack of honesty is frustrating. I wish he would just say what he meant instead of telling me whatever he thinks I want to hear and then not doing what he says.

Now the rest of the day. At 2:00 I went down and picked up the food Fred had for Barb and the mail he always wants me to take to the post office at the first of the month. This is all his bills and he doesn’t trust it to be left in the open box for the outgoing mail of this apartment building.
I scheduled a time to take Wayne to this Nu Vision church so he could get some clothes for winter and planned to drop the stuff off at Barb’s on the way to get him. Barb was doing ok as far as I could tell. As I talked with her I was again aware of how simple she was. Kind of like a 12 hear old. The kittens were running all over the place as usual. She had a Christmas card for Fred and talked about the kittens paw print on it with her laugh. Again I wished I could get her out of her environment and into someplace safe without all the drugs and users but I can’t.
I got Wayne to the church and we met the pastor. He is not at all what one would expect but that was fine with me. I always would rather deal with someone who is real and not putting on airs. He had shaved head and multiple ear rings. Considering the church is in one of the highest crime, drug, and gang banger areas in town a suit wouldn’t get far.
The church is an old one built in the forties and was beautiful despite not having been maintained for years. I think it had been abandoned but don’t know for sure. There was a BIG old pipe organ that he said was still operational. The stained glass windows were perhaps 20 feet tall and intricate with pictures of Jesus and stuff.
The clothes were on the third floor and because Wayne can’t climb stairs I went up and picked out some clothes and brought them down for him to see. I had a nice talk with the pastor and think he has it together. They hold their services downstairs where there are half a dozen couches and a bunch of other easy chairs. He said that the main auditorium was just too big for the number of folks who come. When we got done I helped Wayne get up the eight steps to the door and we left. I took Wayne home and he thanked me again for all the help I have given him.
(Right now as I write this I am having trouble identifying which memories are today’s and which are yesterday. This is not unusual when it comes to recalling events the same day they happened.)
What I did after that I don’t know at the moment but will probably be able to recall it tomorrow. I got home and Cherie fixed dinner. I was and am tired.
I just called my son Bruce and was lucky enough to get him. He will be shipping out to Iraq Monday. I asked if there was anyway I could see him and he said it would be hard with all the preparation and ceremonies before they all ship out. I also asked how Adam was doing and he was rather vague. I explained that I have been trying to get in touch with Adam for quite some time now with no luck and asked Bruce if he could encourage Adam to call me. I sent Bruce an E mail with a picture and asked if I could get a picture of him and Adam. I also told him about the blogs. Not sure what he will think of them. I may be able to E mail Bruce overseas.
It is 10:00 now and I am tired. Cherie just got back from her parents house. She had been over there earlier and learned that her sister Cathy had been gluing her shoes together to keep them going. Cherie had bought a pair of boots for her for Christmas and was thinking of giving them early. “Cherie, take those boots to her right now. We are buying shoes and clothes for others but need to take care of family first”. She had pretty much already decided that but just wanted my support of her decision.
I am tired and done for the day. Good night you guys and God bless.

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