Friday, August 25, 2006

So far so good

8/25/08 Friday
So far so good. I woke up fairly sharp considering I was up till 12:30 last night. I had gone to Allen’s and helped him dig a small hole to lay some concrete and fix his steps. That reminded me how out of shape I am and how much it hurts to bend down and lift. This makes me wonder how I will do working on the farm in Texas.

Cherie reminded me I was to meet Jeff at the Waffle House. That’s right. I called him and scheduled that yesterday or the day before. Allen called at a little after 7:00 this morning. He wanted to make sure I knew that I didn’t turn the water off when I helped him do the concrete work and that he was “Under water”. I had turned the water off but it was still dripping. The water goes in a 50 gallon plastic drum where he lets it aerate and the chlorine evaporate out for the fish tank. I am certain that the drip didn’t cause his house to flood. He probably turned it back on and forgot himself. He’s done it before.

Jeff asked me to catch him up on Texas and the farm. “You’ll be late for work” I said referring to how much has happened. I told him about all of our plans and dreams. Sustainable farming, wind electric generation, rebuilding the house to be passive solar, the fish farm idea, and lots of the other plans. I followed Jeff to pick up the computer he was donating. This one is going to Allen.

With that in my truck I headed for the East Side to go see Allen. Tried to call him but his phone was off the hook so I figured I could bang on his door to get him up. Actually I presumed he would be awake because he had called me so early. Nope, I woke him up. I had planned on helping him clean up his flood (The faucet was indoors so it flooded his house) but he had already done so. After listening to him piss and moan I showed him the computer and got out of there.

“Hey, I’m already on the East Side, maybe I can go see Bernie” I told myself. That sounded like a good idea so I headed to the old warehouse. This is the same building I had my companies in. Bernie was busy with a customer when I got up there so I looked around the building to remind myself again of the world I had destroyed.
These are the signs pointing to where my offices were. Keith Knecht made these. He is an artist who is known nationally for his pinstripe work on custom cars. So many good and bad memories are attached to this place.

There are still many remnants left and always will be until the building is torn down. It is sad to see again but is a good reminder of the destructive power of drugs and for that matter of an undiagnosed brain injury.

Bernie’s guest was gone when I got back to his shop so he had a few moments to talk but not long. Things are not going well. The city may stop it’s support of the building and that would mean Bernie would lose his shop. His frustration level is very high. Bernie told me how bad things had gotten and that he would love to go back to his cabin in the mountains of California. The VFW post he is a commander at is not doing well at all, adding to his stress. He had allot of calls to make so we agreed to meet next week sometime and I took off.

Now I am at the library downtown. I want to meet with as many of the people who had helped me when I was wandering homeless as I can to thank them and say goodbye. The downtown library was a refuge for me during those times. Not only could I research who I was but it was safe, away from the predators on the streets, had heating and air, and a bathroom I could clean up at. The staff here, upon learning of my situation, taught me how to use the computers I had once been good at and pointed me in the right directions to learn what I needed. Good people.

I think I will post this and work on the business plan. Love the Wi Fi cause I can go online with this laptop here in the library.
1:49 – I was real sharp when I met with Jeff and stayed that way till now. Couldn’t remember if I ate breakfast so cooked one of the bratwurst for lunch. Now I remember! I met Jeff for breakfast. I am slowing down now and have a headache on the way. I’ll go shopping before it gets too bad. I am going to cook dinner tonight and want to get something for the pork tenderloins, probably apple like I had planned before. Better get moving before it gets too bad. Was at a 9 on the Bob scale this morning and am down to a 6 now.

That was a stark reminder of why I don’t go out shopping or for that matter out at all when I am slow. I made a list to make sure I got everything and once in the store found I had forgotten it, presumably at home. This is one of the slow downs that effects the part of my brain that controls movement. As a consequence I am limping real bad and walking very slow. As people rushed through the store they were constantly swinging around me. I tried to stay out of the way as much as I could. As I pushed my cart I looked studiously down each isle, desperately hoping to remember what I was going to buy. Didn’t do to bad. The only thing I forgot was brown sugar. The headache was accentuated by my disorientation and the stress of being in the store. I was glad to check out. Walking out of the store a lady seemed to be upset with my slow speed, perhaps thinking I was doing it on purpose. I don’t know, perhaps I am just being a little self conscious.

When I got home I took the pork loins out of the fridge to marinade them in the apple juice I got for that purpose. I could have sworn that when I read the cooking instructions on them it said they should be marinaded. No it didn’t. They are already marinaded. This is certainly a slow time. Don’t comprehend what I read well. The list I thought I forgot was sitting on the seat of the truck. I think I will post this, take some aspirin, and go to bed.
7:28 – The headache made it to migraine level. I am still walking poorly as my control of the right leg isn’t too hot. Hoped to work on the business plan but didn’t get to it. Cherie is visiting her mom right now. I made myself come out to write this and will check E mail. Then I’ll probably go back to bed. These periods drive me nuts. Running a 5 on the bob scale so even writing this is hard. I wonder how I will be able to run a farm like this. It is a little scary.

Now I am doing much better, running an 8 or so. Yeah, I’ll be able to run the farm with Cherie. By myself I don’t know. Hell if I was by myself I wouldn’t care to go through all that work. But with Cherie I am motivated. Now I am building a life not just living day to day. So as a team “We” can do this. She can fill in the blanks I have and I support and strengthen her emotionally. It’s hard to put in words. Basically we are complete, like the Bible puts it “The two shall become one” and thus strong where apart we were fragmented and perhaps a bit scattered.

Cherie came in and told me there were some kids in the parking lot out by a pickup truck. I got up and looked out the window, they were changing a tire. It didn’t look right so I got up and put my clothes on. I decided now was a good time to take out the garbage. When I went out they were just getting in the truck and took off. There was no license plate on the truck and I thought they were looking at the trailer so as usual I thought the worst. Nothing like imagination. Not that bad but I decided to put the chain and lock on the trailer. I had bought it for that purpose but had slacked off on chaining it.

While out there the kid (35 is a kid to me) I had talked to a few days ago walked by. He’s the one who is on SSI for all the different “A.D.” mental disorders, had a drug problem, and had been in prison more times than me. He was high. I talked with a bit about life, trying to encourage him that making the right choices leads to a better life. Don’t know if I got through. Probably not but often times these words come back when someone is in trouble. Who knows. I was clear by the time all this happened so I was able to have a lucid conversation with him.

Allen called me at 9:00 tonight. “How r u feeling” he said as one word. I told him I’d had a migraine so he said “Well why don’t you come over and maybe fix that”. He still doesn’t get it. For me nine at night is the end of the day but for him it is like two in the afternoon. I’ve explained this many times but I know that between his traumatic brain injury, depression, and the pain medications it will not stay. Allen’s ability to pirate satellite TV was done in a month or two ago. I guess the satellite companies have a way of frying the computer chips or whatever it is that accesses the network. He also doesn’t have any reception for the local television down in the basement. I told him many times to run a wire to the roof but he claims it won’t do any good. He’s tried it before so he knows. You can’t argue with him cause when he makes a stand he will stick with it till the end. I couldn’t even suggest how to lay the concrete for the whole I dug the other day.

It is 10:00 PM and I am wide awake and energetic. Would have been allot happier if I had been like this earlier today when I could have gotten work done on the business plan. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get. Time to make this the last post of the day and research more stuff for the business plan.

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