A bright and cooler day

7/4/06 Friday
The visit with Allen started out a bit rough. When I , in a friendly way, said “Well Allen, I need to see those plants” referring to the garden I had helped him plant his reply was “You don’t NEED to see anything”. He interpreted my statement as giving him orders and demanding this. It didn’t take long for that to escalate into a problem as I tried to explain that this is how people who are comfortable with each other can talk and I was in no way demanding anything. Allen held on to his side and wouldn’t let it go so I said “I didn’t come over here for this sh*t. I’m going to go home”. I really have no interest in visiting with a friend and enduring this. Now Allen begins to settle a little but of course with my emotional control issues it took a while for me to settle down.

Allen had a movie on and put a different one on thinking I would like it better and began to work so hard to make me be his friend it got uncomfortable. He asked me if I wanted some tea, opened a canister of Skittles, and kept looking for things to do for me. When I didn’t want tea he asked four times again “Are you sure you don’t want tea?”.

Allen had found the Pink Floyd movie “The Wall” among his hundreds of video’s and put it on. This is a movie I had seen a few times in the distant past and being one of my favorite groups of all time was looking forward to watching it. As is usually the case very little was familiar at all. Most of the movie was brand new to me. That movie is an intense commentary on war and the culture in England. It covered many areas including the intense psychological damage incurred from a father absent from a young child’s life and the denigration from a teacher and classmates who continually deride this child. Then I believe the film portrays the slide into madness that Sid Barrett, the troubled yet genius founding member of Pink Floyd. Sid Barrett just died last week in the seclusion he has spent his life in since his breakdown.

As I watched I thought of how powerful this movie would be played on the big screen with the powerful sound system found in modern theatres. It’s images of war and the pain all wars bring are intense. With today’s conflicts in the middle East and our kids being sent out to die for a cause that is not clearly defined I think it could raise the conscience of our country. In my opinion we went in to “liberate” a country from the grips of a despot under false pretense and are now stuck with the mess we made. There is no question that Saddam needed to be gone but the void left by his removal and the dismantling of a countries government is turning this into a Vietnam with little hope for success.

When it came time for me to leave, that time is dinner time, Allen starts the desperate measures to get me to stay that is now a standard process with him. He digs up DVD’s and videos and handing them tells me “You can take this home and watch it if you want”. I explain I don’t watch movies much at all so probably would never get to the several he was pushing me to accept. Then he would pull out books he has on the artists Salvador ???...(Can’t recall his last name) and Escher that have full color prints of their work. As I stood at the steps leading outside with my backpack on he is opening the books saying “Look at this one. You like that? Here’s my favorite”. It is always a job to get out but I think I understand his desperation. Allen tells me of his constant thoughts of suicide and depression so for him being alone can be scary. I feel for him but am limited on what I can do. I will go over there today to help Allen move some of his belongings out of a friends garage because the friend is moving. I will try to be more tolerant of his…I can’t think of the appropriate word right now but you know.

It is a bright sunny day out and the temperature has returned to something much more tolerable so we have the fan in the window airing out the apartment. I am fairly sharp this morning, running a good seven on the Bob scale. I need to call Virginia to see if she was able to get the check cut so I can finish paying for the trailer. Never did get a reply from the owners as to what kind of connection is needed for the lights on it. She said she would be using the trailer till today, I think for their participation in the Indiana state fair. They raise Nubian milk goats and I am sure are displaying them and putting some in the judged events. Thus she has little time to spare so may get to my E mail in a few days.

I probably should get ready for the day. Cherie has left for work now. Will clean up the kitchen and scramble some eggs to have some protein in my system. I think I have figured out how to keep this computer running better. When I start it up I turn off half the programs that start with it. Kodak Easy Share, Windows Messenger, and one of the spyware programs. It is the only one I paid for as the others are free and can be downloaded off the net. When I go online I turn it back on for the firewall protection.

Finally got Allen up. Called him every half hour since 9:30 this morning leaving a short message “Allen it’s 10:00” each time. This last time, at 12:00 I left a message and then called back three times letting it ring but not leaving a message. That worked as he called me back about five minutes later. He said the alarm was going off and his answering machine was beeping so he was sleeping soundly. That is good considering he told me that he had not slept in three days. Sleep deprivation can be dangerous.

I fixed Cherie a sandwich with the pork ribs when she came home for lunch and will take the sandwiches worth of meat that is left to Allen. He doesn’t eat much or right so he needs it.

We got the check from Virginia. I had called her about 11:00 and she said she had sent it. It is for $2000 and will not only pay for the trailer but will allow us to catch up on our bills. Got to get that deposited and do some grocery shopping before I go help Allen get his stuff moved. Time to run. Couldn’t post earlier cause Blogger was not cooperating.