Monday, January 30, 2006



As we plan on our future in Texas it is our goal to create beauty out of barreness, to imitate the good things of nature.

1/30/06 Monday
I was up till about 2:00 this morning taking advantage of this brain working. There is much I have to think about, especially after talking to Larry. One of the things that came up was the fact that he has read the blog and peruses it on occasion to see what I am up to. He read the January 3rd entry where he had told Virginia he had six televisions so began “I really do have five TV’s” and launched into a discourse about them. Part of it was to prove he was not a liar. I really don’t care how many TV’s he has though I find the fact that one man has five televisions kind of a sad overkill.
The next thing that came up was the house he said he was buying when I talked to him January 3. I asked him why he would move out of the house he was buying and he told me he wasn’t buying that one, just renting. Larry forgets that in a way I have one of the best memories around. I have this journal and it is a record of my life going back four years though it is sketchy at the beginning because much of those early records disappeared when I was extradited from St. Louis. Larry had gone and picked up my belongings but the file cabinet and most of it’s contents he claimed he didn’t get though Dennis and Eva told me he did.
The record says he was moving out when I called him and as usual when I read these entries they return the memories. I remember hearing all the noise of people moving things and Larry stopping his conversation with me to give them instructions. I asked him at that time why he was moving out of the house he was buying and he said he was still buying it but was doing it through a friend to whom he would make payments. Now he was just renting it but talked of buying rental properties. That can be a good thing to do but not when you are unemployed and haven’t had a stable income in years. It is hard to tell fact from bullshit with Larry. He seems to blend the two together and doesn’t comprehend that stretching the truth becomes a lie. I don’t think he even is aware of it because he believes himself. As time goes by he will decay further from the drinking. This is just a medical fact. I have one form of brain damage from head trauma which effects specific areas but long term alcohol intake deteriorates all of the brain and causes permanent damage. I told Cherie that there is a good chance that we will be taking care of him, you know helping him, years from now.
I think I will go to the gym now.

I got back from the Y at a few minutes after 12:00 and Cherie had come home for lunch. She dug up the receipt for the laptop so I could register it. I had called the Toshiba service number this morning and they helped me fix the problem I had with the common module. That is when I found I had not registered it.
Cherie and I talked briefly and she went back to work. She put a roast in and I reminded her again she needs to ask me to do things. I was exhausted from working out so went back to bed. Now I have another headache and while it is not at the close the blinds and crawl back into bed level it is definitely making its presence known. I forced myself to get up and will again attempt to make bread now that we have fresh yeast. Ahmed is here today so I will try to make the apple crisp made with honey I found the recipe for.
It’s 4:30 now. I forced myself to keep moving despite the headache and back pain that is increased by working over a countertop. Washed the dishes and then I made the buttermilk bread dough and apple crisp. Just got done putting them in the oven and they will be done shortly after Cherie gets home. I love doing things for her. Now I hurt so much I will have to lay down. I need to face the reality that fixing up the house in Texas will be tough and I may not be able to do as much as I hope. If washing dishes and making bread is this hard what will construction do to me? At least the brain is working well.
I have often said I would gladly be confined to a wheelchair in exchange for a clear and stable mind. That is still my feeling but the pain is a different matter. I still refuse the pain medications that the doctors offer to prescribe because of how they took over my life prior to the accident. I fear the addiction and have Allen’s problems with that as a constant reminder of their power over ones life. Last night on 20/20 or 60 minutes they featured a man in a wheelchair with a spinal cord injury who had been sentenced to 25 years in prison because he forged prescriptions to get painkillers for relief. Now the state of Florida pays for his morphine drip that exceeds what he had been taking while free. This was a decent law abiding man who only sought a quality of life with his wife and family. Another example of criminal injustice and the stupidity of the legal system.
The bread I cooked turned out very well. I’ll have to do that again. We also loved the apple crisp and the fact it is made with all natural healthy ingredients is a big plus. I took some over to Ahmed and we talked for a couple of hours. First he told me how so many things are happening that bother him. Part of it comes from the prejudice and fear others have towards anyone who comes from the middle east. Many have taken advantage of him and taken his money. Sometimes this has come from law enforcement.
I gave him some basic advise that comes from the AA creed that helped him. It was simply not to worry about things you have no power to change. Then he started telling me about Islam and his beliefs. It was fascinating in a scary way. To him the Jews are the ultimate evil and the source of all our problems. One the weird things he said was that the Jews wrote the new testament to deceive Christians. He told me that Jesus wasn’t killed but that the Jews found someone who looked like him and killed that person. He said that Jesus was a prophet and is still alive. He focused on how it was impossible that Jesus was God because God could not come down and die. That would make us better than God. He mentioned again that Bin Laden was working for the CIA and that the US made up the names of the 911 hijackers. Then he talked about the devil, how Allah made him to rule us and that he controlled us or something like that. I was patient and told him of some of the Christian beliefs that he was unaware of. After a bit I said it was time for me to go.


Here are a series of pictures that show how the farm house has been ransacked several times.

The only people with keys are my brother and a few relatives. My brother Larry tried to convince Virginia that Cherie and I had done this. The fact that we were 1500 miles away and only came to visit once when she was in the nursing home and for the funeral didn't seem to register on his dim mind.


Here is where the washer and dryer used to be. One of them was brand new. Virginia's brothers had taken them out when they took my grandmother to the nursing home so they wouldn't "get stolen". I was told this after I questioned Virginia about it.


This picture Cherie and I took when we came to visit Lee in the nursing home. Things were already a mess when we got there.
This is the way we found the same scene when we came for her funeral. As you can see someone had gone through this mess again. Stories of Lee hiding money were common and Lee had told us that when Larry came to visit she could hear him going through things from her room. Of course she could barely get around to check on him.


My grandmother had paid Larry to paint the house a couple of years ago. As you can see he did not complete the job though he was happy to take her money. He knew she couldn't get out and check on the job.


Not only did he not finish but he didn't even scrape the old paint. Consequently the new paint is already peeling off.

As you can see there is allot of work we need to do. Imagine this cleaned with a nice green lawn. The tree there is a pecan tree. I figure lots of nuts to be appropriate for us. (That is some feeble Bob humour)

Here is the back of the house. We plan on putting in a sliding glass door with an awning and deck. I will also build a stone barbeque pit. Like my brother I love to cook and we hope to entertain friends. Here in Toledo we don't really have many friends we socialize with and look forward to changing that.

This is the bus that my late grandfather, Rudy, and I drove from Chicago loaded with my mothers stuff when we moved her to Texas. We don't have a clue what to do with it. It is still full of crap and has also been gone through several times. We are open to suggestions if any one out there has an idea.


One of the things I have been studying is something called "Passive Solar". It would entail removing the siding and building stone walls. (There's more to it than that but I'll keep it simple) The tin roof is durable but needs major renovation.

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