Sunday, January 15, 2006

Here's the cowboy hat I picked up.

1/13/06 Friday
I got out to meet Jeff at the Waffle House for breakfast. We have skipped a few weeks of this weekly tradition due to Christmas and going to Texas. It is always good to sit down and talk with someone you can trust. I did most of the talking and filled him in on what has been happening. I told him Cherie and I are seriously considering moving to Texas. We discussed many of the things Cherie and I will face if we went and the pros and cons of the whole thing.
When we got done neither of us had cash. I had spent mine on that cowboy hat and he just didn’t grab any. Then the ATM at the Waffle House decided not to work. For Jeff it turned into an embarrassment as I suppose it would be to most but for me it was just another thing. After all I have seen and done in life it takes an awful lot to embarrass me. They know us there so I said “I’m going to run to the bank and get your money, OK?”. No problem.
I went and picked up Cherie’s check and called Fred to see if he still wanted to go with me when we had the oil changed at Firestone. He said yes but wouldn’t be ready till 10:00. I like taking this laptop when I go because I know there will be a wait but I am debating that now. If Fred will be there it would be rude not to talk. I think I will take it but leave it in the car. No, I’ll leave it here at home. (Geeze, Now you readers get a glimpse of my vacillation. Understand though that I write in order to reason things out. This helps me think)

1/14/06 Saturday
I woke up with a migraine. I got up to go to the kitchen but the light was too bright, it hurts when the migraines are this bad. I took the full gamut of pills to fight it. Going back to bed I turned on the TV. Despite having the volume turned real low it was too loud so the TV gets eliminated. I pulled the covers over my head to reduce the light to next to nothing.
It is 10:39 now. I had woken at 7:45 and the meds reduced the migraine some but it’s still there. I can watch TV but it still grates on me a little. Found a quite cooking program on PBS. The regular stations play commercial at an increased volume and I don’t deal with that well. I am slow now. Running at a 5 or so. Typing this is work.
Bruce sent me an E mail. I always love to hear from him. He never says much about how Iraq is, just generalities like it’s sandy. He enjoys the funny pictures I send him from the Engrish website. If any of you readers want to see some funny stuff go to It is mostly photos of signs found over seas that are poor attempts at translating native languages into English for the tourists.
I also got a comment on my blog. Don’t get many of those at all and wonder if anyone reads this other than the few family and friends. I am sure our lives are not exactly exciting reading so don’t expect much but daydream I would be “Discovered” and become internationally famous. Hey, this is a harmless delusion. At least it is better than thinking I will win a million dollar lottery because it didn’t cost me a buck.

It’s 1:00 now. I am slower than before. The brain is operating at about a 3 or 4 on the Bob scale. Almost at the point where I stutter and talking is hard. We tried to call Virginia on her home and cell phone with out reaching her. This has us worried. I E mailed the Pinkertons with the hope they can shed some light on what is happening. There is a kind of paranoia that comes when you are out of touch. I know these are usually without foundation so always try to keep my thoughts under control.

Seeing that Adam was online because the Yahoo messenger face had a smile I took the chance of calling. He answered to my great relief. We talked a little. The conversation was stilted with me doing most of the talking. He would answer questions I would ask to get him to talk. He is busy working two jobs and has little time to spare. I told him I didn’t care if the only time he was free was one in the morning I would be happy to go meet him. For those of you not familiar with my life, Adam is the youngest of the two boys I raised. Bruce is the oldest. Because of my journey into madness four years ago and the problems since I woke from the coma we pretty much have lost contact. There is much pain I have caused. I try to repair what I can but it is hard.

Barb called and would like me to take her to the grocery store. I will do so but told her it would be a couple of hours because of the migraine. That and I don’t like going out when slow. With Barb it is not a big deal because her brain damage is worse than mine or at least different. I just don’t deal with people well when like this and get confused easy. I’ll be OK. Will call Fred and let him know.

I called Barb just before I left to make sure she would be ready. When I picked her up she was happy and talking about things on sale nonstop. “We going to Kroger?” I interrupted to make sure I was driving to the right place and she said “Yeeaah” so off we went.
As I watched Barb shopping I began to see beyond just the food she was buying. She was exuberant as she saw the free samples at the deli and was steadily eating them. Others who wanted a sample just kind of went away. “Look Bob. They have Humus and it’s good. Their out of ham now” she told me with a loaded chip in each hand. “OK Barb, we need to get going” I let her know.
We walked down the isles as Barb showed me the list she was proud of making. “Look Bob, I made a list. It’s just a short one but look I got the prices written down. Do you think I can get all this for sixty bucks??” she told me again. “That’s real good. We can get out of here quicker this way. Good thinking Barb”.
She would get things and look at them then at me and say “I can make (something) and sandwiches. This is a good deal.”. I watched her and realized she was enjoying playing house. I had classified Basil as just a user taking advantage of Barb for food and shelter. A place to drink and sleep. That is true but there is a bigger picture that I am seeing now.
Barb’s life is one of many sad endings. Lost home, lost love, and the biggest hole of all, her lost children. Everything women look forward to and dream about she had and lost. How did all this happened? Some will say “She deserves where she’s at. It’s her fault” but they don’t know, just as I don’t know what happened in her life to place her in this place. I know some things but it doesn’t matter. I watched Barb, who is emotionally ten from her brain injury, get excited as she planned a life for the next few days. She bought Basil Vodka and was going to get beer for him later. You know folks, it doesn’t matter if you’re an alcoholic, a drug addict, or somebody with brain damage, you need love. It is good not to be alone.
I took Barb home and honked the horn for Basil to come and help carry groceries. They did their “You better be good cause I’m going to beat you up” things which I now understand are terms of endearment. Despite the problems there is feeling there. I went in and visited with Basil and he talked about his job, how the mud was hampering things and how big this mansion was he was working on. He doesn’t seem as bad as I thought but that always changes.

It’s 10:00 now. This has been a rough day. One of those rare days I am slow all the time with a few bright spots. The migraines drained me and I am tired. Good night

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