Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Here's a picture of the car I had my wreck in. I was flung out the back window as it rolled end over end.

12/13/05 Tuesday
Good morning. I had a restless night and so did Cherie. We both would wake up in the middle of the night. I had more of the strange highly detailed dreams that I used to have. I woke up at 4:30 and then at 6:00 or so as Cherie got ready for work. She will take half a day off with pay as she has unused time off from work. I may not be here but that is OK as she has lots of things planned for this time off. I definitely want to do some visiting today. Running about a seven this morning. I tried to call Dave Miller only to find his number is no longer his when someone else answered. Now I will go check on him for sure.
Yesterday I forgot to take my pill till after 1:00. I had some recurrences of old problems that both let me know how much I have improved and perhaps show that this medication does more than I thought. One of the things that used to frustrate me was that if I was cooking or putting away groceries and had things in both hands I would get real confused about what to put down first and where to put it. This would freeze me up and I would have to ask Cherie for help to decide what to do. It happened again yesterday and made me think. I seem to not have had this problem for a while but can’t remember so I asked Cherie if she could. She agreed that I have not had this occur, at least so she noticed, in a while. We discussed other things that have improved but I don’t remember them now.
As I am writing this the ears ringing and lightheaded sensation have showed up. I am slowing down. My typing is slower as I struggle to find the words and put them together for this sentence. Will go take my pill now and fix breakfast. Yesterday I didn’t eat till I took Cherie to dinner and then I barely touched it. That was another old problem that has not been as apparent. My sense of taste was always off from the accident and much of the time I could only detect strong flavors such as saltiness but even that was dim. This would come and go to a degree and has not been apparent like the confusion till last night when the Mediterranean salmon was about tasteless to me. Got to take that pill now before I forget.
I am running at a five now. The limp is pronounced and there is a hint of a headache.
It is 9:00 PM. I had a busy day, I think. I remember going to Check on my friend Dave in Michigan because his phone number no longer worked. Dave is a young guy who lives next to the house I was buying with the second wife and has his share of problems. I helped him when he was a teenager, letting him live in my garage when he was having problems with his alcoholic dad. He returned the favor, letting me live in his house when I was homeless. I help him with problems all the time so wanted to check on him.
I woke up Dave. He works till six in the morning and was barely cognizant when he finally made it to the door. We talked for a short time and I got his new number then, seeing him yawn and kind of fade out, I excused myself. Leaving I looked at the driveway of my old house to see if Adam’s car was there but it wasn’t. I called Allen and he was up so I went to see him.
Allen is not doing to well. We talked about the Zeph Center and then his problems with medication. He has not been getting his pain pills and is suffering because of that. Not only is his pain untreated but he is withdrawing from suddenly not having the medication. He called a doctor he had seen months ago and learned he had been dropped for “non compliance” and his file said he was “PCP”. Allen asked what that meant and the receptionist didn’t seem to know. The last time I visited him his T-shirt had about five burn holes where he had fallen asleep with a lit cigarette in his hands. He told of not sleeping for four days and then collapsing on the floor panting as he struggled to breath. These are not good things and he also said he hadn’t eaten the day before and when I asked if he ate today he said no. I called Cherie to see when it would be a good time to have Allen over for dinner.
That might be all I did today, at least it is all I can remember. Tomorrow I will probably recall more. There was some mail at Dave’s and Cherie opened it when she got home. It was from the VA, dated November the sixteenth. It said they learned I had been convicted of a felony and incarcerated January 2003. Because of that I would lose the pension for the time I was incarcerated. The problem is I wasn’t incarcerated or even convicted of a felony at that time so this is a snafu I need to deal with quickly. Fun Fun. I just love dealing with the government, it fills me with confidence as the paper shufflers look to their regulations which do not allow common sense and can’t operate unless the correct form is filled out in the correct way so they can correct the problem. I’m probably not correct in my sarcasm but that’s how I see it.
This morning I had been thinking about getting Cherie a sewing machine because that is one of her loves. After a little deliberation I decided not to because I don’t know anything about them and didn’t want to get something that wasn’t right. I would need Cherie to help me pick one out. So what happens when I get home? Cherie gets a business card out of her purse and with that sheepish look said “I, I, I just wanted to, now don’t get upset…”. Then she starts talking about dinner or something equally innocuous. “Cherie, quit beating around the bush. You know I love you so just say what’s on your mind.” I told her. She said she had found a sewing machine that she really liked and started telling me everything this machine would do. I watched her face as she described all the features like an excited child talking about the latest cool thing.
No question in my mind at all, especially seeing her excitement. “Cherie, merry Christmas. It’s yours”. Cherie looked at me with disbelief and said “But it costs $300”. “So” was my response. Just watching how much this meant to her I almost cried. Hey, I know I’m supposed to be a tough guy but really don’t care. I am who I am and don’t care what anyone thinks so I don’t put up this fa├žade to hide what I feel. Not ashamed at all about getting teary eyed, especially when it is tears of joy. Making Cherie happy is what gives me the most. The most what I can’t put into words. We are one and when she is happy I am happy. When she is sad so am I. Yeah I got it bad but wouldn’t have it any other way.

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