This is our first wedding some twenty seven years ago. I was a bit skinnier then.

1/17/06 Tuesday
It is already 11:00 and we are off. I got up and showered early and fixed breakfast because I want to get some things done. I put the DVD, The Incredibles on to finish viewing because today is the due date at the library. Ahmed called and said “Open the door Bob”. I thought he was needing the security door buzzed so I rushed to do that. As I was buzzing he knocked on the door. I was naked so told him through the door I needed to get dressed. He gave me a plate with another one of the Lebanese deserts he has been getting for us. He was on his way out and talked to me about not being able to sleep for days on end. This is not good for a truck driver. I told him to be careful after asking if he liked apples. I asked because I have been meaning to cook apple dumplings for him in return for his generosity.
After wrestling with my mind all day yesterday I decided to E mail Virginia and check on things, especially what Larry was spewing out. I hated to bother her knowing she has been sick but had to find peace in this. After that I called Fred to make sure he was alright. Barb had called yesterday saying he hadn’t returned her call and was worried. When I called Fred didn’t answer so I called Barb to see if she had heard from him. She didn’t answer so I was planning on going down to Fred’s apartment. Just before I walked out Fred called on the house phone. As I talked to him Barb called on the cell. Everything is OK.
Right when I went to the bathroom the cell rang again so I scurried to get out. As soon as I got to the phone it quit ringing but I could tell it was from Texas by the caller ID. The house phone rang so I picked it up hoping it was Virginia responding to the E mail. It was and I am very glad she called despite feeling like an idiot after talking with her. Larry is lying again. He has not talked to Virginia at all though he did try to call her yesterday after talking with me. Being sick and it being late she decided not to answer.
My suspicion that Larry was just trying to manipulate me with the threat that if I didn’t agree with him the farm would sold by Virginia is now founded. That is not an option and according to Virginia she couldn’t do that if she wanted. Another lie Larry! Keep it up you might hit a record. Larry said he had heard this straight from the lawyer who wrote the will for Lee. The will has been filed with the courthouse. I encouraged Virginia to get things moving so we can be done with it. She said that James McGilvray (The lawyer) said there was no rush because he wanted to review everything in the estate first. I told Virginia that was good and that I was going to have an accountant go through it also. “Try to get him motivated Virginia” I told her.
I asked Virginia if she was getting anything for all the work she is doing and she said no. She is doing so much I can’t not reward her. Let’s see. She is paying all the bills, she got Lee moved into the facility she found, and she is the executor of the estate putting herself in between my brother and I, and tons of other things at great personal sacrifice. I told her that when this is all done I would talk to Larry about doing something for her. I really don’t expect Larry to be favorable to that but he may surprise me with an unselfish act. Virginia objected to this saying she never was in it for the money. I already have that impression and told her that is why she will be rewarded. “No Robbie, I don’t want anything” she protested again. I finally said “Virginia, that’s it for this subject. Let’s move on”. She will say no till she is blue in the face but like I told her “I will do what I think is right. That’s the way it is”. I will live a life I am proud of.
I always hope for Larry to improve. Like all of us he is a blend of good and bad. He did help me when I was recovering from the coma but the bad side caught up with him and his help became shaky. Then his selfish greed took over when mom died and he stole from me. Virginia said she didn’t understand all of that. In her world you took care of family. I explained that Larry’s behavior is typical for a long term alcoholic. Larry’s life is a constant up and down. He gets a job and things are fine but then he loses it and it’s back to scratching. I am sure he always has a reason why this is and that his drinking never enters the picture, at least in his mind. His personality goes from the nice and very personable to a grouchy asshole quickly. Another sign of the mental instability cause by the long term brain damage from alcohol.
Anyway I apologized to Virginia about a dozen times for allowing Larry to get me geeked up and for allowing my imagination to go. I know she reads this journal on my blog so she saw the ranting and ravings I wrote yesterday. Honesty comes with a price and when I started publishing this journal it opened a window to my soul. No front here, you get to see me be stupid as well as an occasional smart moment. I am what I am and strive to be a person I can be proud of.
Fred called earlier and asked if I had any plans. “No, I don’t Fred. Would you like to get out?” He said he would like to do some shopping and he is ready now. “Fred, give me time to put on a warm shirt and shoes and we’ll go” I told him. I took Fred to Tom’s so he could cash a check and then he wanted to go to the Kroger on Detroit and Glenburn. That was a new one for him and I had to direct him which door to go in.
He handed me his list and the envelope of coupons he always has. It was one of those days where I had to speak loudly in order for Fred to hear. “What’s that over there?” Fred asked. “That’s all the fresh veggies and fruit is” I announced. We went and caught the back section where all the meat is and I would give a running account as Fred pushed the shopping cart he clung to for support. “That’s hamburger, Now we are coming up the beef roasts Fred. That’s $2.89 a pound. Yeah it looks good, not a lot of fat. How much? That one is eight dollars.” I said. “That’s too much. Put it back” Fred replied. This is how we went through the whole store. It’s how we always do it as I see for Fred. It is always interesting to watch the reactions of other shoppers as I spoke to Fred in a voice loud enough to be heard a couple of isles over.
From there Fred wanted to go to Aldi’s because they had a special on chicken wings on the paper. When we found them he was pissed because they weren’t already cooked. Fred can’t see good enough to cook. Leaving Aldi’s we went to the dollar store where Fred bought a few basic things like vegetable oil. He turned to me and said “I don’t know why I get things for Barb. She doesn’t appreciate it. What do you think?”. “Fred it never hurts to help. She is grateful for all you do but even if she wasn’t you can still be proud of yourself.” A passing woman agreed with this and commented.
With all that done I took Fred home after stopping by the library to return the movies Cherie had checked out. I was tired by then but washed the dishes that had piled up. I called Allen to see how he was doing. He was still depressed but didn’t sound to bad. Because it was late I decided not to go over.
Right now I am tired so that is all I will write. Good night