Thursday, December 15, 2005

12/15/05 Thursday
(reminder; Bruce’s E mail)
When Cherie checked my E mail there was a reply from Bruce in Kuwait. When she told me as she pulled it up I stopped everything and went to read it. His humor was apparent as he started with “Sand Sucks” and ended saying this was sent from the cat litter box of the mid east. I miss him greatly and always get emotional with the rare contact. Now that Bruce is overseas and E mail is his only means of communication I will be able to talk to him more than when he was home. That’s ironic but I’ll take what I can get from the kid I raised since he was four. Adam I have sent several E mails to with no replies. I will just keep sending them and hope he will not just delete them unread.
I am not to speedy this morning. Was up till 12:30 blogging cause I couldn’t sleep. In the process I ran into a few bad sites that would just pump porn pop ups onto the screen. I got out of them as fast as I could but when I got up this morning this laptop wouldn’t go online. I started running the spyware programs and found I had two Trojans and 175 infections total. Not good. I’m going to have to pay for a good protection program instead of going the cheap route with the free stuff. If any of you out there have some suggestions I would be happy to hear from you.
I am sure of having today off unless someone I serve has an emergency because it is snowstorm time. We are expecting six or eight inches and it is the thick heavy snow. There will be mix of snow and rain in some areas and it is a roll of the dice whether we get it here or not. Cherie E mailed me to say she slid into a curb on the way to work but she and the car were OK. I sent a reply that said “Poke around coming home. Don’t be in a hurry because the poor curbs have enough problems without you running into them.
It’s a shame I am not up to speed. I was going through the hundreds of pictures trying to organize them and that is a mess. Got duplicates all over and I am having a hard time figuring out how to move this stuff around and then forget what I just figured out, having to learn it all over again. Then I go to one of the other places and programs that have pictures and get lost again. That is why I took a break to write in this journal, to distress so this brain can process all this better. Took my pill and fixed scrambled eggs.
Allen just called to see if I wanted to come over. He lives in a basement with no windows and also doesn’t watch local or national news so he had no idea it was snowing out. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere today. He thanked me for the dinner and getting him out. Nuff said, I’m going to sort pictures and perhaps carve. Been saying I would carve for weeks now and haven’t touched a tool but every time I look at my project I see things to do on it.
It is 1:12. I have been sorting pictures, making folders, combining folders, and deleting pictures but have to quit as I am getting confused and worry I may delete or screw something up where I can’t fix it. I have a mild headache, you know a normal one not one of the turn off the lights and crawl under the covers one. I’ll take aspirin and go carve where I can just focus on something instead of trying to keep up with the hundreds of pictures I have. It’s tough when you see two or three of the same picture and lose track of which one you were going to delete and where you were sending the other one. Nothing like moving the same picture three or more times to fill you with confidence. (Sarcasm intended) Time for a break.
I washed dishes, which is painful as always. Now I realize I am tired and need to take a nap. So frustrating when I used to work hard for 12 to 16 hours a day and now six hours of being awake and just sorting pictures tires me out.

Now it is 2:37 and I have to wonder about the herbal stuff. Why does it have such a profound effect on me? It kind of wakes my brain up when I am slow. That usually comes with stress so maybe the stress relieving qualities are the catalyst. It is still snowing and will all night.
I just unpacked the sewing machine I bought for Cherie and am amazed at the feelings washing over me. Just knowing how happy she will be, what a smile it will put on her face fills me with excitement. I set the stage, placing the machine on top of a small table and put the big red bow I bought on it. Looking at it I think “Nah…that’s not right” and then started trying different things and settle on one which I took pictures of. Then I changed it. This is not like me to fret over appearances but with Cherie it is different. Of all the things in this world there is nothing that can make me happier and feel good than making Cherie happy.

There was a time when I would have found the previous statement to be sickeningly sweet but now that is all changed. Look at me, a former tough guy and criminal who’s been to prison, all in love and mushy. Works for me. I’ve never been happier or felt as secure in my life. I’m sure we will have tough times because that is a part of life but we will face them together and do it well. When two become one there is a strength that far exceeds what can be attained when two are alone.

4:38 Well I did it again. Cherie had called or told me this morning to cook either the chicken or beef that was defrosting in the fridge. I was just looking at the clock to see how close it was till Cherie came home when I remembered. Rush time.

4:57 OK. Now I changed the stage for Cherie’s sewing machine, putting it at a slight angle with her dandy flexible light (Works real good for my carving).

Fred just called as I knew he would because Barb had called minutes earlier. She asked what time I would be there tomorrow to take them to the church for food. I told her that if the roads are icy I wasn’t going any where. She left me Dawn’s number to call in the morning and let them know.
I don’t remember if I wrote of this before so will now anyway. Barb’s phone was shut off because her payee didn’t pay the bill. This has been a consistent problem for her and I am beginning to suspect that there has been some hanky panky going on. St. Paul’s has had problems before where employees were charged with embezzlement. They handle thousands of dollars every month for people who are in such a shape that they can’t be trusted with their government check. This is a big temptation, especially when your clients aren’t all there. Besides they are poor and the poor have no ability to get the help they need with the exception of the few lawyers who do pro bono work. With Barb first there was $700 missing then $600 then it was found and now she has nothing spare. This has the familiar ring of someone juggling multiple accounts, moving money around to hide what is missing.
I fixed chicken and mashed potatoes and it came out good despite being a last minute rush. I never did nap so am tired now. Will call it a day on the journal.

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