Old lessons learned

What path do you choose?


5/18/07 Friday
It’s a gray overcast day. I can hear the doves cooing their gentle songs as they do every morning. It takes me back to the small mansion my grandmother (on my father’s side) kept my brother and I after purchasing us from our mother. It is a sound that is indelibly fixed in my memory. I clearly remember asking and being told it was a mourning dove. Of course I took that as “morning”. Most of these old memories are intact and untouched by the brain injury. So strange.

Cherie showed me the comments on yesterday’s post. I am debating whether or not I should elucidate on them, on what Nate’s response reveals. Cherie has made a written list of the tasks she would like to accomplish today. That is a good habit she will need to develop because this job will require this type of organization.

I will work on the living room today though I plan on spending some time everyday pulling weeds, or as I call it “mowing the lawn”. My hands are tired and sore from the two hours I spent on that yesterday. So is the back despite my sitting in a chair and scooting it forward as I clear a path. All that leaning down and forward takes a toll. Plus, despite the chair I still had to stand up to pull some of the bigger weeds that require two hands to uproot despite the soil being wet. Roots go deep out here in the West Texas desert.

There was a poem I read when doing hard prison time here in Texas at the age of nineteen that impacted me then. I of course can’t remember it word for word after thirty seven years but the message is still relevant. It comes to mind as I ponder how to help Nate understand some of the basics of living a life that brings rewards. So here is the best I can do with it.

As I was driving the other day I passed a wrecking crew tearing a building down. As I pondered what I saw I heard a voice in my head say, “Just look at that wrecking crew, it only takes them a day or two to tear down what it took others years to do”. Am I building with thought and care, creating what I can look back and say “This has been done the right way”. Or am I like this wrecking crew, content to destroy what others do. Instead of building with thought and care living a path that brings despair.

I am sure this only barely resembles the original but the concept it there. All I can say to those who read this is “Look around you. What do you see? Is it growing and getting better or are things tearing apart and deteriorating? Sure you can clean up a mess to make it look better but that’s not the concept here. It is how you live, how you think and approach life. Much deeper than the things others see for we can all put out a false face, a good looking front. It is what’s inside, how you approach life. Despite what we want others to see we can’t always hide the debris, the results of what’s inside. The bible puts it well when it talks about the fruit of ones life. A good vine bears good fruit but one that bears bad fruit is torn down and destroyed. So what is the fruit of your life? You can always change that by changing what is inside. It’s not an easy thing to do but must start by recognizing, by opening your eyes and seeing what has been there all the time. You can’t change what you refuse to acknowledge.

Nuff preaching. I’ve got things to do.
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2:00 - I’m moving pretty slow right now. Down to a four on the bob scale. Getting a bad headache on top of that. Cherie went to…someplace and is going to look up some of places she will need to gather information on for her job after that. I am just barely plugging along. Been worrying that James from the Baptist camp will think bad of me cause I never showed up to help. There is too much I don’t get done here at home so running out there with the hope it will gain me some kind of acceptance is irresponsible. I give up. I am at a loss regarding the whole thing. The thought “They should accept me for who I am” comes to mind but no one has taken the time to truly know who I am.

Got to take something for this headache. Yesterday’s slowdown came at the end of the day but this is right in the middle of it. Timing sucks. Think I will need to lay down.
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4:00 – Still slow. It’s a close the curtains and crawl under the covers headache. Cherie came home from her travels and was excited about how beautiful parts of Martin county is. She got out of the car and walked a hundred yards or so to look at where water was rushing through drainage pipes under the road. On her return she saw a whole family of deer crossing the road near her car. My ears are ringing pretty loudly now. Not getting anything done today.
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I’m doing much better. Cleared up close to 6:00. Cherie has gone back out to locate more of the places she will need to be gathering information from and, knowing how much I enjoy the beauties of nature, asked if I would like to go with her. I really wanted to but need to make use of this time of lucidity and get to work on the living room. That’s how it must be for I can never predict or count on when I am able to work. This is our house and there is much that needs to get done. Just took a quick break to get this jotted down and posted. It’s what I call prime time folks and it’s not to be wasted.