The usual start

6/30/07 Saturday
As always our morning starts with the puppies. It was the usual routine of waking to the noise of their yelps and scratching on the door from what we now call the puppy room. Cherie nudges me and I start awake as she says “Do you hear the puppies”. I do now. So I painfully struggle out of bed, rocking my legs as I must to set up. Then it’s get the sweats on to take them out. As soon as I open the door they are bouncing like little beach balls with joy and energy all around my feet making it difficult to walk with out tripping. Then they see Carman kitty and the instinct to herd kicks in. After guiding the not happy kitty to the back room where he takes refuge out of their reach it’s time to go outside.

I stumble out with them and watch their disappointment that I am not running and playing with them. I find a ball and throw it with the hope it will supply the need for my involvement. Not quite. They rush after the ball, pick it up, look at me, drop it and come running back. Oh well, I tried. Grabbing the cup of coffee Cherie prepared I sit in the chair on the veranda and watch as they continue expelling the pent up morning zeal. I throw the ball a few more times and walk out to check on the corn. Both puppies are right with me, loving their daddy so to speak, wanting and happy to be near, to be a part of whatever I am doing. I look at the not too healthy corn so they examine it too, sniffing and scratching at everything around.

I want to come in so that means they do also. Tough. I let them scratch and beg at the door trying to ignore the racket. Eventually they quit and go exploring. I open this laptop and start writing when I hear Cherie’s “NO, Get OUT OF MY BUSHES” and the door open as she rushes out. I knew instantly what the little buggers had done. They wormed their way through the wire fencing I had put up to keep them out of the bushes we had just planted and were destroying them. I run out let them know this was unacceptable with a few smacks on the butt and plenty of loud “BAD DOG”. It’s not new so I hope they figure it out. They did obey “stay” when I went to water the ivy I had transplanted from Janie’s. That surprised and impressed me. Smart puppies except where bushes are concerned.

Janie is bringing the electrician over this morning to see what needs to be done to get the stove and hot water heater hooked up. Cherie is baking some blueberry muffins for them. The puppies have crashed out as they do every morning after expending their energy. I want to join them but have things to do.
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Janie came over with the electrician. He looked the place over and made suggestions on how to take care of our needs. He won’t be able to get to it till three weeks from now but I’m not in a hurry. Would rather go slow and get things done right. Cherie made blueberry corn muffins that are really good. Joe Fussell, the electrician, wasn’t able to stay and visit so Cherie wrapped his muffins in aluminum foil so he could take them with him. I ran out to the garden and cut him some of the spaghetti squash that I give away at every opportunity.

After he left Janie stayed and visited with us for a while. I had gotten the camera out to take a picture of Joe after telling him I would write about him on the blog and just had to snap a picture of Janie. That was hard to do as she, not wanting her picture taken, ran for the door. Cherie said I shouldn’t post the picture and if Janie doesn’t want it I won’t. Need to call her right now and ask. Nope, no picture. That’s too bad cause it’s one of those cute action pics that’s a great “I gotcha” moment. Oh well.

We talked about God and religion, what problems I have in that arena, and my delusions of grandeur. Lots of good basic stuff. Poor Janie’s been running so hard she’s about worn out. She needs to go home and relax but she has to go to work. Come to find out she was going to Big Spring high school at the same time I did. We couldn’t identify any common acquaintances but my damaged memory doesn’t help in that regard.

It’s 11:33 and I need to go water the squash and melons. Then I’m gonna run into Midland to finally get the grass seed I’ve been talking about for days now. I will also dig up some more of the plants at Steve and Janie’s.

Puppy wake up

6/29/07 Friday
We didn’t close the door to the puppy room well so they pushed it open and came happily in to wake us up. I walked through my fog to let them outside then came back to put some clothes on. Cherie got up as well and cooked some pancakes to start the day off.

Went online to check the mail and Sharon instant messaged me. We talked about Wayne so, upon learning how down he is, I gave him a call. When I figure out the label thing you can link on these names but until then let me explain a little who Wayne and Sharon are.

Wayne is the veteran with MS I found in the homeless shelter. I got him in the VA’s homeless program, foodstamps, approved and in public housing, fought Social Security for three years to get his disability, enrolled at the Zeph Center where he has a case manager to help him out, and involved with the MS society. This plus just being there to be a friend and someone he could talk to. Now he is fighting to get his lump sum payment that Social Security awarded released from the Ohio welfare system which has held his check for ten months now without releasing a dime to him. I called him and explained he needs to do everything in writing cause he could call till he was blue in the face and absolutely nothing will happen. I wish I was still up there.

Sharon is another survivor of traumatic brain injury. Hers’ was sustained when her husband (ex husband now) beat her with a pipe. I met her at the public housing projects Wayne was originally placed in. We helped her out anyway we could. Gave her rides to the store and even gave her driving lessons in our car so she could get her license. When she was beat and hospitalized by one of the crackheads at the apartment complex we moved her to a new place. I also had pushed Wayne through Welfare bureaucracy to get him moved to a safer place.

So that is our start.
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Been outside working. Got the fence poles unloaded. Was very careful as the last thing I need is to get hurt. One of the fence posts punched a hole through the side of the wheelbarrow. It’s a cheap wheelbarrow so the metal is thin. I’ll hammer it flat so there won’t be sharp edges to cut myself on.

I had to motivate Cherie to work around the house. She’s gotten to where she stays on the internet for hours, not getting much done. She will be upset I wrote of this but I trust that I will be able to say she has disciplined herself to keep this under control. The internet is a lure to us all including me, going a step beyond television, which I refer to as Zombievision. There is a lure there that captures many. The lure is you can find anything at all that interests and thus captures you. Self discipline is a hard thing to develop and it must be used constantly to keep it sharp.


Here is a picture of some weeds I needed to chop down just to access the trailer we now use as storage. I had to start using the wrist brace on the left hand as well. Now that the carpal tunnel pain is up there on the right I use the left much more. That aggravates the carpal tunnel syndrome the doc said I had on that side as well. The back pain level is high as well, especially after lifting those fence posts.

I will be going into town today to pick up some grass seed. It is my hope to get a lawn going and thus reduce the weeds and burrs that get tangled in the puppies fur.

Janie just stopped by with Jab (the other Steve) and a feller by the name of R.L.. I had met him before when we went to the charity skeet shoot at Windwalker. Jamie goes “You remember R.L. don’t you? He was at the shoot”. I don’t remember him or anyone else specifically with the exception of Steve, and that is because he has been out here since. I remember going to the shoot and meeting lots of people but specific names and faces were lost the moment I left. But I shook my head yes on the basis of remembering being there. That’s the way I have to play it all the time. Don’t want to offend anyone.

So we gave R.L. the tour and I cut off some spaghetti squash to give him. Showed them the corn that’s layin down, taking a nap from the storm. Then Janie urged me to show them my woodcarvings, which I was happy to do. The plaque was the first thing I showed along with the pictures of the wreck. Then I showed some of the other stuff that is not yet finished.

From there Janie wanted me to show them what we are doing with the house so I took them to the living room where they could see half done and half not yet touched. That really brings home the difference a coat of paint makes. Jab has a dog house that he says is insulated and called a dog apartment so I think it may be more than one unit though I am not sure. Anyway, he is replacing it so asked if we could use it. I am sure it will be a good thing to have, especially as the puppies grow so I said I would be glad to accept it.

Nuts! I forgot to ask Steve when I could come and help him figure out his E mail and stuff. I’ll call him later but I’ve been meaning to call him for weeks now. R.L. knows someone with a tractor who can come and cut these weeds down. That would be great.

Cherie has gone to the chiropractor now so I need to get moving as well. I want to run into Midland and pick up some grass seed as well as dig up some of the monkey grass at Steve and Janie’s along with that ground cover vine they have.

Jan and Wally (If I remember the names right) from the Sunday school department are coming to visit at six tonight so I’m clearing out some space in the living room. They are bringing a pizza so it would be nice to have a place to eat it. We’ve been just eating on the bed till now but ya can’t do that with guests, or at least shouldn’t

If I keep writing I’ll never get there so that’s it for now.
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Tricia, one of my regular readers, let me know in the comments that there had been a story on NBC Nightly News about a national guard soldier who suffered a traumatic brain injury in Iraq. I had missed the program because we are unable to get NBC out here except on rare occasions so I just went online to see it. This soldier didn’t get his injury in an explosive blast like most do over there but when his vehicle overturned. His problems are pretty much like mine though I don’t fly off in fits of rage like I used to. It renews my desire, no it enforces my desire to bring understanding and awareness of brain injuries. When I went to look for the story I saw that ABC had run a story on a teenager who suffered a rare level of amnesia after falling on the soccer field. Another brain injury.

The visit with Wally and Jen went well. I only had one quick slowdown but other than that I was sharp. They brought some pizza, banana nut bread, and one serving of tiramisu they ordered with the pizza. We sat and got to know each other as we ate. They heard an earful as I recounted some of the unusual life I have experienced. It started when Wally asked when we found the Lord. That was in prison in 1975. We told of how we had fallen in love in bible college, moved to Toledo, gotten divorced because of the drastic personality change when I fell out of a tree breaking my back and neck, and got back together seventeen years later.

There were lots of other things we talked about including how the Sunday school group could help us out. That was a little bit harder question to answer. I jokingly said they could buy me a tractor. That set them back a second or two but it was fun, at least for me. We gave them a tour of the place including a trek out to the garden. I opened up about my doubts and questions concerning God as I don’t hide much of anything. It was a good visit and mostly was nice to see Christians actually reach out and go out of their way to talk with us. A marked contrast to what we didn’t experience with a church much closer to home.

I’m tired so will call it a night.

Cherie got soaked.

I got really soaked the other day……………cherie.
Well, in a nice way I got soaked. One of the most difficult trials of this whole homesteading experience for me is that we don’t have hot water let alone the proper hook ups, for this former daily showerholic to partake in the luxury of a personal inside waterfall.
When I do have the opportunity to indulge in a hot bath and/or shower, I am not too hesitant. This is my time to soak in the ambience of a mini spa and relax. Now don’t misunderstand and think I’m a stinky gal – I am not! There are many products available to assist those living on the edge of somewhere (i.e. people fighting in Iraq , people in nursing homes, etc.) and for the not so typical everyday homesteader. But it is a rare and thoughtful gift when someone invites you into their home to spend an hour or so in their bathroom (or restroom) to enjoy a restful bath!!
I am very blessed. And grateful.
(and really truly squeaky clean!)

Not keeping up well

6/28/07 Thursday
I haven’t been keeping up with this journal very well lately. Used to write a lot of it in the morning when I was fresh but lately I’ve been getting out and busy early and by the time the day’s ended don’t have a lot of steam left.

One of the things I wanted to mention is from watching the news the other day. They had a story about NFL players and the brain injuries they accumulate in the course of their careers. One of the motivations I have for this journal is knowing that the odds of developing Alzheimer’s is statistically much higher for those who have sustained a traumatic brain injury. When multiple injuries are involved that likelihood is multiplied several fold. Understanding this and realizing that memories are one of the big areas hit this journal and the pictures attached will serve me well should such a thing happen. But what really bothered me from the story was the word “Dementia” coming up often. That is scary and not really something you can prepare for. What happens happens so I will love the life I have now and not worry about what I cannot control.

I finished up mulching the front flower gardens at Steve and Janie’s today. After I got done Jay, the neighbor next door, and his son helped me load the metal fence posts he is giving me along with the cedar fencing I got from him. They still have the concrete on them so it was a chore. I’ll be unloading them later today. I guess that will have to be quick cause it’s already 7:30 and it gets dark at 9:00.

Jimmy Patterson E mailed me that he would have a photographer come over around 1:00 to take our picture for the article he’s doing on us. Learning that I called Janie to see if we could use their shower to clean up for it. I already knew it would be ok but asked because it’s the right way to do things. Cherie came over around 10:30 so I let her in. After she was done I got under the shower myself. When you don’t get to take a hot shower for months it sure feels good. I scrubbed everything real good and then scrubbed again. Washed my hair twice and even scrubbed between my toes. Then we rushed home to insure we were there when the photographer arrived.

Rushing home however was delayed a little. Heading out the door I looked for the key they left in a super secret place for us and it wasn’t there. Oh No!!! Where did I leave it??? I looked and Cherie looked as well saying “This is not good”. Couldn’t find it anywhere. I looked all through the grass in case I had put it in my pocket and it fell out. Finally, knowing it was Janie’s key and she had no other and not wanting to lock her out of her own house, I called her at work. Caused a little concern so she was going to call her lawn guy, who had been there today, to see if he found it and picked it up. I hung up the phone and started looking again when I heard Cherie laughing. “What’s so funny” I said not at all in a jovial mood. “The key’s right here in the door” she said as she cracked up even more. Damn, there it is in the lock, right where I left it when I opened the door to let Cherie in. I was standing next to it the whole time I was on the phone with Janie. I called her to let her know it was found and we really rushed home this time.

The photographer got lost due to my not so clear directions. He doggedly stopped at farms asking if they knew where the place with an old school bus was. That is our landmark and the bus has been out here for twenty five years so it didn’t take long for him to find someone who could point him in the right direction.

He was a nice guy. I think his name is Alec but I am seldom sure about the accuracy of my memory. Had a nice fancy Nikon camera that I would love to have and snapped about a hundred pictures. Some on the veranda and some out front. Then I had him take a picture of the plaque as that is, in my mind at least, an important aspect of my life. I told him the story of how Cherie and I got back together and he was off.

Cherie and I had talked about running into Midland and taking care of a lot of things but I started having a seizure so she went into town by herself. I went to bed and didn’t wake up till five when the puppies came in to see how I was doing. I was still pretty groggy but cleared up by six when Cherie came home. She brought a rotisserie chicken that she picked up at the grocery store so that’s what we had for dinner.

I need to get outside and work on unloading the fence posts and the garden before it gets dark. I’ll have to be careful on the fence posts to make sure I don’t hurt myself. Jay offered to come and help but I don’t like inconveniencing them and think I can do it myself. That’s it for now.

The winds blew

6/27/07 Wednesday
The storms came and the winds blew, thus this place was tested anew. How firm a foundation are we building on? The test of time will tell. Much of the garden has been hit hard. I’m not sure what to do with the corn. When they were younger many of them had blown over like this and I pushed them upright and they did ok. I am not sure how that will work now that they are much bigger and have ears of corn growing. A good part of the corn is in bad shape anyway from my soap insecticide attack. Perhaps I should chop it all down and replant. I plan on planting a new batch anyway and that will save me digging up new beds. Will think on this for a while.

The beans look hit. I had picked up some scrap plywood when I was helping Steve clean out his garage that I planned on burying along the bean rows to serve as wind breaks. Too late for that now unless some of this revives. Don’t know how hardy these plants are just as I don’t really know much about gardening in general. It’s all part of my education. One of the things we plan on doing is planting trees around the place to serve as wind breaks. You can see this done on many of the homes out here in the country. The storm last night had winds in the seventy and eighty miles per hour range.

I’m gonna get moving early again today. When I do this I am often worn by the end of the day, which for me comes earlier than it does for most of you. I just don’t have the stamina I once did. But it feels good to get out and do something. I am going to run out to Steve and Janie’s to mulch their front flower beds and weed. Will probably pick up the fence posts at their neighbor, Jay’s, that he is giving me along with the cedar fencing. First I’ve gotta refill the five gallon water bottles we use for our drinking, cooking, and bathing. (Except when I wash outside with the garden hose.

Cherie goes to see the chiropractor again today at three. Janie had set up an appointment with her chiropractor for Cherie on Monday and paid for the first visit. Steve and Janie are incredible in their compassion and generosity towards us and shining examples of what Christianity should be. What is more valuable to us is the friendship, having people to fellowship with and share time together. That, to plagiarize a well known commercial, is priceless.

Time to roll folks.
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I’m worn out. Wish I had the stamina I once did but that’s the way it is so get over it. Worked hard on Steve and Janie’s flower beds but had to quit when I ran out of mulch. Thought seven bags would be more than enough but that only did two thirds of the job. I have some more in the storage shed so will take that in tomorrow morning to finish up the job. I’m glad I can do this for them. Not thinking things through or for that matter not being familiar with lawns I backed the truck over their front lawn. It left marks where the tires compressed the dirt. Don’t know how to fix it.

Found out on the weather that the winds were clocked at ninety three miles per hour. That’s hurricane strength. Seminole, a town near by, had ninety eight mile per hour winds. Set a record.

Cherie went to the chiropractor again today and he told her that she would need a lot of help. Part of the problem is she is overweight and out of shape. I have tried to get her to exercise over the three years we have been together but nothing really gelled. Perhaps now she will find something that works. I suggested buying bicycles. Cherie wants an old fashioned one where you brake by turning the pedal backwards. I don’t know if those are easy to find or what.

I’m gonna hit the sack and plan on getting out early tomorrow to finish up working on their flower beds. Night.

I'm OK

Didn't realize how much some of y'all keep up with this blog in order to see how I'm doing and worry when I don't post. Got a phone call and some E mails to see if I was ok. I'm ok. Just tired right now and a little sore. Got busy early getting the registration updated on the truck and went straight to work on the garden and some other things I don't remember. Had to take a nap as usual and only had some minor short slowdowns. That's about it. I'll try to do some writing tomorrow. Night all and thanks for caring.

A better start than yesterday's end

6/25/07 Monday
That was a rough way to end a great day. This morning I feel beat up. Got a headache and shuffling my feet as I carefully walk. The brain fortunately is operating well, running at the average level of a seven on the bob scale though I’m a bit cranky. Pain can do that. Took a pain pill and aspirin along with the seizure and blood pressure medicine.

I had forgotten to get a piece of plywood to put under the mattress last night and didn’t figure that out till we went to bed and I had to help Cherie get back up. I found a shelf we had taken out of the closet and put that under the mattress. That helped a lot and Cherie got the first decent nights sleep she has had since this started.

Let me recount a little of yesterday. It probably won’t be in chronological order but that’s ok. We went shopping and I called Steve and Janie because we were heading to Home Depot and Steve had mentioned he could use some mulch. I wanted to find out what kind he was interested in as I planned on seeing if they had any broke open bags like we got a deal on before. They did. We got about ten bags for a little over four bucks. SCORE. Took that over to them and enjoyed visiting. It is so good to have found friends. Steve and I went next door to pick up some more of the used fencing. I learned that the guy’s name is Jay. Really felt embarrassed I didn’t remember before but that’s all part of the short term memory loss. Hope I got it right.

The metal fence posts we weren’t able to get because they had been promised to someone else. That’s ok cause we are grateful for what we got. So what else happened? Give me a moment as I gather my thoughts on this.

Steve asked if I would remulch their garden beds. He wanted to pay me for it but I insisted he let me do it as a gift. I just feel better that way. Don’t want to always receive without giving something back. Had to talk him into that. I’m planning on going out there this morning to do it. They have some kind of ground cover vine they want to get rid of along with something called Monkey Grass. I’ll dig that up and bring it back here. The vine is aggressive and hopefully will cover some of the weed areas and choke the weeds off. The Monkey Grass makes a good border so will find a place here without a problem.

As I was writing this my cell phone rang. It was Steve and he asked if I could help him do some stuff around the house. He wants to pay me and this time I will let him. They also invited Cherie to come up and just hang out, take a shower (a luxuriant blessing for her), and even do some laundry. We can bring the puppies as well, which I think will be good for them. I have to unload the truck and water the garden, then we will head out.

The digital camera is messing up. Don’t know what happened but looking through the view finder (if that’s what it’s called) it is blurry and out of focus. The last time we had a problem with the camera we had to mail it to Kodak’s repair facility in Chicago and it cost $180 bucks. Right now the pictures seem ok. Only one of them was out of focus so if we are lucky it will stay that way.

So that’s the start of this day.

Another day, another blessing

6/24/07 Sunday
Cherie woke up with a painful Charlie horse at four this morning. I did my best to massage it out. These are sometimes a sign of a lack of certain vitamins I think. We really need to work on getting in shape and eating healthy. The garden is a start for eating healthy but the only thing I’ve managed to grow to fruition so far is squash.

As I was writing that it dawned on me that I had forgotten to turn off the drip feed irrigation on the beans. It has run all night long. I grabbed a flashlight and ran out to turn it off. It’s 5:32 this morning. The puppies got us up a half hour ago. When it gets daylight out I’ll go see just how flooded it is. It’s a typical short term memory issue. There were times in Toledo I would run dishwater and forget. Coming back in the kitchen I would find that the water had long since filled the sink and flooded the kitchen. We bought a plastic bin after that so when I forgot it would just spill over and go down the drain. Not sure how I can compensate for doing things like remembering to turn off the water here.



I went out with the puppies and, grabbing the hoe, went to work. Chopped lots of weeds in the front including this area where the weeds were waist high to the road. This way Cherie can get in the truck without me having to pull up. It also makes the landscaping I did around the mailbox visible. I think you call it landscaping. It’s red mulch and a rock border.

After that I decided it was time to wash my hair so I grabbed a towel and washcloth, along with the shampoo and set up where I usually do behind the truck with the water hose. If I lay the hose in the sun I have hot water. It is too early in the morning for it to get hot but that’s no big deal as it’s nice out. I’m going to shave now and finish taking the bath inside. It’ll be the standard alcohol on a wash cloth stand uppy we always take. This might sound rustic to many of you but we’ve been doing this for nine months. It was a lot harder on Cherie than me. We will be getting hot water soon thanks to Steve and Janie.

It’s time to go to get ready for church.
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It’s been a great day. A productive day. I had lots to write but am having a doozy of a partial seizure. Down to a three or worse on the bob scale. Probably worse. Here’s some pictures. I’ll write later. At this level walking is hard and I stare at the wall while I figure out what to do. No sense trying to write now. I’ll ask Cherie if she will write something.

Two butts


First sunflower

When puppies attack

6/23/07 Saturday
It’s a typical morning in that the puppies had us up as soon as the horizon started to brighten up. We both struggled out of bed and Cherie made coffee as I went out with the critters. Leaps and bounds would be an accurate description. The picture I’m putting on is from yesterday when I put the little poopers on the bed to help motivate Cherie.

Cherie’s back is in pretty bad shape. She had a hard time just getting comfortable last night and this morning was like the last. She was able to go to the bathroom by herself. There was a small scorpion in there so she recounted how she killed it. First she plastered it to the floor with hairspray. Next she beat it repeatedly with an Oil of Olay box. After nudging it repeatedly to make sure it was dead she wrapped it in toilette paper and sent it swimming to the septic system. Seems that when she lived in Phoenix her roommate told her that scorpions could sting through sneakers. I cleared that concept up after I asked why she didn’t just step on it.

After that I helped Cherie wash her hair. I poured the water she had heated for this slowly as she shampooed and then rinsed. Then I had to help her stand up. Getting a new mattress will be our next major investment. The one we have now is the one that came with the house. No telling how old it is but it is for sure not in good shape.

I let Cherie have one of my pain pills to help and needed to take one for myself. Because I am so careful with them there are plenty left. From now on Cherie will take me anytime she buys something that has weight to it, like the big bags of puppy chow.

Today I plan on digging new beds to plant more corn in. Doesn’t look like I will get much if any out of the hundred and fifty or so that are already there. All part of the learning how to garden.

So that’s the start of our day.
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It’s 10:15 PM now. Turned into a busy day so I will try to reconstruct it. I don’t know if I called Janie or she called me but she let me know that their neighbor was taking down a cedar fence and asked if they knew anyone who could use the wood. I quickly volunteered to take it off their hands. Wood of any kind I can find a use for on this old farm and I wanted to build a fence to keep the dogs secure.

Cherie was planning on going in to Midland to do some shopping so I suggested she follow me to Steve and Janie’s to say hi and then go shopping. We were warmly greeted and enjoyed an hour or three of fellowship where we talked of guitars, music, dogs, and fixing up houses. Then Steve walked me over to the neighbors and introduced me. They were an older couple and their kids and grandkids were visiting I think. I apologize for not remembering their names. Always feel bad about being unable to do that but they understand. He has a relative or someone they know who was also in a coma and is a traumatic brain injury survivor so understands well my problems.

So he showed me the fencing they are removing along with metal posts that are at least seven feet tall. There is plenty there and, while the bottom inch or two may be a bit rotted, it’s good cedar and will be a blessing to have. Because Steve and Janie had someone coming over or something I planned on loading the wood by myself. It wouldn’t have been hard to do taking just a couple or three boards at a time but…(I wish I could remember his name) wouldn’t have it and called his whole family in. Next thing I know there is Mike, his son I think, and maybe his wife, a young lady, and a kid who looked about thirteen all there helping along with the owner.

The wife asked if I could get some help unloading the wood in Stanton and I had to tell her I really didn’t. “Do you attend a church there?” she asked in response so I sadly told her that we had for six months but never got a visitor. We had pastor come by and talk for a while when we first arrived but the two others who came by dropped stuff off and left without really talking. “That’s not right” she said and invited us to her church. I told her we were going to First Baptist of Midland and she said “That’s our church”. Finding out they do computer I gave her my card with the blog address on it. Then Mike and the nice old guy who’s name I can’t recall (this is beginning to irk me) offered to follow me back to the farm and help me unload. I’m just some stranger picking up their old wood and here they are not just willing but wanting to go out of their way to help. Steve and Janie had their son go help unload also so I just had Mike join us instead of the whole clan. They followed me back to the farm and had the truck emptied out in no time at all.

Somewhere in all this Steve, Janie, their son Tyrell (I think that’s his name) took Cherie and I to Fudruckers. Never been there before. Now this is a hamburger joint deluxe. Haven’t seen anything like it in Toledo or all of Ohio and Michigan. Still not used to seeing beer sold at this kind of establishment but that’s part of the Texas culture I suppose. I am sure that if I took them to Toledo where you have a small bar on every other block in the old neighborhoods they would find that unusual.

So after all was said and done I was worn out, as I often am, and crawled into bed, taking a two or three hour nap. I woke up close to five and called Cherie, who had gone back to shopping. She was just getting on the highway heading home. Her back is still messed up pretty bad. She found a used mattress set for a hundred bucks but Steve let us know that it’s against the law to sell used mattresses. We’ll figure something out and whenever we have a need it seems to get met, either we run into a deal or something.

It’s after eleven now so I’m gonna call it a night. See y’all tomorrow. I never did dig those beds for the corn.

The Gathering

6/22/07 Friday
It’s four in the morning. Cherie’s back is a mess. She doesn’t remember doing anything to cause it but simply sitting up is a difficult painful trial. I’ll do what I can to help her out.

The Gathering
Throughout the history of man there has always been those who were the communicators. In ancient times they were often wanderers, or travelers recognized by the cloak and staff that were the trademarks of their trade. In every society you find names for them. They were known as “Bards” in the ancient Celtic culture. The Greeks called them Rhapsodians, in Europe they were Minstrels, in the Scandinavian realm they were Skalds, go to ancient India and Iran and you will find them called udgātṛ, and in the Africa of times gone by they were the Griots. The prophets and sages also can be included in this caste.

For all of them words were their tools. Often they would use music and poems to carry their words to the ears of the listeners, enhancing the delivery of their message. These wanderers of old did much more than just recite the histories and genealogies or their people. In addition to being the “newspapers” of the day, spreading news of what was going on in the realm, they inspired their listeners to live by moral codes and emulate the deeds and ethics told of.

Not only did they recount the legends and tales of old but they would, through the use of satire among other things, reveal the faults and deprivations of the time. So these wanderers with their cloaks and staffs were guardians and guides. Often unseen or unnoticed as they performed these duties they had, and have, a powerful influence on their world.

So a call has been put out, a trumpet blown for a gathering of some of these bards. In this day and age they wander through the internet where their words travel the world at the click of a button but their words still have power and entertain. Their mediums are the blogs and we now call them “Bloggers”. So today there will be a “Gathering” of some of the bloggers of the area. I have been asked to attend this momentous event. It will be a huge crowd of luminaries numbering perhaps seven or eight. Or maybe three, I don’t know but it will be great fun to meet some of my fellow bloggers and I look forward to it. I just hope Cherie is up to going.
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We made it to the big shebang just fine. At first we just got a cup of coffee and sat down looking at different people wondering “Is he one of the blogger people?” because we don’t know any of them. Then Janie showed up and we relaxed cause she knows everybody. It wasn’t long till the rest of the crowd trickled in, with the exception of Eric who had already said he would be coming in on his bike after some kind of ride.

It wasn’t long before he showed. He saunters in after riding his bike fifty miles or something and just sits down cool as can be. No shortness of breath and not soaking with sweat. My puppies take me out and run me twenty feet and I’m a ball of sweat and have to sit down. The way Eric talks you’d think he was sixty five years old, chuckling about how someone fifty is still a youngster. It’s not fair (said with teenage whiney exasperation) Anyway it’s my fault for being out of shape.

So we started with introductions with everyone explaining who they were. Some got out business cards and I gave out a few with our blog address on it. Unfortunately I can’t remember any of the names except the two who were sitting to my left. That is only because they both gave me business cards. My apologies to the rest of you but that’s part of the short term memory loss. Darrel Ward, the guy who does morning news and weather on channel nine was next to me and J.P. Hearn, who has a website called bleuchocolate.com was next to him. Then there was Eric and Janie whom we already know and two other guys. I’ll have to get Janie to tell me who they are. One has a photography blog I believe and while I can’t recall what the other gentleman was involved in I know he is well traveled and knowledgeable of the television media realm. As was the photography guy.

So there was lots of intelligent conversation and I was grateful to be sharp, running a good nine on the bob scale. It was hard for me to keep up with everything and some of the conversation revolved around the oil industry so I was clueless there. Darrel and I talked a bit. I told him a little about what I’d been through and we talked about God and related matters. I am never sure how I am coming across but think I did ok.

JP is a chef and would like to open a restaurant sometime. His wife runs a business that does something with buying and selling homes I believe. JP specializes in chocolate. I like chocolate so perhaps he can trade me some for squash? Hey, use what you got ya know. Speaking of squash we brought a bunch to give to Eric and Janie. They both were grateful and I was glad to be able to give it. Eric’s wife, Debbie, came in towards the end. She is always careful to let me know who she is, conscious of my short term memory loss and difficulty recognizing faces. This thoughtfulness and consideration is always appreciated.

So we discussed the worlds ills and how to solve them. Then it was time for many to get going so we broke up. Cherie and I ordered some food after seeing Eric and Debbie did. After I had to get one of their deserts that the sneaky devils put on display as soon as you walk in. Got the turtle cheesecake. Good stuff made the right way.

I started to slowdown about two thirds of the way through the afternoon, with the voices and sounds all around starting to overwhelm me but by focusing on just one conversation did well controlling it. I made sure Janie and Eric got their squash and will be getting some for Darrel when the next batch comes due. That won’t be long.

When I came back in from handing out the squash I found Cherie talking with two blond women. I couldn’t place them so thought she had made some friends. Walking up she, understanding I wouldn’t know who they were introduced them and let me know they were from the Stanton Church. One is the wife of the Sunday school teacher who’s class we first attended. It was good to see them.

After all this Cherie had a list of estate sales she wanted to look for a dresser or something to store linins in so we went to two of them. She found something at the second one so loading it up we headed home.

The luncheon took a lot of me. Not only being out in public but mostly interacting and keeping up with the whole bunch. I had to work to stay awake on the fifteen minute drive home. When we got here I just went straight to bed and didn’t wake up till six o’clock. Like I said it took a lot out of me.

So that’s a summary of today. I’m gonna call it a night folks so till next time…

It's always good to wake up

6/21/07 Thursday
It’s a good morning, as are all mornings I am privileged to wake up. Again I tell of how my life is a gift and how I am grateful for every day I have but add to that the blessings of being reunited with my wife after twenty years and all that has happened since and I am humbled. Why me? What could I have done to deserve this? I know the answer to that last question. I have done nothing to deserve these blessings. Well, I have done many good things in my life and from what I learned as I researched my past always had a heart for those in poor circumstances but the bad outweighed the good. And still I wonder if there is a God, and if His hand is in the many marvelous things that have happened as if orchestrated by that unseen hand. I understand that my honesty in revealing these doubts or questions may disturb some but being honest is one of the promises I made to myself after I woke from the coma. I search for answers and in that search find more questions as I see contradictions in the lives of some I meet. Then there are the few who have come into our lives out of the blue that shine in contrast. Here I see a glimmer of what I seek. A glimpse of truth. People who practice what they profess.

Mama isn’t feeling good this morning. She’s fighting some kind of intestinal thing and has been since yesterday. She bravely endured as we celebrated our anniversary despite feeling so poorly. This morning she asked if oatmeal would be ok for breakfast cause she didn’t feel up to doing more. I told her to go to bed and that I would cook breakfast. I had her give me a list of what she had planned on doing and will be running to town where I will drop off checks to pay bills and picking up the mail. Her check comes direct deposit at midnight so that should be safe. I’m also going to get a two liter of ginger ale that should help settle her stomach.

That’s the start of our day folks. Be back whenever.
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It’s 9:30 at night now. Just came in from working in the garden. My trip into Stanton to take care of the chores went ok. I didn’t have a list other than the note Cherie made to get the ginger ale. The envelops with the checks and papers I needed to drop off served as the list. After doing it all and picking up the mail I headed home. Looking over I saw two more envelops sitting on the seat. Nuts. I forgot to put them in the mailbox. Typical kind of thing for me.

When I dropped the check off at the electric company I asked if someone could explain the bill. A lady came out and took me to her office. She went through the bills point by point explaining everything. When I got home Cherie asked what she said and I tried to answer but couldn’t remember a thing. Lot of good that did.

There was a lot I was going to write but am pretty tired. Besides that the back pain is up there from working in the garden. I know it sounds strange but lately, as I work out there, I have scriptures come to mind and formulate bible studies. Beats me where that comes from but this has been happening for some time now. I need to start writing them down. Problem is I forget what I think by the time I make it inside.

Ill call it a night.

The garden

On this post I'll just put pictures on I took with comments. I try to make the comments line up with the pictures but it doesn't always come out right but you can figure it out.

This first picture shows the difference in where we painted half the living room and the other half.









Many people said "You can't grow sweetcorn out here" referring to the corn worms and other major obstacles. Well, it wasn't the corn worms, the heat, or the West Texas wind that did this corn in, it was bob. I would guess that about half of my corn is in pretty bad shape from the soap insecticide mixture I sprayed on it. Some may make it but we will see. I'm gonna plant a bunch more in a few days.







This is the melon patch. Seems that the vine type of plants, squash and melons, do well under my hands.












If you look close you can see two little watermelons.












This is some of the squash plants. Cherie cooked up our first spaghetti squash last night. It was good stuff man. There's gonna be plenty so if any of you locals want some let me know.











This is gooseneck squash. It freezes well. This is the very first food we ate out of the garden.











Pumpkins. These are the type you make pies out of, not the Halloween type. Can't wait to make a pie out of this instead of out of a can.













This is the tomato and pepper patch. You can see the wind breaks and trellises I made out of the wire fencing I scavenged from the landfill.












Unfortunately many of the tomatoes and peppers aren't doing too well. They got sprayed with the soap mix as well but weren't in good shape anyway. All part of the gardening education.









The beans aren't doing too bad though the wind is beating them up as well.








That's all folks.

Shock and surprise

6/20/07 Wednesday
The morning started as it always does now, with the joyful greeting of the puppies when we release them from their room in response to their cries for freedom. It is so great to start out the day this way, to laugh and love with these two bundles of joy. It makes up for the children we will never be able to have. Starting the day with a smile and laughter is as good as it gets. A few puppy kisses all over the face is just an added bonus.

I have been out working on the garden as I like to do in the morning coolness. Watered, hoed, weeded and then took pictures. Remember, this is bob’s school on how to grow and I’ll tell you bob is learning a lot. I’ll get to that in a bit but first lets talk about the most important thing of the day.

I came to the veranda and called Cherie, asking her to get me a glass of tea. I would do it myself but when I am in the back lot, where I had spent so much time chopping down weeds yesterday, my boots get coated with those stickers from the crabgrass and I don’t want to track them in. So Cherie puts ice in the cup and pours the tea, bringing it out to me. I am hot and sweaty and sit down to rest and enjoy this cup of cold wetness. Oh it is so good in the growing heat of the day.






As I am savoring the tea Cherie comes to the door. “Happy anniversary honey” she says with a smile. The cup I had just raised to my lips stays there, frozen in position as my mind races to comprehend what it just heard. “Anniversary? From our first marriage? No, that can’t be it. What day is it? OHHH!!!” the light blinked on. “Today’s the twentieth?...Happy anniversary honey” I said as I watched her smiling face. Today we have been married three years. Yeah, I wasn’t cognizant of it but Cherie understands these things escape me and that’s just the way it is because of the brain damage. I am so blessed to have someone who understands.










So I told her we will go out to eat but she let me know that there is only six dollars in the bank account so we can’t. Well I have twenty six bucks in my wallet so we are going somewhere. I don’t care if it’s Sonic we’re going out.












I’ll do a whole post on the garden later. Right now the fatigue thing that plagues me is setting in so I should take a nap. Almost fell asleep writing this. Here's a picture from our first wedding. Ain't she pretty? And she's just as beautiful today as she was twenty seven years ago when this was taken.
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I called Eric and asked him where a decent low cost place to take Cherie out to was. He ran off a list of places and Jason’s Deli sounded like it fit the bill best. So that is where we went for our anniversary. It was a great choice. When we first came to Midland I remember writing how poorly it compared to Toledo when it came to eating establishments. Now, through Eric and Janie we are discovering more of what this city offers. The places have been here, we just didn’t know where. Of course the fact that our budget doesn’t allow much dining out is a factor in this also.

So we had a great time and will go back on later dates. Great food and healthy as well. Love the organic items offered and no transfats being used. Complimentary low fat ice cream was a nice cap to the evening.

This is tonights sunset. A nice end for a nice day. Night all

Keeping my eyes on the gift

6/19/07 Tuesday
The puppies were moving much faster than I this morning. (Duh, No surprise, get used to it you old fart) They were out the door before I could get my cloudy minded butt dressed. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I was moving much slower this morning though their energy level leaps forward everyday. I coaxed them into the back yard as I do every morning in order to make that a place they go instead of towards the highway out front. They discovered that the pool is a cool place to be and that getting in the water won’t hurt them yesterday. Got one bad side effect from that. Trixie pawed and played in their drinking water feeder, splashing water all over the place. Not a big deal, just means I’ll have to fill it more often.

They are exploring their domain more each day, ranging out farther all the time. Unfortunately that means they are getting into the crabgrass and picking up those nasty stickers more. When one gets on their paw we hear them yelp and they come limping to the door. Both of them are starting to get better at laying on their back on our laps as we work to remove them. It’s can still turn into a fight but not as often. I so look forward to getting rid of these weeds and planting some kind of grass. That will make a big difference in so many ways. It will take a lot of work and probably a long time before these parts of our vision for the farm to come to pass. But it’s our home and dream, we plan to live out our lives here.

It’s going to hit a hundred plus degrees today so I need to get the outside work done now before things get too bad. I had some serious chest pains last night which were probably due to the heat and dehydration. Came with a pounding head also. It all subsided when I came in, took two aspirin, drank two glasses of tea, and laid down. But Cherie made me call it a day so the painting didn’t get done. It’s all ready to go now with the masking work done so it won’t take long to put the second coat on. This is a primer, stain blocker, covering paint, and thick as pudding but still needs a second coat. At this rate the five gallon pail may not be enough to do the living room.

It looks like our Direct Buy membership will go to collection. That’s a shame as we never got to use it at all. There goes a thousand dollars and it will be our first mark on our credit since the bankruptcy. It was a great idea when we thought we would have $20,000.00 from the inheritance to fix the house up. We could have gotten everything from replacement windows to appliances, and thousands of other products at half the price you pay in a store. How quickly things can vanish into the wind. Puff…it’s gone.

Ah quit whining bob. You’re blessed and one of the richest men in the world for you have what money can’t buy. A miraculous new and restored life where everything has gone a full circle and returned to where it was over twenty years ago. Where that which was destroyed has been brought back. Remember, every day you wake up is a gift.

It is good to keep my eyes on that and not forget. Gotta get out there before it gets too hot. Time to wrap my head with the T shirt I use to soak up the sweat and keep the sun off.
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I came in at 2:00. Been out busting my butt with the hoe, trying to get all the weeds in the back patch chopped down. As I worked the hoe up and down, feeling the blisters start and changing my grip to ease that, I remembered and thought. I first learned to work in a Texas prison and it was with a hoe. Up until then I never really held a job. The closest I came was military service, other than that there were only occasional jobs that would last a few weeks.

My grandmother, who left us this house and farm, visiting me in prison. 1976

Texas prison, what a shock that was for a nineteen year old kid who weighed maybe a hundred and forty pounds after living on the street and drugs. I remember that first day we were sent out into the fields. We were called out of the cells and lined up. Then we were marched outside and saw the “Bosses”. They sat on their tall horses without a smile and all of them wore mirrored sunglasses. In Texas prison you said “Yes sir Boss. No sir Boss.” Either that it was “Sergeant lieutenant” or whatever rank they held with a “Sir” attached. It was like something straight out of the movies, only it was real now.

So we were divided up into squads and marched to whatever area they would have us work in. The guards rode behind us on their horses close, barking commands to the squad leader, the inmate they put in charge who was invariably the biggest meanest guy on the lot. When we arrived we were handed our hoes. They weren’t at all like the hoe I bought at Home Depot. This one had a handle made from some kind of tree branch that grew in the low lying river banks and had the bark shaved off. The head was a piece of steel plate welded on a short piece of pipe where the handle attached. And it was heavy.

We were lined up tightly, chest to back and commenced to chopping the ground in front of us at a steady rhythmic rate. Being the new guy I was placed in the middle and quickly learned to keep up. With each chop of the hoe everyone would slide their left foot forward maybe four inches. The guys on either end were called “Lead row” and “Tail row”. Their job was to keep everyone squeezed in tight. As we worked I could feel the blisters grow on my soft virgin hands but there was no stopping. Oh no, not at all. You kept going, up and down, up and down, chop, chop, shuffle forward, chop, chop. “Take a break Boss?” I hear asked. “You better keep your ass working if you know what’s good for you” was the stern reply. Me, I don’t want to be noticed and keep going, pushing hard to maintain my grip as these unused muscles began to lose their strength. The blisters on my hands pop open but I grit my teeth and take the pain. Soon the blisters are replace with open sores where the skin was worn all the way through. They start bleeding. This just makes it harder to keep your grip as the hands begin to slide on the blood. But I keep going, chop, chop, up down, shuffle forward, keep going. There are breaks for water which are welcome for sure.

My squad is one with the new and also smaller inmates who, like me, are in poor physical shape. When it’s time to go in we are “run in”. All the squads are “run in” so it’s maybe a hundred inmates running with the guards behind on their horses breathing down our necks. If you stumble you get run over.

So I learned to work in Texas prison. I learned to work hard and fact is I like to work hard. One of the frustrations I have now with this disability thing is the limits I must face. Gone are the days I regularly put in fourteen hour days. I still push but it comes with a price. My tolerance for pain is much higher than the average guy but it has limits. Between that and the heat I came in. I’m a bit unsteady on my feet and took another pain pill. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t get as much done. I’ll rest for a couple of hours and then think we will tackle the painting in the living room. Pretty much done outside as the temperatures are hitting a hundred now. It’s the heat that saps my strength. But I like to work.
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It’s 8:00. That took a lot out of me, working out in the sun that is. Been sharp all day as far as the brain goes but the body is dragging. I can deal with that just fine. There have been many times that Cherie has heard me say that I would gladly spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair in exchange for my mind staying sharp. Physical stuff I can push through but it’s the forgetting and confusion that drives me nuts. Earlier today I had taken one glove off to do something. Later I was out hoeing weeds when I looked at my hand and realized it was missing. So I began looking all over for it. I looked in the wheelbarrow, under the leaves of the pumpkin plants where I was working, and in the pile of weeds I had made but there was no glove in sight. I thought and thought again trying to recall what I might have done with it but there was nothing there. So I looked all around the area again and finding nothing decided to look in the garage. There it was. When it got there and why I took it off is gone from this mind. So here’s a paradox. I clearly remember all this happening but can’t remember taking only one glove off or how long I worked with only one on before I noticed. It’s not the forgetting but the unpredictability that drives me nuts. I never know when something will just blank out. Kind of like the times, rare though they are, when I am driving and suddenly nothing is familiar and I don’t know where I am or where I was going. Scary stuff. Then it comes back to me, usually.

So we are going to get moving on the painting. Got to put the puppies in their room. Otherwise we are liable to have white puppy tracks all over. They are starting to bark now. That surprised Cherie. I heard her calling “Rob, come here” with a panicky sense of urgency. “Trixie is getting all kinds of aggressive. She was barking and growling at me” she said as I watched Trixie bouncing around in her joyous “Lets play” fit of energy. It was the first time Cherie had heard Trixie bark and, having only owned cats and never dogs before, was a bit taken aback. My lovely wife can be a worrier at times so didn’t know what was wrong. Was it rabies, was it…? Who knows what went through her head but I reassured her that Trixie just was saying “Play with me” with her new found voice. Kids. Whatcha goin to do??? They are tearing up the living room and being very vocal as I write. Boy are we in for it as the get bigger.

So it’s time to paint. Be back later. If I feel like it.

Up at sunrise

6/18/07 Monday
Up at sunrise again. I like it and see it as a good habit to get into. Like we have a choice with these two growing puppies. It is also good for it gets me out in the garden early while it is still cool. The temperatures are going to be approaching triple digits today, maybe 98 degrees and summer solstice is Thursday or thereabouts. It’s summer time. We are so grateful for the loving gift of the evaporative air conditioner from Janie and the two Steve’s, Jib and Jab. That reminds me I need to call Jab and see if he is ready for me to help him learn how to do some computer stuff. Not sure I can but am sure I want to try.

So I replanted the black eye peas that didn’t come up or were eaten. That was about a third of what I planted before. Also put more rocks on the black plastic I laid out with the hope of killing the crab grass. The wind had already tore some of it loose.

It appears that I have killed and damaged a bunch of my corn with the soap insecticide mix. The bottom joints got mushy and…well died or are thinking hard about it. I read online or in the Mother Earth News that some soaps will do that. There’s a chance I read about this before I mixed the batch but forgot as I do so much. It is always frustrating.

So that’s all I can think to write this morning. Not doing too bad though I didn’t get to sleep till two this morning. Wide awake I started my Balaam’s ass blog. Don’t have any posts yet but got it all set up. I’ve been meaning to do this for a year or more but am just now getting going. Nothing unusual with that and I will have to push to complete this project or it will join the many other things I start and don’t finish.

Time to get moving. We’ll put a second coat of paint in the living room and move the furniture over to start another section.
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Never got the painting done. It got up to 102 degrees today so working out in the garden took it’s toll. I did get the windows masked off.

Pretty tired right now so will call it a night. Looked at Mapstats and there have been over 1900 pages read on this blog over the last four hours. Someone or some people are seriously digging into this journal. Naturally I am curious who it is. There are only 1394 pages in the journal on this laptop and it goes back a few years more than what I published in the blog.

Night folks. Have a good one and I’ll see ya tomorrow.

father's day

6/17/07 Sunday
We set the alarm for 6:30 to insure we were up and ready for church on time. I don’t know why we bothered as the puppies had us up by 6:00. Took them out for their morning romp as always. They know this is the routine and head right for the door after getting their morning tail wagging bouncing licking pets. Then we go out and run.

I am getting the skin flush with a slight sweat and dizziness that are a precursor to a slowdown. Not at all convenient just before church. Having Cherie with me will help a lot. She is a support for sure and her presence is reassuring which reduces the stress that makes these partial seizures worse and last longer.

As always things are unpredictable with this unstable system that runs my body. Didn’t really have a seizure as in a mental slowdown but my physical ability was effected. When I woke up the pain level was high and I still had the headache I went to sleep with so I took a pain pill for the back and aspirin for the headache. The pain pill strangely doesn’t touch my headaches. This morning it didn’t seem to help with the back pain either. Walking was (and currently is) a chore and I had to keep my hands touching the walls or Cherie to insure I wouldn’t fall over. It is kind of weird to have to touch something in order to determine you are upright and not tilting off to a side. Especially when you will fall over if you don’t. I can visually tell but touching something works better. Cherie took my arm a few times to help. When everyone closes their eyes to pray I have to leave mine open for the same reason.

We were warmly greeted as we always have been. One lady (Forgive me for not remembering your name) follows the blog and asked how I was doing on the bob scale. I told her I was running at a 6 which is not bad. She said that they had been thinking of coming to visit and asked for our phone number. I let her know we would be blessed to have visitors and would love to have them come over.

We got home and the puppies were bouncing in greeting at the door. We surveyed for pee and poop. There were a couple of puddles. Unfortunately the little brats have discovered where Carman kitties food bowl is kept and cleaned that out. Now that they know we will have to devise a way they can’t get to it. The fact that Carman can jump and get to places they can’t, at least not yet, will help.

So it’s father’s day and of course they wanted the father’s to stand up. I didn’t. I raised Bruce and Adam from the time they were four and five and they called me dad but we don’t talk now, since the rather nasty divorce. I didn’t expect them to send or do anything and they haven’t but I sent them an E mail saying I love them and think of them with a link to the blog and my phone number.

I wonder if my dad will even open the card I sent. It is hard.

So that is the start of the day. See ya next time I post.
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Got a second wind after having to lay down for a while because of the headache and back pain. Dug up the roll of black plastic I had recovered from my old warehouse and spread it over a large portion of the crabgrass that covers the area Leroy tilled up. I think it’s called crabgrass. It’s got these thorny seeds that are damn painful and everywhere. They are hard on the puppies as well as me. So I figure the hot sun shining on the black plastic should kill these weeds in a week or two. Don’t know but it’s worth a try. If I wanted to use a poison like Roundup I’d get rid of all this but have determined to stay away from that stuff, especially where I’m growing food I’ll eat.

After spreading the plastic and weighting it down with bricks and rocks I got the hoe and commenced to chopping more of these nasty things. Cherie came out and called me to come and grill the bacon wrapped filets she got me for father’s day. I needed to quit anyway. Always do more than I should but always pay the price for doing so. No biggy. I do what I gotta do.

After we ate we finally got to painting the half of the living room I had sanded and prepared. Just got done at 11:00 so we are both beat. I had to take a pain pill for I have been rough on the old back despite how much it complained. It should help me sleep.

That’s all folks. Night now.

Much better morning

6/16/07 Saturday
It’s a much better morning than it was with yesterday’s evening. The puppies are doing a great job of helping us with our goal of getting up earlier. In fact they insist. That’s what we get for letting them overhear our conversation on that. “Kids”, go figure. The little whippersnappers just don’t respect their elders. In fact they have gotten papa (me) to do his aerobic exercises the doctors wanted years ago.

I spent a lot of time yesterday making a little wire fence to keep them out of the flower garden. Cherie has a magazine on Border Collies, which is half of our guys’ lineage, that declares them the smartest dogs on earth. So what do these seven week old little shits do??? They find their way through the fence in short order. First it was Rascal. After I scolded him with the word he recognizes most “NO” and pulled him over the eighteen inch high fence by the scruff of his neck (This is humane and how mothers carry puppies for those of you who may think it’s abuse) Trixie commenced to pace the fence looking for a way in. I stood close and watched, ready to explain the error of her ways the instant she found a flaw in this hastily erected barrier made out of whatever I could find. That didn’t take long. Hearing a clear and forceful “NO” she recognized this was not a good idea. Yeah, these guys are smart and yeah we’re in for it as they grow up.

I got two E mails yesterday that have me thinking and rethinking. They were both E mails sent to others and CC’d to me. It seems that a small group of well respected members of Midland’s blogging community are getting together to enjoy each other’s company face to face versus through the blogosphere. It appears I am invited. This just blows me away and I will E mail Eric to make sure I am not misinterpreting the E mail being forwarded to me. In my mind I don’t come close to the caliber of these other’s work. My blog just talks about me and our life while the other blogs discuss local and political happenings as well as deep intellectual subjects like gnats in the teeth as one rides a bike grinning. It has me thinking. What I am contemplating is reviving my “What about bob” blog, that has languished with only an occasional commentary on my view of social issues. In it I will expound on things other than myself with the delusional idea that it will better mankind and have a profound effect on the lives of those who read it. You know, the ranting’s of a brain damaged mind.

As I cook breakfast for Cherie, who gracefully endured the ugly that sometimes comes with the partial seizures I am pondering more on this. I realize that a lot of what I talk about in the Walked with Angels blog can be depressing. No one likes to hear someone bitch, whine, and complain all the time. At the same time we are incredibly blessed and I am unsure if I convey that well. I’ll have to go back and read to see as I can’t remember what I wrote for the most part.

But on the other side of the coin is one of the purposes I have for this blog. That is to illustrate the problems that come with a traumatic brain injury, to raise awareness of this. Then there is the fact that this is a daily journal of our life and the reality is it is not easy. We are poor by most standards though there are many who are in worse shape. In revealing this it is not my goal to gain sympathy at all. Having experienced a dramatic change in life circumstances, going from a successful and respected business owner to being a homeless man wandering with only part of his mind has given me a glimpse of a world few who read this have seen. Not only do I desire to raise awareness of brain injury but I wish to illustrate the strength and will of many who’s lives are a daily struggle. Actually that doesn’t hold true to this blog. It is a desire I have but this will require another avenue to accomplish, perhaps a book. Again I have desires and visions that may never be done.

But I ramble so back to thoughts on this blog. Yes things have not been a paved road for us but the blessings we get on the way are better exemplified when shown with the hardships. You see white better when it is on a black background. America loves the story of triumph against impossible odds, of good overcoming evil. In my imagination I like to think our lives touch on that. I picture myself as a man who refuses to give up, as a man who prevails over that which would mire him in a mud of despair. I know I don’t even come close to what others have overcome but still think this is a better way to view and approach life.

So a simple perceived invitation spurs these thoughts. That is the power of being accepted, of someone saying “We like you, we want to include you”.

I know it is a bit of a dig but say it in the hope of spurring improvement. It is a shame we haven’t felt this from some in Stanton. Not all, just some. I hope you will learn to better open up and include others who will be new in this community, to show the love of Jesus up close and personal, not from a safe distance.
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Had a short slowdown. Only lasted about a half hour. It came with a headache as they often do and that promises to be around a little longer.

I worked on the living room, sanding down where I had patched the drywall. As I feared some of the tape didn’t stick and the plaster on top was too thin so the sander went through to it. Didn’t look pretty. I’ll have to play with it some. But for the most part the walls are ready to paint. The windows will take more work. I’ll have to scrape the loose paint and put masking tape on.

I’m having to work to remember what else I did this afternoon. Can’t come up with anything other than playing with the puppies and taking pictures of them. Pretty tired from the slowdown and the headache is still there but it never got real bad, just stayed lurking, threatening to get worse but not doing so.

So here’s some pictures of our kids. It’s time to go to sleep. We’re going to get them out from under the bed and to the puppy room for the night. Cherie picked up a baby gate we can use to confine them. Night all.

Stormy morning

6/15/07 Friday
It was a stormy morning as we caught the edge of a thundercloud heading towards Big Spring. I didn’t get much sleep as the puppies were carrying on underneath the bed. Finally I coaxed them out one at a time and carried them to the puppy room and locked them in. Of course this morning they were clamoring to get out but that’s always fun as they bounce with their joy to see us. We lifted them on the bed and got our puppy kisses then bee lined them out the door to go potty.

I just finished signing the father’s day card Cherie picked up for me yesterday. Put a note in it that said “I wasn’t the best son but you’re the only dad I’ve got”. I also said that my brother, Larry, told me that dad was afraid I wanted to sue him and that I never had that in mind. Wrote that I would be willing to sign any document he wished to alleviate that concern.

To fill you new readers in I guess the best word to describe my relationship with my dad would be “estranged”. I probably should look that up but it feels right. I left home at fourteen and came to live with my grandmother on this farm. We rarely talked and the conversations were short. I was a constant disappointment and it wasn’t until I was a successful business man that he began to open up a little. When I had the accident my ex called him and, as is typical, told him a story that made me look bad and her the victim in the divorce that was finalized the day before the wreck.

Oh she told the story good, how I was a heroin addict, how I fooled around with many women, and I am sure a few other juicy things she invented. She somehow failed to mention how I had caught her performing a sex act on her now live in lover in the parking lot of the mall she worked at. Evidently the social worker at the hospital informed my dad that I was withdrawing from heroin as well.

So when I tried to call him from my brother’s place in St Louis my mom picked up the phone. Dad came by and hearing it was me got on and yelled “Don’t you ever call here again”. At this early stage of my brain injury emotional control was non existent so I went off. I asked if he still had the box I made for him some years ago and then told him that if he didn’t want anything to do with me send the box back. Inside I had hoped he would want to keep it but he said “I’ll get it right out” and hung up. That was in 2002 and the last conversation I have had with him. It is my belief that my brother is filling dad’s head full of poison for he tried to do that with my grandmother, trying to convince her to leave me this old beat up house and him all the land. What a snake.

So father’s day is a tough time for me. I’ll send an E mail with pictures of the puppies to my two boys for father’s day as they don’t send anything to me. That’s to be expected after the nasty divorce I had with their mom. It got real unpleasant and unfortunately they were dragged into the conflict.

So that’s my start. I must have worked the wrist too hard yesterday as holding the mug of coffee is pretty painful. Suppose I should put the brace on. Not real happy right now. A little down thinking about dad. I’ll work through it as I always do.
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It’s 1:30. Cherie is off to Midland to do laundry and pick up a few things. She was probably glad to get out of the house cause I can be unpleasant when going through emotional issues like it being fathers day. I got to work on the living room at last. Am putting the plaster stuff and tape on the corner that is a big open crack as well as some of the other cracks and nail holes. I got good at this when I did the office, kitchen, and back room, but as is frustratingly usual must relearn it all over again. Not sure if what I did will work. Put the drywall joint stuff on the corner trying to work it in. That was hard. I know there is some slick way to do it with the spatula scraper thing but I had to work at it. By the time I got ready to put the joint tape over the plaster it was drying and I spread it to thin in some places. I added water to the plaster stuff and slathered it on pretty thick. Time will tell if this works. Right now I am getting that dizziness and ringing ears that tell me a partial seizure is here. That will let the plaster dry so I can sand it down. I need to look up the squash I planted to see when it’s ready to harvest. Some of it looks like it’s there. Probably should fix something to eat. Got to eat by the clock when you don’t feel hunger. Pretty tired also.
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It is now 3:23. I am running at a four on the bob scale. That’s pretty slow but not too bad. I’ve been a lot worse. The headache is up there, not migraine level but not fun. I took a couple of aspirin. I would take a pain pill but can’t remember when I took the last one so won’t. Try to be pretty careful with them. Hard to believe I used to take this stuff by the handful but that is exactly why I am so careful. Don’t want to fall into that trap.

The stuff I used on the wall is still not dry after two hours. I looked on the pail and it is called all purpose joint compound. I seemed to remember it drying much faster but my memory is proven to not be reliable. I resisted the desire to take a nap…I think I did. I remember fixing, heating up something Cherie had gotten out of the freezer for me. Don’t remember what it’s called but it had round noodles and a red tomato sauce with hamburger in it. It was good. As I write I am trying to recollect what I did for the last two hours.

I went to look up the squash in this laptop but discovered I didn’t put a thing in it. Not a word about squash. I went out to the garage and got the seed box. I saved all the packages the seeds came in and they often have information about harvesting. It appears that the only thing ready to harvest is called Early Prolific Straightneck. I brought two of them in.

Cherie just came home. I can always get a better idea of how slow I am when I interact with someone. Pretty rough but I still put it at a four. She gave me some of the dark chocolate she bought last week. I like dark chocolate.

I put big rocks in and around the puppy pool. Figure it will make it easier for them to get used to it. I need to rest whether I want to or not.
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It has been a hard day. Had to push to get anything done and that wasn’t much. Still a little slow. The anger is a constant struggle at times like this. The puppies again trashed the flower beds I had planted for Cherie. I put up some fencing with the stuff I scavenged from the landfill. The plastering job doesn’t look too good. I don’t feel like writing any more so good night.

Morning has risen

This morning's sunrise

6/14/07 Thursday
Morning has risen and so did we at the urging of the puppies. I was doing fine till they started digging in the flower bed, wiping out a sunflower and some other flowers that had just started coming up. Now I am angry and that is not a good thing for me. Anger is one of the biggest problems with the emotional control issues caused by the brain damage. Most of the emotions are controlled by the frontal lobes in the brain and those are some of the areas most damaged in me. The MRI’s show all kinds of dead spots there. If I don’t get involved doing something to focus my mind elsewhere it will be a problem. Some can’t or refuse to understand this thus judging me as if I was a normal person. This is one of the biggest problems brain injury survivors face daily.

TBI is sometimes referred to as the “unseen” illness because many of us appear quite normal on the outside. What others can’t see is the millions of severed neurons and totally dead areas that make it hard for our brains to not get confused and crossed up, especially when stress and strong emotions are involved. So some will sit back with their arms crossed and smugly pass judgment as if they are so wise and knowledgeable that they “Know” this guy is just being an ass or whatever else they have decided. “He’s not disabled. He’s just using this to get sympathy, to get money and help out of us” are the kinds of things said. I have to wonder what is thought of me at the first church of Stanton, what is said as I am discussed in private conversations. Do some there judge me despite never having taken the time to even talk to me or get to know me? Without any conversation from anybody there I can only guess at what is said or thought of me. And the information I have to guess with is simply the lack of any communication, not even a phone call. Ah yes, the love of Jesus demonstrated so loudly I can’t hear a thing. Sorry, like I said there is lots of anger inside. Depression is often not far behind.

I would love to be able to write that I am wrong. In fact I really want to. But others like Janie and Eric have stepped in and helped much by just being available to talk. That is all I have asked for, never asked for gifts or money though they have been generous in that area. I even told the whole Sunday school group in Stanton that I would gladly go without food or hot water in exchange for conversation because I feared they thought I was a mooch or bum.

I think I need to go work on the garden to settle down a bit.
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Well I went to the garden. And I did what I usually do which is work till I hurt and keep going. I made up a batch of insecticide soap and sprayed it on the corn and the green beans I have planted in the corn. I read on the net and possibly the Mother Earth News magazine we just got our first copy of, that some kinds of soap are not good for this and may actually harm the plants. Cherie brought home a bar of Zote soap that Amy uses to make her home made laundry soap. It contains only a few ingredients unlike the other stuff which has a long list. That is probably better.

After spraying the corn and beans I hit the sunflowers, which I noticed was infested with aphids, and the rows of other beans that seem to be going great guns. After that I went through the corn, carefully squirting mineral oil in the corn silks and removing a few of the corn worms I found. I also pulled some weeds and did a lot of hoeing. As I did this my thoughts remained on how we, or at least me, didn’t seem to be accepted at first church of Stanton. I wondered if some thought I was one of those people who is scamming the system to get a disability check. I know I surprised a couple of them when I lifted items and unloaded and split the firewood that was brought over. Perhaps they don’t understand that my disability isn’t a physical one though, having broke my back, neck, and being partly paralyzed I have some problems. Mostly pretty bad pain that I aggravate by pushing too hard. If it wasn’t for the pain pills I wouldn’t be doing a lot of things. I really don’t know, I just want them to like me but am not good at things like that.

So I’m taking a break to let the pain subside a bit before I go back out. It’s time to run to the landfill with the garbage so I’ll check mail after that. Cherie is running to Midland to get some stuff. We are down to fifty bucks till her check comes next week but that’s not bad at all. Her job is over till the next survey so it’s time to tighten up. We are good at that but greatly enjoy these periods of what I will call plenty where we can go to a restaurant and pick up a few things extra that we like at the store.

Cherie bought an electric can opener at Walfart that was on sale for the incredibly low price of $6.00. That’s because it’s an incredibly crappy piece of junk that wouldn’t open the can of coffee we first tried it on. So that’s going back and we will get a good hand unit. We’ve been using a cheap device that doubles as a bottle opener but it was painful to use and finally bit the dust. We are going to start avoiding Walfart because we have consistent problems with their made in China stuff. I was getting groceries and noticed the garlic was imported from China. Put that back right away. There is no telling what kind of chemicals were used on it.

The puppies continue to brighten our lives. Rascal seems to be attaching to me, which works out because he is more the outside dog, and Trixie is becoming mama’s little girl. They are starting to chew on electric cords so we will have to address that. There is only one plug in our bedroom which is where the television and all kinds of stuff are so there are extension cords and power strips all over the place. The power strips all have circuit breakers on them so that helps keep things safe. I think I’ll dig up a strip of carpet to lay on top of the cords. Right now there is a towel over the main power strip so that covers a bunch of cords.

Sitting up to write on this laptop is killing the back so I’m gonna finish this and get walking around which helps a lot.
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OK, it’s 9:00 PM now so what did I do with the rest of the day? I went to the landfill and got rid of the garbage that was getting ripe in this West Texas heat. Of course I had to look around to see if there was anything I could make use of. Like they say “One mans trash is another mans treasure”. I picked up some more of the wire fencing that there is always a lot of. Used up a bunch of what I picked up last time making the tomato cages.

Oh but that wasn’t the real find. Look at this. It’s my new puppy pool. All it needed was a plug for the drain hole so I sanded down a piece of wood and added a little silicone caulk. Works great. Getting the pool home was a bit of an adventure. I threw it on top of the ladder rack of my truck and wrapped a tie down around it. On the way home I stopped at the pond I got permission to cut firewood at to see if the water level was low enough for me to get in. It was drying out fairly well. When I went back to the truck I saw that the pool was gone. Nuts. It flew off somewhere on the way home. Where? I went through Stanton and picked up the mail, then headed up the main drag on the way to the house.

Time to back track. Just hope it didn’t hit someone or cause a wreck. I got lucky. It had blown off about a mile down the road. I put it back on and tied it up better, or so I thought. So I headed merrily back down the road. I heard a noise and looking in the mirror saw that the pool was gone again. Ok, spin around and go back to find it. Tied it on again and this time drove at about forty instead of seventy miles an hour. Made it home with the pool still on top.

I filled the pool halfway and put a stone in it and one on the outside so it would be easier for the puppies to get in and out. I knew that after the trauma of their first bath they might not hanker to getting in the water real quick. Yep, I’m pretty smart. This will take some time so I am working on getting them familiar with this tub. Rascal has taken a drink out of it so that’s a start.

So the puppies have a pool. After that I did something I don’t remember but ended the day spending a few hours harvesting the winter wheat. That will be another post.

A busy day

6/13/07 Wednesday
It’s humid outside as all the moisture from the last few days makes it’s way back into the atmosphere. I went out and Dippel dusted the corn and beans, pulling a few weeds in the process. Found some different recipe’s for insecticide soap that I want to try. There was a mention about how only certain soaps really work well. Nuts. I would rather make my own to save money and on principle so I’ll have to learn what is correct.

Cherie is rushing to get ready for us to take the puppies to the vet. She is ecstatic about how much easier and quicker it is to get her hair ready. “Look at my hair. Isn’t it cute. It’s already done” she said with a huge smile as I walked past the bathroom. Works for me.

It will be a busy day and I hope I stay fairly sharp. I didn’t sleep at all last night and finally took one of the over the counter sleep aids at 3:00 this morning. Didn’t phase me so I stayed awake and eventually heard Cherie’s phone alarm as did the puppies also. Then it was “Whine, Whine” scratch at the door of the puppy room to greet us. Got to go to the vet now.
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Jimmy Patterson just left. Oh how talking with someone stimulates my mind and how I love it when that happens. He was here about an hour and a half and regretted having to make another appointment but we covered a lot of ground. He will be having a photographer come out to take some pictures later. What did we talk about? Our lives are so rich with stories there was no way to cover it all but mostly he focused on the love story and how brain injury was an integral part of it.

When Jimmy left my mind was racing with things to write and do but now it is drained a little so I might need to rest a bit. He asked if I could E mail him with any other information I could think of and there will be. I want to send him stuff about brain injury in order to help raise awareness of TBI. Think I’ll nap a little and gather thoughts later. That’s right, I didn’t get any sleep last night so that’s why I am so tired.
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It is 3:34 and I am waking from a fitful sleep. I am a little slow, running a 5 on the bob scale. Also a little short as I ask Cherie what she has planned and also what I need to be doing. When I am slow I just want simple answers to simple questions and Cherie, in trying to cover all the bases starts reading into what I ask. Example: When I asked “Did I eat?” she says yes and asks if I am hungry. She caught that as she knows I don’t feel the sensation of hunger then starts detailing how she would heat up something for me. I just simply don’t remember if I ate and want to make sure I did.

There is so much I am processing regarding the interview and impending newspaper article on us. The comprehension I have regarding the power such an article can have spurs me to think on what information to send to Jimmy. I see this as an opportunity to increase awareness and perhaps understanding of traumatic brain injuries. But there is also the inspirational story of the love Cherie and I have and how our marriage was restored. So here I am trying to write the story for Jimmy, go figure. Jimmy asked if I had a job or was able to work. That is a hard question to answer in some ways but I think I did well. But it got me thinking. One of the things I can do is write so perhaps I should pursue something in that arena.

Went to the Wednesday night dinner thing at the first church of Stanton. Been thinking about going for a while but wasn’t sure how I would be received. Still I didn’t want to just disappear or something and just lose all contact cause there are some good folks there. Peggy invited me to sit at their table. There was hardly anyone there, I suppose cause it’s summer or something. Talked with pastor Dave afterwards and brought up how I didn’t understand why we didn’t seem to feel accepted or something like that. He said he didn’t know what to tell me. We talked about squash, the garden, and he knows about the puppies so I suppose that means he reads the blog. It is nice to think he cares enough to do so. I let him know that he could stop and visit anytime he wanted. Dave also knows we are going to the first church of Midland. I told him we have been befriended by some folks who met us on the blog and invited us there.

The rest of yesterday

It's 12:30 in the morning and I am just getting around to finishing this up so here is the rest of tuesday's entry

Jimmy Patterson just called. He will be coming over at 10:30 tomorrow. I just called Cherie, who is on her way to Midland, to let her know. That way I won’t forget. Had to reboot this computer cause it was tying up. I was trying to log onto the Mt. Sinai website for the traumatic brain injury study I have been asked to participate in. I can feel a slowdown coming as I sometimes can. Hope it’s an easy one.
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It was a real short slow down as they can sometimes be. Only lasted a few minutes. After that I loaded the old air conditioner we had removed in order to install the new evaporative unit Steve and Janie bought for us, in the truck. I also put the three water bottles that needed to be refilled in. Then it was off to Habitat for Humanity’s Restore where I donated the air conditioner. I checked to see if they had any refrigerators or a breaker box but they didn’t. Knowing Cherie was in town getting her hair cut I gave her a call to see if she was done and wanted to go to Rosa’s for their taco Tuesday special we like. She was just walking out the door and was enthused about her haircut and going to Rosa’s.

She was waiting in her car when I pulled in. The first thing I noticed wasn’t her new haircut but the big smile on her face and the bounce in her step as she came towards me. Oh the haircut looks great but the effect it has on Cherie was even better. What a glow she has. Then came the surprise part. I am having Cherie write about this so will wait to see what she puts down before saying more.

Just as I thought she wrote it well and her words say more than mine could so heeerre’s Cherie.

Cherie's Hairy day
I totally did the hair thing today. I’d been thinking about it for a while and it got to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore – it just wouldn’t do anything except sit there on my head and be a mess. I asked one of my sisterfriends for some advice – and Ms. Janie suggested a couple of her favorite people for hair and trusting her judgment I called and made an appointment. Celeste at Traci’s in Midland was delightful, efficient and she thought I had a pretty thick accent!

That always catches me off guard and I find it funny, because I don’t think I have one. I keep trying to adapt to the vocal nuances of my new homeland, but fail miserably. I’m from the Midwest/Great Lakes area and will probably always sound like it. Besides when I try to talk “southern”, I seem to get the first half of a sentence sounding right, but then there’s some kind of glitch and that northern tone kicks in and I’m done. Actually, I have been referred to as a “Yankee”, which for some odd reason is hilarious. I don’t know what that means, or if it’s meant to be mean or if it’s a cultural thing so I just laugh. Oh well. I think I would prefer “Buckeye Rose”. Maybe not.

OK - back to my hair story – Celeste started cutting and we discussed what I wanted, which was basically “wash n’ wear” hair. She cut it a bit, messed with it, thinned it, and cut some more. I have a lot of hair and it was everywhere. We discussed style and color and I told her of my exploits in the land of “do-it-yourself” hair color. When I asked how much it would cost, she replied “Well, we’ll would sit down and discuss it”. WHAT?!? I didn’t say anything – what was there to discuss – I could either afford it or not.

Now I was wondering how much the cut would be and was getting concerned. I budgeted about $70 for the cut, hoping it wouldn’t be over $85.00 (which I’ve paid before). She finally gave in and told me if I decided to go with color, and seeing all the gray roots it was a no-brainer, that Ms. Janie would cover the cost – all I had to do was pay for the cut, which I still wasn’t sure about. Truthfully, Celeste did have a pricelist on her table, but I had my contacts in (vanity defense here), and couldn’t see it enough to read it! Figures. While I was under the hairdryer, Celeste gave me a choice of magazines and I choose an art one, knowing I could just look at the pictures. As usual, I was amazed at the generosity I had been receiving, and wondering what I could do to return such a favor and Celeste said it’s because of Jesus and I can’t. She may be right. When we were just about done, Celeste had to finish quickly as she had to go pick up one of her kids, and she was apologetic as she didn’t have time to style my new ‘do. That was fine with me as I prefer to do it myself anyway. Then she leaned down and said “You don’t have to worry about paying - Janie took care of you for today. And then I’m sitting there in that chair - fighting back the tears – AGAIN! So I got up thanked her, and left. Bob had called and as I left we made plans to meet up at Rosa ’s for “Taco Tuesday”. YUMMMMM.

There is a big round clock on the wall in Traci’s Salon with a scripture plaque above it. It’s from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love Oh Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands.” Now, when I looked this up in my bible, this was underlined with a date next to it – 9/12/97. I was living in Phoenix, Arizona then.........hummmmm

That’s all folks. Tomorrow will be a busy day so I’ll probably not get to post much till later but you never know with me.

Grey morning

6/12/07 Tuesday
It is a grey morning with a steady flow of light rain coming down. That will be good for the seeds I planted yesterday but won’t help the farmers who need to get in their fields. When I was taking Cherie to meet farmers for the survey there were acres of land still underwater.

Yesterday we gave the pups their first baths. You would have thought we were murdering them from the wails they made. We mostly wanted to reduce the flea population as they are not old enough for the flea powders that we were able to find. This morning they were out in the rain to do their morning duties. Rascal was right out in it without hesitation but Trixie pussyfooter her way into the drizzle. Once there she was fine. They’ve been rolling in the mud so we will have to towel that off when they come in.

The fridge has been getting worse as far as it freezing things in the keep cool part goes. When Cherie went to make eggs for breakfast they were all frozen. I finally took the thermostat control off to look at it. There is something rattling loose inside so odds are it’s toast. I went online earlier and saw them running about $90.00. Whoa, that’s steep. I’ll do some more looking around now that I have the part out and have the part number. Perhaps I can find something used or some other kind of solution. Habitat for Humanities Restore has lots of appliance stuff though I doubt fridge thermostats will be there. We could probably buy a used fridge for the price of a thermostat.

Cherie will go to Midland today. She will be getting her hair cut at 1:00 or so but will do some shopping and perhaps laundry first. This will be a good day for me to do some patch work in the living room. I also have been thinking about breaking my wood carving tools out and getting back into that love that has laid dormant for nearly a year now. The ten commandments plaques I was making for someone at the Cedar Creek church remain unfinished. I lost my inspiration when we were rejected so soundly by this church where we were married and had been excited to be involved with. I suppose this is a factor in our sensitivity concerning the first church of Stanton. Where is this “love of Jesus” they all talk about but seem to practice selectively. You know, love the ones you want to but shun the rest. How can they be so blind and why does the shepherd not guide the sheep in the right though more difficult way?

So it’s time to get moving. I do need to work on the other blog where I can talk, teach, and even preach on these things.
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Seems like there is no getting around it. The cheapest price I find for the thermostat is $83.00. Will run up to Restore today to check out what they have.
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I wonder

6/11/07 Monday
It’s 11:30. I just came in to take a break from the heat and add to this journal. In my mind I had already posted an entry for today and even thought I knew what I wrote. Opening the laptop I see it is not turned on and then remember turning it off last night. So it is another moment of confusion like so many others.

We got up at 4:30 this morning and were out the door by 6:00. Cherie was able to catch the one farmer she had agreed to meet with by phone. We got close to where he would be and Cherie called him on the cell phone. He asked where we were and came out to meet us. Cherie went through the interview on the highway. I had pulled off the road for Cherie to call but the farmer just pulled up and parked his truck in the middle of the highway, getting out to go through this stuff on the hood of our truck. That’s West Texas country. Yesterday we were going down a two lane highway when we saw the SUV that had passed us earlier stopped and having a conversation with another truck that had been traveling the other direction. They were both in their respective lanes, just pulled up close with their windows rolled down and discussing the weather or whatever, not at all concerned they were blocking both lanes of traffic. Course there was no traffic and when they saw us coming up they started moving. It’s a relaxed world out here.

So Cherie was able to see another farmer but the third was not to be found. All in all it was a good day. I went out to check on the well, battening everything down. Was just making tomato cages before I came in. The last time I think I made them too small and this time they may be to large. Perhaps next time they will be just right. Kind of like the fable of the three bears.

I’ve got a splitting headache so took two aspirin. The Hydrocodone doesn’t touch headaches, just muscle and joint pain, so aspirin is the best medicine. The first church of Stanton has been plaguing my thoughts for days now as I wonder what happened there, wonder what they think or say about me, wonder why, wonder where their Jesus is in all this, wonder about what happened with their plans to come out and help with things, wonder why nothing happened, wonder why no one has visited or talked, just wonder.

I am tired and should take a nap.
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Never took the nap. Joe called and said he would be here by two and he was. I went out and worked on garden stuff. Mostly made more tomato cages and put them around the plants that have survived. Then I wrapped plastic around them to provide some wind protection. I am in the middle of a slow down so came in. will post this and probably zone out.

Nice storm, Nice storm, Be good

6/10/07 Sunday
I’m pretty thick headed this morning. No, that doesn’t mean stubborn, in my case it is a physical description of how the head feels though I have been known to be stubborn. I am running a five on the bob scale but that should improve as I get moving. Took the puppies out for their morning duties just in time. No sooner were they done when it started raining in earnest.

Cherie has lots of work that must be finished for her boss to pick up tomorrow so won’t make to church this morning. I’m going to try my best to get there but won’t unless I am sharper. I don’t do as well when Cherie is not with me because her presence supplies a security that reduces the stress which is a big factor in the slow downs.

It’s storming pretty good now with lightening striking pretty close. This keys open the memory that I had uncovered the well to examine it when the power went out but forgot to go cover it back up as I had intended. Now I suspect the plastic 55 gallon drum cut to fit over it will be gone, blown across the fields to end up who knows where.

I’ve cleared up so must rush to get ready for church.
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Well I never did go check the well. This is unfortunately not unusual with me. Despite writing about it and having every intention to do so on top of it being a very important thing to do in order to protect the $3,000 dollars worth of well, I forgot. That’s one of the reasons they have me on disability. I had Cherie write a big note and tape it on her computer screen to remind me to get this done. It is next to the other notes to remind me of what I need to do like clean the cat litter.

Church was great. It’s too bad Cherie had to work and couldn’t make it cause they had a special presentation with an artist that she would have loved. Sunday school was good also. I was amazed when one of the ladies remembered that my birthday was June 8. There were many who asked about Cherie and made it clear how happy they were I had come back. Eric’s wife said hello and had to tell me her name again. It is unfortunate that I don’t recognize faces well but that’s just part of the TBI. Even Eric’s face didn’t click in my mind with any speed despite my seeing him several times but it’s getting better. If I saw him walking in a store I wouldn’t really notice but I was looking for him in the Sunday school class.

I ran Cherie to see a farmer whom we had missed the other day. Cherie had talked to his wife who happened to know Janie. The farmer called around five or six to let her know it was a good time to come up so we hopped in the truck and scooted on up there. Tomorrow we will be getting up at 4:30 so we can make a forty five minute drive to meet three more farmers. That will be the last of them and Joe will come by to pick up the paperwork later in the day. This will be the end of the survey.

Bugs are getting pretty bad now. With all the bad windows and damaged screens there is little to keep them out. Plus with all the rain the population is way up there. We are keeping lights on only when absolutely needed as they attract the flying pests at night. I don’t know what these small little wasps are but one stung Cherie yesterday. She felt something on her neck and went to swat it.

I went online and learned how to make a soap insecticide. Nothing too it. A tablespoon of dish soap in a cup of cooking oil. You put three tablespoons of that into a quart of water. There was a pump up sprayer I found tucked in a corner of the garage that still works so used it to spray this mix on the corn. Good thing it was out of sight or it would have gotten stolen along with everything else “Friends and relatives” helped themselves to. Virginia kept telling me “There was nothing of value” in the house as if it was ok to take what wasn’t worth much. Bullshit. I don’t care if they stole garbage. It didn’t belong to them and when you take something that doesn’t belong to you, you are a thief no matter how you dress it up.

There is a deep anger there that I don’t need to awaken so I think I’ll just say “Night all”

Off and running

6/9/07 Saturday
We are off and running but not running as we thought. Cherie’s boss, Joe, came by and worked with her yesterday. They spent allot of time going through how to do paperwork and other details of the job. Cherie’s problem is that her personality makes it hard for her to do anything that she thinks inconveniences them. This comes from a lifetime of being scolded and made to feel guilty for every little thing. I talked to Joe for a bit and he let Cherie know that it would be OK for me to travel with her. I have been offering to do this for sometime figuring my presence will strengthen her confidence. I also talked to Joe about the possibility of me working for NASDA. I think I can handle the cotton surveys they do every year. It only takes a week at the end of every month and I can work it around the slowdowns. Besides I will be working by myself. Being around others has been the problem in the past but I think I have improved in that area though it is hard to tell in some circles. I get along great with Janie, Eric, and the gang but seem to have not done well at the first church of Stanton. That whole situation still puzzles me.

So I drove Cherie to a couple of places yesterday evening and that went well. I would sit in the truck while Cherie went to the door. She only got to see one of them. Seems the woman knows Janie. “She’s a firecracker” was her description of the Janie she knew years ago.

I am working on teaching Cherie some of the discipline needed to work this job, which is basically like being self employed. All her other jobs had a time clock and schedule. It is hard to transition to a job where you don’t have that and must be a “Self starter”. I had to learn all the tools necessary to do this starting with being an industrial sales rep and then having a series of sales jobs. Then, with Westbrook Marketing, I taught sales people and organizations these things. It is hard with Cherie as there are so many things around she can find to do thus not getting to the tasks needed for this job.

So we were going to get out the door at 7:00 for an appointment she had but she wasn’t ready on time and when she called it was too late. All the farmers are under the gun as Monday is D-day so to speak. Everything needs to be planted by then in order to meet government requirements for insurances so all of them are pushing hard from dawn to after dusk. Makes it hard to find time to talk with them.

She rescheduled with the guy so there are no other folks to go see today. I had Cherie write a schedule of what needs to be done and told her to pretend she is punching a clock at the job. Bending over I said “Bump the top of my head. That’s you punching the time clock. YOU’RE WORKING NOW”. I told her to schedule her breaks and to not allow herself to do other things while “on the clock”. She is even going to schedule doing things like paying bills and going shopping as well.

I got an E mail from Jimmy Patterson yesterday. I haven’t replied to it yet as I wanted to process things a bit. First I need to do a search of my E mail and the journal to refresh my memory about him. He has a blog or three and I am pretty sure I E mailed him from Toledo regarding us moving here. I’ll go check my memory now on it.

Yep, I E mailed him March 4 2006. Here is a copy of that post;

Jimmy Patterson, the guy in Texas I E-mailed this morning already responded. I think he will be a great asset for us as he already told me where God vacations and God lives down there. That kind of insider information you just can’t get anywhere. (Now I hope that wasn’t offensive to anyone. It was just a tongue in cheek expression he used regarding some great places to visit)

This journal makes for a great memory. So Jimmy was wondering if I would like to be interviewed for his blog. I need to look up which one that is. He told me in his E mail but of course I don’t remember as usual. That’s why I like things that are in writing. I’m gonna say yes. That doesn’t necessarily mean he will as things can come up that take precedence but the likelihood is high I feel. It wasn’t long ago that I said we have reached another pivotal moment in our lives and since then doors are opening and things are happening at a pace that seems rapid to me. A few years ago in this journal I remarked that I felt like a spectator watching as things unfold as if following a script written by that unseen hand that seems to be orchestrating things. I no longer feel like a spectator but a participant. As I said then I watch with fascination for what will happen next. Watch with me y’all. I bet it’s gonna be something else.

Time to get moving. We are heading in to Midland to get some needed items as scheduled by Cherie. Love the schedule thing.

Midland turned out to be a great time of fellowship but I’ll tell of that in a bit, first to one of the joys of country living. Actually it’s nothing different than what happens in the city except it happened out here so I can blame it on being out in the country. Gotta blame something.

So I get up from one of the sleeps I must have after a slow down and decide to go out and water the crops. The corn has been displaying some problems with top leaves drying up and dying so I get into it, pulling the leaves back and looking at their roots. Find several kinds of bugs and a few hoards of aphids. This organic farming makes bug control much harder, especially when I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’ve read all kinds of things to do but don’t remember them and many require buying stuff we can’t afford. I need to go back to research it and this time take notes on this laptop so I can pull them up when needed. One thing I’ve read involves spraying a soap mixture of some type. I did start using mineral oil yesterday but am unsure how much to put on.

So I have the hose out watering the beds recently seeded. It is critical to keep them damp as the seeds germinate. As I do so the water pressure slowly dwindles down to nothing. “Nuts” I think and trace the hose down to see if there is a kink somewhere. No kink so I go into the house and turn on the kitchen faucet. No water. “Nuts” graduates to “Damn”. Thoughts race through my head as I wonder if the well was shot out again or what and grabbing the keys I jump in the truck and race the half mile back to the well. There are no bullet holes, no pressure on the gauge, and pressing the reset button gets no response. Now I am pissed.

I get my cell phone out and call Leroy’s number that is listed on the well. It is hard to hear him through the static so after repeating myself he understands the well isn’t working and I am not happy. Leroy is in San Angelo at some kind of shindig he goes to once a year with several hundred people so says he won’t be able to look at it till maybe Sunday night. He invites me to attend this affair next year, which doesn’t mean a whole lot at the moment, and we end the conversation.

I go back into the house and discover that there is no power. Going outside I see that not a single one of the many oil wells we can see from the house is pumping so this is an area wide problem. I call Leroy back right away to let him know that this was the problem and not to worry about it. I’m going to be talking to him anyway about his charging me more for the smaller tank he put in but that will wait.

Well the power just came on as I was writing this so it was much to do about not much but I seem to be good at that.
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Back to Midland. We were in Lowe’s getting the fitting for the plastic line to the evaporative air unit when my phone rang. It was Janie. “Whatchyadoin” I heard and struggled to figure out who it was but it didn’t take long as I rarely get any calls except from her lately with their recent involvement with us. I told her we were in Lowe’s and she said she had just read we were coming on the blog so asked if we would like to meet someplace. I joked and said we could use a steak dinner and Cherie punched me in the ribs. Sometimes my jokes don’t fit right and come off wrong. I suppose this was one of those times. Cherie said I sounded like a mooch.

Anyway we are happy to meet Janie anywhere and time so let her know that. Janie says “Do you want to meet at Jorge’s (Not sure I spelled it right) or Buffalo Wings”. I’ve never been to either and don’t like making decisions so I put it in her lap “You decide”. We went around that circle a couple of times till she finally said “Jorge’s” and gave us directions on how to get there.

We find the place with no problem and get a table. Just as we were about to order Steve called Janie and decided to meet us here. Cool, that works. It didn’t take long for Steve to get there so we ordered lunch. Steve asked how I was doing on the bob scale and I let him know I was sharp and had been all day. I recounted some stories connected to my checkered past. One of them had to do with a small town in Alabama where they would set up chairs in the bank after hours to hold court. The judge sat behind the bank tellers counter.

As we talked I started having a hard time following what Steve was saying and everyone’s words kind of became a blur. I got quiet and Cherie, astute as always, asked if I was alright. I let her know I was having a slowdown. It progressed to the point I told Cherie she would have to drive. We let Steve and Janie know what was going on and they were familiar with it from reading this blog. With it came one of the bad headaches that can be debilitating. Steve had to go take care of some business so excused himself. Patting me on the shoulder he told me to take care and left.

Janie was concerned as you would imagine and offered to let me sleep on her couch or anything else she could think of to help. She asked if all the noise and commotion of the restaurant was causing the slow down. I told her that I didn’t know and these come without any reason you can pinpoint. I was about done for so we decided to call it a day. Janie had a dog cage she wanted to give us so we dropped by their house. There is some neat furniture they have picked up. She introduced Zack, their bird dog, to us. I’ve never been around a bird dog before and was amazed at Zack’s energy and speed. This guy practically climbs trees, running up the side of a trunk to about ten feet high and pushing off in almost a summersault to land on his feet.

By the way, I cleared up as Cherie followed Janie to her house. The headache was still growing in intensity and I was exhausted as I always am after a partial seizure. So Janie is one of the few who has seen the whole cycle of my being sharp to slowing down where my speech is affected, and then clearing up some. I suppose that is a dubious distinction and don’t know why I brought it up. I am tired despite sleeping a couple of hours when we got home but that’s not unusual. Night all.

Cognition

cog•ni•tion (k g-n sh n)
n. The mental faculty of knowing, which includes perceiving, recognizing, conceiving, judging, reasoning, and imagining
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary

This is one of those words that can be hard to grasp. Cognitive difficulties is at the head of the list for issues with traumatic brain injuries so what really does that mean in day to day life? I can’t answer that for anyone but me for the word covers as wide an area as the word “everything”. When Eric and I were talking the other day we touched on this when I think I made the statement that if I was a drooling vegetable people would recognize I had a brain injury. Eric said “you seem normal to me” I think to support what I was saying. Fact is I do seem normal and that throws some people off.

What brought this up was a problem I just had while watering the corn. It is great to have the hose now be able to reach beyond the corn patch as a result of the extra hose Jib and Jab brought to put in the air conditioner. So as I water I pull weeds, being careful with where the water is spraying as I kneel to do so. I was careful to thread the hose down the path because I have accidentally mowed over plants with it in the past. Not once but several times. Then as I water I see more weeds and, forgetting, I pulled the hose across six or eight young corn plants as I head for the new weeds. OH Was I Pissed at myself. I cussed myself out in no uncertain terms for repeating this mistake I have made before. This mistake I was conscious of making and determined not to do again. So I carefully threaded the hose again so as to reach this spot and get the weeds in addition to watering a different area. And I did it again. This is the part of cognition where you are aware of what is going on around you. I repeatedly step on young plants because, as I focus on something, I am unaware of where my foot is going. With the hose all it takes is for my mind to see some weeds for it to forget about the hose in my hand.

One of the things Eric and I talked about is how everyone does stuff like this. We all have gone into a room and forgot what we came in for. The difference is I go through it steadily all day long and despite being aware of needing to be careful still repeat the same mistake. So this is an illustration of one aspect of cognitive difficulties.

My computer just hiccupped. I had to restore it to June 4 in order to get it to go online as somehow half of the programming to use my PC card disappeared. It should work now. I lost much of what I wrote previously on cognitive difficulties. Don’t feel up to trying to do it all again.

Start with a sting

6/8/07 Friday
No sense starting my birthday out without a little bang. Our routine in the morning is to get the puppies outside the minute we open the door to the front porch, what we now call the “puppy room”. There I run with them and congratulate every expellation of bodily waste with the enthusiasm of a sports fan when his team makes a miraculous touchdown. “Oh yeah!!! GOOD JOB!!!”. I run and they scamper after me, turning summersaults each time they misstep. My aim is to get them exercise but the reality is I get short of breath and they wonder why I stopped. But it is such fun.

I sat down on the steps as they continued, with enthusiasm, to investigate and get into everything on the veranda. Trixie goes for the food bowl and I can hear her scooting it over the bricks as I watch Rascal play. Then I hear a loud Yelp Yelp from Trixie and turn to see what happened. It was loud enough and of such a different tone that Cherie, the consummate mom, came running out saying “What’s wrong”. Trixie hobbles to me with her front paw raised. I figured she got into another sticker so pick her up and look. When I didn’t see anything but she continued her cry’s I looked at the food bowl and saw a scorpion with it’s tail curled to sting. “That’s what happened” it dawned on me.

Now it’s panic time for mom. “What do we do?” she anxiously asks and I really don’t have an answer. For us adults we just take the stinging pain till it goes away but for puppies it’s an area I am clueless about. “Go online and see” I told her as we brought the whimpering puppy in. I comforted Trixie as Cherie brought her laptop in and typed “scorpion sting puppy” into Google. The site she first looked at was not encouraging as it described the potential death of a puppy from a scorpions venom. Trixie was settling down, crawling under a pillow to feign sleep and Cherie was unsettling. I too was worried after reading this online account. We called the vet and left a message on her machine as it was just barely 7:00. Dr. Law called back in about three minutes and reassured Cherie that things should be just fine unless there was a rare strong allergic reaction. “Just relax” she said “This is just the start. They’re going to be getting lots of stings as they grow up”. We are both much more at ease now.

Carman kitty came up on the bed while the puppies were zoned. This is the first time he has approached them and sniffing the air with trepidation he inched closer. Cherie, fearing he would attack, put her arm around him and told him reassuringly “That’s alright. They’re puppies. They won’t hurt you”. It didn’t take long for Carmen to decide he had gotten close enough to these invaders of his domain so he took off to places he didn’t have to see or hear these guys.

So that’s the start of the day. There is a cold front in so I want to go out and continue putting mulch around the plants in the garden. Unfortunately I am suddenly getting the can’t keep my eyes open tired that is sometimes the onset of a partial seizure or the mental fatigue issue that plagues me. I pushed hard last night, mulching till after dark when I could no longer see what I was doing. Kinda afraid to go look at what I did now that it’s daylight. The beans I planted are springing up aggressively. Caterpillars are quickly discovering these delicious morsels so it’s time to spread more of the sulfur around the borders to reduce this incursion.

Time to get moving, thus fighting the tiredness that is trying to seduce me back to bed.

Got up early

6/7/07 Thursday
It’s 2:00 already. Got up early and fixed breakfast for Cherie. When we were in Toledo I was pretty much the house husband and did the cooking and cleaning. I kinda miss doing that. Anyway, Cherie is working this job so I thought I would fix a nice breakfast to help her get moving. I did the grocery shopping yesterday when I was in Midland and picked up the DVD’s from Eric. I picked up some of the biscuits in a can you can bake and fixins for making omelets.

It was good as I am a fair cook. Fact is I taught Cherie much of what she knows when it comes to cooking. I always cook too much as I was used to cooking for the other wife and her two growing kids. So Cherie was stuffed.

I’ve been out working on the garden all day. Planted the flowers Cherie wanted in the front beds and started whittling down the ends of garden hoses. In order to put in the drip feed irrigation I picked up a variety of old garden hose at the landfill. Most of them are too big to fit in the connectors but one size seemed to be just right but a little loose. I put silicone caulk on them with the hope that would seal everything up. Nope. Despite carefully keeping the water turned low one of the hoses blew out of the connector yesterday. Thus I watered the path between rows for a couple of hours till I went back there to turn the system off. So what I am doing is taking my razor knife and carefully removing about a sixteenth of an inch of material off the end of the bigger hoses in order to create a tight fit.

We couldn’t go online this morning. No matter what we tried the PC aircard would show a message saying the password was invalid. I tried calling Alltel’s customer service for an hour or two without getting through so I finally called the office we bought the aircard at. Still got the “If you’re calling for ------ press 3” and ended up back on the “All our representatives are busy now. Please wait and your call will be answered whenever someone feels like it” hold. This was an improvement on the other calls I made for with them it was just silence. This time I got to listen to something called music. I think that’s what it’s called but I am sure there are other names for it. I put the phone on speaker and went back to doing something constructive.

Someone came on the line fortunately just before I was going to hit the bathroom. Otherwise I would be angrily throwing toilette paper rolls out the bathroom door at the phone. It seems that Alltel’s internet system had gone down on a national level so it’s no wonder getting a hold of customer service was so hard. It was comforting to know that in a way cause my mind was conjuring up ideas that someone had hacked in our account and changed the passwords or equally ridiculous scenarios. It was cleared up about an hour later so we’re good to go now.

I came in when Cherie came out to tell me she had fixed lunch. It is great to come into a house that is nice and cool. It is great to have friends who are people of compassion, who are friends in deed not just in words. I know it might get a little…there’s a word for it but I can’t think of it now but basically you might get tired of hearing me talk about this all the time. I really don’t care cause I write what’s on my heart and right now I am feeling pretty grateful.

I’m gonna get this posted and get back to work outside. Kind of tired as I usually am at this time of day but I didn’t water the squash last night and saw it is hurting pretty bad from the lack of water. I need to start getting the mulch I bought around the plants as that will go a long way in preserving the water and keeping the soil temperature down.
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I worked hard today. Slowed down a lot since 6:00. We went to Sonic for the free root beer float special they had tonight. Cherie had to drive cause I wasn’t up to it. That’s all I’m going to write. Slowdowns drain me so time to sleep.

Been busy

6/6/07 Wednesday
Been busy all day and Cherie has as well. Highlight of the day for me was stopping by Eric’s to pick up the DVD’s he made of the two VCR tapes I had. One was a news story on one of my companies in 1992 and the other is the Toledo’s John Doe story ABC did on me when I had amnesia. It is the one Cherie saw that brought us back together. I want to figure out how to put them on the blog.

We talked for an hour or so about a little of this and a little of that. It’s good to talk and always helps me sort things out.

What else? I’m sure lots of things but not much comes to mind. I made tomato cages out of the wire fencing I scavenged at the landfill. I am still paying the price for loading all that stuff on the truck and probably will for a few days. If it wasn’t for the pain meds I wouldn’t have been able to do much of anything. Took one so I will be able to go to sleep tonight.

Maybe I’ll remember more of today tomorrow. Don’t know. Here’s a picture of the puppies and tonight’s sunset.

Groggy morning but I'll have a good day cause I said so

6/5/07 Tuesday
It is another groggy morning like yesterday was. I told Cherie that it is like I am on drugs from a physical standpoint. Or perhaps a small hangover. Perhaps I had a partial seizure during the night. It is curious how different areas are affected, sometimes it is my mental agility, sometimes it is control of the right side of my body, and this morning it is things like my balance along with the pressure in my head. If I closed my eyes I would fall over. The brain is operating at it’s average of a seven on the bob scale.

I will run to Lowe’s this morning to find what I need to run the water line under the house to the air conditioner. After that I’ll stop at Walfart to get some mineral oil to use on the corn and a couple more items Cherie has on her list. I’ll see if I can pick up her medication at the pharmacy but am not sure if I can. It would save her a trip up there. I also need a belt as the one I picked up at a thrift shop in Toledo is worn out. I’ve lost so much weight and gut since we moved to this farm that I added three holes to cinch it up tight. It’s loose again.

That’s it for now. The puppies are springing forward at an amazing rate and getting more adventurous and confident along with moving faster. It won’t be long till keeping up will be a challenge.

It’s 9:30 and the end of my day. Let’s see if I can recount the day. I can’t remember if Cherie went to work or not this morning but I did make it to Midland where my first stop was Walfart to get Cherie’s prescription. That was not the problem Cherie thought it would be. I just told them her name and they looked on the computer and went to a shelf where it was packed and waiting. I’ve been needing a belt and remembered I planed on getting one here so went and picked one out.

Cherie made a list of things for me to get while I was out but there were only two things on it and one of them could only be gotten at the HEB grocery store. That is an organic soda pop she had tried at one of those sample stands stores put up. It was great so she brought three flavors home for me to try. Good stuff and the flavors are so intense I poured it in a glass of tea half and half and that worked well. Kind of a flavored tea with a fizz. The other thing on the list was mineral oil that Phelan over at Homesteading Neophyte suggested to keep the worms out of my corn so I figured I’d get both at HEB.

Never did make it there. I stopped by the Habitat for Humanity’s Restore on the way to Lowe’s as it is near Walmart. Wanted to check on the cabinetry doors they have. They are marked twenty bucks apiece but can be had for five dollars now. Cool. They have plenty of choices including some that are a light natural finish and unfinished as well. I need to measure the doors on our cabinets.

From there I headed to Lowe’s where I intended to get the ferrule needed for the water hose going to the air conditioner. Walking in the door I decided check out the garden section to see what they did with the bags of soil and stuff that had broken open. The broken bags I was getting at Aldredge are no longer available. I suspect that the kid who said I could take them made a mistake. So I found an employee and asked what they did with them. “We sell them” he said and took me over to a couple of pallets and asking what I wanted. There was all kinds of stuff. Manure, mulch, top soil, and some stuff that killed grubs and other bugs. I told D.B. (the name on his tag) that I would take everything except what had poison in it if he gave me a good price. DB was a nice guy and I had developed a rapport with him, telling him I was on disability and grew food to eat and perhaps sell to stretch my check, so he started digging up all kinds of damaged bags and said “You can have it all for $25.00”. Deal.

They had to call a manager and dig up all the product numbers to get it done. I have to remember to bring some corn and melons to DB if and when they come due. He worked hard to get this together for me. It took fifteen minutes at the cash register because the computer had a hard time accepting a twenty five dollar price for $102.00 worth of product. Yeah, you heard it right. It was a good deal and all stuff we can use. There was maybe ten bags of mulch which is the one thing I really needed. I’ve been scratching up the dried up tumbleweed sticks to use up till now. Mulch makes a tremendous difference here in the desert as it helps keep the moisture from getting sucked out of the soil by the West Texas sun and dry wind.

After all this time and the work the guys did to put this together I decided to load it myself. They had used a forklift to take it out to the side of the store. I should have asked for help instead of being a macho man. Hurt myself just a little. Big back pain and holding a spoon to eat the ice cream sundae we had a couple of hours ago hurt pretty good as well. I got everything except the mulch (which is pretty light) unloaded by sliding the bags to the edge of the truck and slicing them open so the dirt, manure, top soil, and whatever else spilled into the wheel barrow. Then I could truck it to wherever it was going with greater ease than carrying the bags. Besides I am mixing most of it together to make a garden cocktail of sorts.

Cherie’s boss, Joe, came over to teach her some things she needs for the job. Joe’s a neat ole guy with a dry sense of humor I enjoy. He would come outside occasionally to smoke a cigarette and invariably I would be taking one of the many breaks I needed while unloading the truck. Come to find out he has a good friend who received a traumatic brain injury when she went through the windshield of a car. He does much to care for her and she has many partial seizures like I do. Sounds like she has them more often. This came up when I mentioned how nicotine triggered seizures in me. He has noticed that hers reduce when she goes to the hospital for regular tests or something that take a week or two. That could well be from her smoking less at these times. It would be cool if this tidbit of information can help her.

I know there were some other things I wanted to write but I am tired and it is late, besides that I can’t remember. So night all.

Well I looked at the pictures I took today and see the ones of our wild sunflowers. There are two types that just showed up. One has much larger leaves and flowers than the other. It will be interesting to see how the seeds are. As I hoe down weeds I am careful to leave these plants alone. Yeah, they’re a weed too but I like them. Besides they grow without any help so when I plant the seeds I plan on gathering it will look like I am a fantastic gardener.


The other thing that came to my mind, one I had wanted to write about, is that as I drove away from Restore I noticed an antique drill press setting out in an industrial yard. I turned around to check it out as I could always use one and the old stuff is tough and not hard for me to recondition. A young man saw me and came to the fence. He let me know that none of the stuff in the yard was for sale that he knew of. He asked me about my hat that said “Mission Toledo”. I explained that it was a ministry I taught bible study at but soon discovered the founder was a professional con man who traveled the country starting these things up. Jim Watson is his name and you can do a search in this blog to learn about this shyster. Caused a lot of harm and messed up some lives in Toledo.


Come to find out the kid was in Teen Challenge. He brought it up questioningly when I talked about how Jim would take drug addicts and others off the streets and get jobs for them to work from the churches he approached for funds. Jim would keep the money they earned. “I’m kind of one of those guys” this kid said after I reassured him that Teen Challenge was a great organization that I had worked with in the past. We talked and shared through the chain link fence for a while. I told him of my past and how I had fallen back to old ways. At the end of our conversation I said “It’s not an accident we met”. It surprised me to hear this come out of my mouth. I have so many problems with the hokey stuff I hear out of the mouths of some who wear the label of “Christian” and consider it superstitious crap. That’s not all of them mind you but there are many who “spiritualize” everything. You’ve got folks like Pat Robertson who say “God told me” this and that. In his case the predictions, or prophesies as he calls them, don’t happen so either God is a liar or he is. So here I am with these doubts finding this statement coming out of my mouth. Where did it come from?

So we’ll try the good night thing again. Good night all.

Hope you like to read

6/4/07 Monday
It wasn’t too long ago I wrote a post about us reaching a pivotal moment in our lives. I think a better description is we are turning a corner, getting off a bumpy dirt country lane onto a nice paved road. Yesterday morning I had a lot going on in this crowded empty mind and vented a little. By the time we reached the end of the day I was done for and, hitting the bed I disappeared into the oblivion of a deep sleep. Waking up was a slow process as I heard the dim sounds of Cherie doing things around the kitchen as if off in the distance. The sounds drew closer as I became more aware that I was not sleeping. Then I heard Cherie getting the puppies. I could tell she had picked one up as she baby talked “OOOh! Your so cute! Yes you are!” interspersed with gleeful laughs when puppy licked her face and did what happy puppies do.

We are starting to let them scamper behind us on the journey from the front porch, where they are kept at night, to the kitchen door, where they go outside to do their morning duties. Before we carried them as they didn’t move well enough or follow us. So Cherie led them into the bedroom as I hoped she would and put them on the bed where they could attack me with their joy over discovering I was there. As before they both thought my ear lobes were tits. Nothing like wet slurping nips right in the ears to finish the job of waking me up. I liked it and loved them back.

So we are turning a corner. Life is good. It always has been but sometimes it’s hard to see with all the hard things happening all around. But now we have puppies!!!! Actually the puppies are only a small part of the blessings we suddenly find ourselves enjoying. That brings me to yesterday. This will take a bit for me to get recorded as I am fighting a headache and slight slowdown. It is 12:20.

Trixie can fall asleep anywhere. Even up upright against the wall

After I got done spouting off on the blog I went out and started chopping weeds. I’m sure I did some other stuff but that’s what I remember. Janie or Steve had called to see what would be a good time for them to come over and install the evaporative air unit they had picked up for us.

I just looked at yesterday’s post and see I covered this. Steve 1, Steve 2, Janie, and Cindy (Steve 2’s wife) got here right at 2:00 as planned. Now, I need to make things a bit easier regarding distinguishing between the two Steve’s. These guys are like brothers. They have known each other for years and have similar backgrounds so the term “Two peas in a pod” could well apply. In her conversations with Cherie, Cindy referred to them as “Frick and Frack”. I think I’ll call them Jib and Jab cause these two love verbally sparring and teasing each other. Jib will be Steve 1, Janie’s husband, and Jab is now the honorable title I bestow on Steve 2.

You know, their coming over to install the air unit that they are giving us is great and as I write this I am enjoying the first cooled air we have had in this house. But what we enjoyed the most was the camaraderie and fellowship.

For Cherie it was a time where she sat and talked with Cindy and Janie for the hour or three they were here. Every time I went passed I heard nonstop conversation with Cherie sharing stories of her life, job, and experiences we have had since we got here. Plus Janie and Cindy were sharing as well and there was much laughter and joking. This was a blessing for me to see for I know how lonely it has been for Cherie and how much she needed this. Why the women of the Stanton church couldn’t do this I don’t understand. Cherie will be meeting Karla in a few days so one person has reached out.

For me it was great to be around the guys. I don’t get comfortable easily but with time and familiarity can become secure enough to… fit in I guess is the way to say it. But I enjoyed watching and listening to Jib and Jab, jib and jab, watching the friendship and camaraderie.

I ran around trying to help where I could, fetching tools and holding things up. Steve (Jib) asked me what I thought of how he was planning to do something and I told him that he knew more than I did about that kind of stuff so “Do it however you think”. Steve gave me a reproving look and basically said that I wasn’t ignorant of this kind of stuff. There are lots of things I used to be able to do but most things I have had to learn all over again because of the memory loss. Besides that I have confidently proceeded with a concept to learn it wasn’t a good idea after all so I suppose I don’t have a lot of confidence in my opinion and would rather rely on another’s.

There was a time that Steve thought I was upset or angry because of the expression on my face so he questioned me about it. “I can tell you’re not happy about something I’m doing” was the way he put it, or something like that. This illustrates one of the issues that comes with a brain injury. It’s an area I will cover if I ever get to finishing the paper on TBI.

There are an estimated 100 billion neurons in the brain. With a TBI the brain is bounced around and shook up like a bowl of Jello causing millions of little tears in these connecting circuits. One of the big areas hit with a TBI is social skills. This is much more complex than just getting along and being friendly. Our brains rely on an incredible array of signals in order to interact with one another. It’s much more than what you say or how you say it. Our brains observe and interpret things we are not even aware of on a subconscious level. We have all heard of “Body Language” and indeed recognize and understand much of this. Police are trained to watch for some of these signals that indicate someone is being deceitful. I used to train sales forces how to “read” their prospective client as well as how to be aware of their own body language and use it to enhance trust and help make a sale.

But we detect much more than that. There are so many subtleties that our brains take note of, interpret, and then send a message up to the conscious sector. That is why we feel comfortable or uncomfortable with someone we just meet, we trust them or we don’t. “There’s just something about that guy” is a statement you might hear. Well, there is just something about me that is unsettling. In Toledo I was told by a pastor that I was arrogant. He based this on how I stood in the foyer. A lady recently was terribly unsettled by me. She was serving me at a counter in a business and as she walked past serving others kept asking “What are you thinking? What’s wrong?”. I asked her a few questions to understand what I was doing to cause this reaction. She finally said it was the smirk on my face that bothered her, like I knew something about her. Now I am sure she had her own emotional issues but there was something, some signals my face and body were sending out that set this off.

You see there is more than just the brain’s ability to recognize and interpret the signals others put out. There is a complex system in our brains that correlate a myriad of thoughts, instincts, and desires to send out signals as well. So a person with TBI not only has difficulties understanding and interpreting other’s signals but often, because of damage, present signals that do not correlate at all with what is truly inside. This makes things very difficult. The Bible precept of “Judge not” becomes a truth desperately needed for those with TBI for the signals we all use to make these initial judgments are terribly skewed with us. For some it is much more than others. That is always the difficulty because the incredibly complex ability of the brain to synchronize and balance every facet of behavior is always effected differently depending on where and how severe the damage to the brain is. Here is an excerpt from one of the papers I have studied while learning about my injury that illustrates a small aspect of this.

What to Expect after TBI
By Tom Novack, PhD
Presented at the Recovery after TBI Conference, Sept, 1999

Lack of emotional response is demonstrated by a lack of initiative and a flattened affect. The individual does not smile or show any emotional response to things going on in the environment. An example is an adult with TBI who was told by his mother that he cannot drive anymore. His reaction was to put his keys on the dresser and walk out without exhibiting any reaction or emotional response. Most adults would react differently. The emotional response is just not there.

Oh yeah, I was talking about yesterday. Got sidetracked. Ummm that’s a brain injury issue also but I best stay on track or I’ll never finish this post.

So Jib thought I was upset but fact is I was and am about as happy as can be. If anything else he over engineers a job. But he’s an engineer so I suppose that’s appropriate. These guys rock and it was fun working with them as they jibed and jabbed about anything they could find.

Again I must take note of how things seem to come together as if there is an unseen hand orchestrating events. When Steves Jib and Jab went to Lowe’s to investigate getting the evaporative cooler Jib said he was surprised to find it cost about $400. As they looked and pondered the store clerk came up to help. Seeing their interest and dismay over the price he volunteers that there was one that had been damaged and could be bought for a reduced price. I can’t remember if it was the exact one they were looking at or another but J & J presumed it might be fifty bucks or so off the price. No, the price was fifty bucks out the door. WOW! What a coincidence or perhaps one should say “Godcidence”. If this kind of stuff keeps happening I’m gonna hafta start believing. I don’t know and I’m sure I’m a bit thick headed but things like this have been happening ever since I woke up from the coma. Still seeking, still want to know, still have doubts, but things like this and people like Steve, Janie, and gang are chipping away at them. Others who don’t practice what they preach don’t help but just confirm the depravity of man. The corruptions of greed, ambition, lust, jealousy, and all the rest exist whether there is a God or not but in a way confirm there is. The juxtaposition of good and evil is the classic battle of all humanity.

So we are blessed with friends who are true and live their beliefs. We are blessed and thankful. Fact is I am impressed and see them as an example of how to live a life. No I don’t put them or anyone else on a pedestal and I am sure they are a bit embarrassed by me saying this but if I can leave a mark in my life as they then there will be no shame. Thanks guys. God will reward.

Alright, enough of that stuff. The whole gang had other things that they had put off to do this so had to leave. Cherie and I decided that we could afford to splurge a little so we went to Cheddar’s, the restaurant Steve and Janie took us to, and had a nice dinner. After that we drove the two blocks to the movie theatre and saw Pirates. It was a good movie though I don’t think as good as the previous one. What amazed me wasn’t the movie but my first glimpse at a part of today’s youth culture. Going in I saw a kid (Anyone under 25 is a kid to me) who had is cell phone open. “I’m not going to sit near him” I thought “He’ll start yapping and I’ll have to tell him to shut up”.

So we sat towards the front where Cherie got a neck ache from looking up at the screen. Next thing we know there are about forty kids sitting in front and behind us and I’m seeing cell phones flipping open all over the place. “Man, this ain’t gonna be fun” I was thinking. I found it curious to see the bright screens of cell phones open but not hear anyone talking on the phone. Then my antique ass figured it out. They are text messaging. Duhh! Yeah I heard it was the thing and was amused at the TV commercial showing the interaction between a mom and her daughter using the new language that has evolved around this newest advance in teener evolution but this is the first I saw of it first hand. Yeah, my birthday is four days away. I’m not a fossil yet but sure getting there.


Today was a normal day. Not much to say other than I watered plants, got bottled water, poop scooped the cat litter and cleaned puppy poop. It’s been ninety degrees outside and around seventy five in. I’m happy.

The cool morning air.

6/3/07 Sunday
I was up till after 1:00 this morning. There was a great lightning storm that I tried to get a video of with the Kodak camera. I’ve never used the video feature on it before and was surprised to learn it also records sound. Unfortunately it isn’t sensitive enough to work when it was this dark. There were only a few dim flashes showing on the screen. That’s a shame cause it was a fantastic light show. I opened the living room window and both doors to try and get some of the cool night air in the house. Still wide awake I grabbed the bible and lesson book to study what they were going to teach in Sunday school.

Janie called this morning. Of course the cell phone was still in the pocket of my jeans which were crumpled up on the floor so it was a scramble to retrieve it before the voice mail kicked in. Janie had to be tired after the two day fundraising golf event she was responsible for or involved in. There were something like 530 golfers there. Steve didn’t get in till late last night after being gone on the job for a week. Despite that they want to come over with the other Steve to help install the evaporative cooler that Steve (the other Steve) had sitting in his garage. Running water to it will be the big problem.

Janie asked when we would be done at church in order to figure out when to get here. We weren’t sure having only been there once last week so 2:00 was set. Cherie has laundry and stuff she wants to get done and getting ready for church in time was going to be a race so we decided to skip church today. That will let me get some work done while it is still cool. We had a little bit of rain last night but it was just a sprinkle. Still will help the garden. Cherie is going to head into town to do the laundry. I think I will go wash my hair outside under the water hose. Took my alcohol stand up bath last night so am pretty clean except the hair.

I will either chop weeds or figure out what to plant on the three remaining rows I installed the drip feed irrigation on. I was having a hard time deciding that or anything else yesterday. It was a rough day with lots of anger boiling inside on top of depression. I am doing much better this morning and seem fairly sharp so making decisions should be easier.

I had thought that burying the drip feed hose was how it is supposed to be done but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I suppose I should have read the directions. The first hose I put in was just barely covered and the water seems to have spread over a wider area, reaching the spots I planted seeds two or three inches away. The other hoses are buried two to four inches in the ground and left these spots dry. So I will pull them out of the ground. Fortunately that not disturb the seeds I planted and will be easy to do.

Here’s an interesting side note. Seems that someone from Stanton was looking in the archives at my entries regarding the Cedar Creek church we had such a bad experience with in Toledo. With Mapstats I can tell what city, what time, how many pages, which pages, and a few other details. If I wanted to pay a few bucks I could see who it was that visited the blog but it isn’t that important to me. I just find it interesting that someone would research this, especially when no one has really reached out or made efforts to really get to know us. So they don’t talk with us but still look at some of our history. All of this is so puzzling, almost contradictory to not take the few moments to get to really know us yet read pages of specific information from the blog.

I must wonder about this, I wonder what they look for, what their motives are, and finally why not ask, why not just talk? Where is this “Love of Jesus” they speak so proudly of yet seem to practice in narrow directions of their choosing. Yes, there is a bitterness in me stemming from this sense of rejection from those I reached out to for fellowship. Others like Amy, Janie, and Steve are reaching out to us and are practicing the beliefs they espouse, thus honoring the God they serve. Again, it’s not the “Things” they give that are important, it is just being friends, just being there to talk to.

Pastor Dave used the word “Rhetoric” when referring to what I write in this journal. That is a word that has some almost contradictory definitions so I wonder how he was using it.

rhet•o•ric

noun Definition: 1. persuasive speech or writing: speech or writing that communicates its point persuasively

2. pretentious words: complex or elaborate language that only succeeds in sounding pretentious

3. empty talk: fine-sounding but insincere or empty language

4. skill with language: the ability to use language effectively, especially to persuade or influence people

5. study of writing or speaking effectively: the study of methods employed to write or speak effectively and persuasively

I suppose that if he considered what I wrote to be pretentious, empty, or insincere it would mean those words have little value and thus could or should be cast aside. If they were persuasive one would expect they would cause a change in the hearts of the readers, which would be evidenced by actions. I don’t know, I just know that what I write I write from the heart. It is what I feel. Sure, there is a great possibility that I am wrong but if I am come and tell me so I can understand and repent. But these are honest words from the standpoint of my perception.

So here is some “Rhetoric” that is true and I would hope persuasive. Not to make some feel bad but to open their eyes so they can be better.

Mathew 25:31 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' 41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' 45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' 46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

So I am offensive? I am unpleasant in what I think or say? I am sorry but…

Mathew 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Who am I to say this? Am I a preacher? I am a man who seeks God, I am a man with doubts and questions but these are not my words, they are true words, the words of Jesus and I can’t argue against them.

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23 Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' 24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." 28 When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29 because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.


Time to get moving and take care of the coolness of the morning air.

What did I plant?

This is the storm that rolled past us yesterday. Just missed us.

6/2/07 Saturday
Not sure of the rest of yesterday so it will remain a blank. I went out to the herb garden and see I planted five different beds. Unfortunately I didn’t write down what I planted or where so I had to go look at the empty seed packets, which fortunately I saved, to at least figure out the what. Looking at the locations I can guess with perhaps some accuracy cause I am sure the sage went up against the fence. I also believe the chives did too and the bed that does not have rows is most certainly them because of how they grow. Somewhere are the carrots and onions. I think the carrots are the first bed and the onions next. The third bed is currently a total mystery. I’ll have to wait and see what comes up. Still using the old seeds so there is a chance that nothing will. Wait, Here’s two more seed packets. They are both Greek oregano.

I bought fresh seeds when I was at Walmart so need to go out and look at them to see what it was I got. Can’t remember of course. I’ve got lots of planting to do. Don’t have a lot of energy this morning, really dragging. That may be a result of being out in the sun so much yesterday. I just remembered that I called Steve yesterday or the day before and set up Tuesday at 7:00 as the time to meet at his office and see if I can be of assistance showing him how to do E mails and stuff. Not sure if I can or not till I get there. His E mail is evidently through his companies site so probably isn’t Yahoo or something I am familiar with. I’ll do the best I can but was careful not to make any promises. He asked if the electrician who came over with them has come out and run the 220 lines for the stove and water heater yet. I let him know “not yet”.

Cherie brought the puppies in while I was still under the covers this time. Nothing like a puppy sucking and slurping on your ear lobe in search of milk to get you moving. Love these two guys and look forward to raising them. The biggest worry is the highway running in front of our house. They don’t venture far yet but will soon enough. There seems to be a problem with our post office box so we are heading there this morning. Six months ago they locked it up on us, saying we hadn’t paid the fee. It was an argument to convince them we paid for the whole year, not just six months, and they weren’t able to locate a record on us. Cherie looked up the receipt and brought it in to prove we paid for the whole year. Then they found our file. Now we haven’t had any mail in our box for a few days.

I’m running a six or so on the bob scale. A little slower than average. That should pick up as the day proceeds. I didn’t have to take a pain pill till well into the day yesterday but need to start out with one this morning. I guess putting the drip feed system in was tough on the back.
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What a trial this turned out to be. I was lured into changing the layout of the blog by Blogger’s little ad that said how easy it is. I should leave well enough alone. Setting up the original blog was a nightmare that took days. I thought I followed the directions clearly which included saving the original set up in case I had to go back to it. The original is lost as far as I can figure out. This has been three hours of frustration. Somehow I got here. It’s not what I wanted but it’s what I got. Need to get to important things. The hell with messing with this anymore.
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I am tired of getting lost, wandering around from task to task with nothing getting done. I was “Shocking” the flat with Tomatillas in it as I read in instructions on transplanting from the flats. Forgot about it and dried up a bunch of the plants. I didn’t really forget because they were right out where I walked past them every time I would go out the door. I would see them and think “I’ll get to that right after I do this” for two days. Finally got the tomatillas planted and watered the rest of the flat.

Tried to set up the sprinkler to water the corn but it still won’t work right despite me putting grease on it and adjusting the spring. That’s what happens when you buy the cheap made in China Walmart crap. Costs more in the long run.

I am having a hard time figuring out what to do next. Just came in to type this hoping it will help. Damn cat keeps meowing and begging for attention. Every time he does it interrupts my train of thought and I forget what I was thinking. I am getting depressed. Feel useless.

Oh, I figured out why I came inside. I want to look up what kinds of bugs do the types of damage I find on the plants and how to fix it. Came in thirty minutes ago.

First of the month

Your liable to see lots of pictures of the puppies but that's the way it is. This is the first good face shot I've gotten of Trixie even though Rascal's butt is in the way


6/1/07 Friday
It’s the first of the month. The check is in and I am heading to Walfart to pick up some of the stuff we need. As much as I dislike shopping there for what I see as ethical reasons it is where we get the most for our money for many products. Ethics must take a back seat to practicality. It is always a stretch at the end of a month so the first is a big day of sorts. Cherie will do the important bulk shopping where we get important consumables that don’t spoil in the big packages that get us the best value for the money. That is why Sam’s club is a wise investment. Saves us a ton in the long run. With Cherie getting her check (It didn’t come in yet but will) we might splurge and actually go see a movie. It will either be Shrek or Pirates, something upbeat that puts a smile on the face. Neither of us are into the who killed who movies and have no interest of any kind in horror flicks. I’ve seen enough horror in real life.

June is also the month my birthday falls in but I see it as just another day. June 8 I'll be another year older. It's another year in the gift life is for me. Cherie and I have agreed to not make a big deal about birthdays. She spent hers’ in Ohio with Mom as they share the same birthday. In some ways I consider waking up from the coma as a birthday. Was pretty much operating at the level of a child with much of the world brand new to me.

So this morning I went and got the puppies out of the front porch, where we keep them at night or when we are traveling, and carried them to the bed where Cherie was still sleeping. That was a great way to wake her up with their excited wagging tails and licking tongues as they snuggled into her hair looking for the teats they still crave despite being weaned. Cherie just laughed and loved them as they showed how happy they were to see us after being locked in the porch all night. Somehow they managed to poop in the living room. Don’t know when they could have unless the wind blew the front door open, as it doesn’t always latch closed. What a mystery this is. I can hear the theme music from the Twilight Zone running through my head as I write.

I am doing quite well this morning. Already got out and Dippel dusted the corn. We had some rain last night which is always welcome for the garden. At some point I wish to set up things to do what is called “rain water harvesting” by the government. Water is a precious resource and the well water is so hard it eventually leaves a white residue on top of the dirt in the seed starting flats. We haven’t had it tested regarding the mineral content but eventually need to as that is important regarding growing crops and particularly for the orchard trees we plan on.

Time to get moving.
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Spent more at Walmart than I thought I would. The water feeder for the puppies was fifteen bucks. I got some poison for the ants and that was another fourteen, then there was eleven for fungicide to treat the leaf wilt and other diseases that are showing on the plants. It’s a concentrate that will make sixty four gallons but still a chunk of change. All said and done it came out to ninety dollars and I got twenty bucks worth of gas on top of that. If I had filled the thirty gallon tank on the truck it would have been another ninety dollars. Anymore I start slow, drive slow, and stop slow to use as little gas as possible. Cherie was gone to work by the time I got home. I’ll get to work on the garden while I am still doing well cause you never know how long that will last.
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It’s 4:00. I’m wiped so need to take a break. Been out in the sun all day hooking the drip feed irrigation up. Got a headache and body ache, as in all over. Will sit on the veranda to take advantage of the breeze. Sweating buckets as soon as I came in. The wind has beat up the squash plants. Haven’t made it over to look at the melons yet. May not for a while. When I stop sweating I will probably have to take a nap.