Wednesday, October 21, 2009

End of the day

6:10 – It’s frustrating and amazing at how sharp and clear my mind is now. Frustrating because I lost several hours out of my day, time I sure could have gotten a lot of things done. But I’ll do the best I can with what I’ve got so there is no time for TV or anything else that is frivolous. I used to call these periods of heightened mental acuity “Prime time” and they were rare moments that were always greatly appreciated. I am blessed with longer seasons of increased cognizance these days. Remember those anti drug ads that said “A mind is a terrible thing to waste”? That takes on special meaning for me these days and despite the frustrating times I am keenly aware of how blessed I am to be able to even write this.

For years I spent my days high and drunk, all in the name of having a good time. What the hell was I thinking back then? Beats me, I pretty much wasn’t thinking, but it sure is good to be free of those things that had enslaved me. When I saw my brother those three days at my dad’s funeral it really brought that home. Many of his buddies from college days were there and it was sad to hear the conversation. The subject of a girl who had attended A&M came up and mom mentioned how she had gotten her degree in three years. “She didn’t have enough fun” my brother joked and laughed with his friends about how it had taken him an extra year or two to graduate because of how much he partied. In his mind it is all rationalized and justified, he’s turned the drinking into a joke in an attempt to make it a positive thing. We have our problems but he’s my brother and I love him, I just know and see how alcohol has held him back and damaged his mind after forty years of heavy use. He got upset with me about calling him an alcoholic claiming that he is a professional and gets together with his buddies, who are also professionals, to have a good time. Denial is the biggest and first obstacle to overcome with this and any other drug problem. Alcohol has been the bane of some of the greatest and most successful minds throughout the history of man.

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