101005 Monday

10/10/05 Monday
     I woke up tired and slow. Hate to start the day that way. When I turned my phone on there were two voice mails on it. They were from Ahmed. I forgot that he needs me to get him to his truck. I want to not call but must do what I say. OK I called but there was no answer. OOP’s the phone’s ringing. That would be Ahmed calling back. It was and he asked if I could take him to his truck. I looked at the clock and at 8:15, with me needing to shower and eat, plus having to take Fred to a variety of places, on top of an hour drive there and back I had to tell him no. Suppose it’s time to get my butt moving.
     When I’m slow everything slows down. It took me an hour to get cleaned up and dressed. I think this normally takes maybe twenty minutes but can’t really remember. All I know is that on days like this it is like waking up many times a day. I’ll be going along and look at a clock to see an hour or three has gone by. I will have to stop and think for a while to remember what I was doing or was supposed to be doing. Kinda like the momentary confusion when your mind is sorting things out as you wake from a deep sleep only it’s in the middle of your day.
     It is a good thing I didn’t take Ahmed because I would not have been able to get there and back in time. Fred won’t be any fun easier if I am in this state. Hope I improve. On days like this I drive like an old man, nice and slow, but I seldom drive significantly slower than the speed limit like some.
     I took my pill earlier this morning but sense that I better take my aspirin and tramadol for headache. Headaches are never a good way to start. My typing speed is still real slow, an indicator of brain function. I want to fill in the events at the apple butter festival but it will have to wait for a better time. And, so I don’t forget, I need to tell of Ahmed’s beliefs about 9/11.
     It is 12:25 now. Cherie just left for work. I was fixing grits, bacon, and fried eggs for brunch when Cherie got home at 12:00. With it I whipped up some of what my dad used to call dirty gravy or something like that. It is just a flour gravy using the bacon grease to make the rue with. Every time I make it I think of my dad. How he used to cook breakfast, the buttermilk biscuits, and this gravy. There are some good memories and many areas where dad had an influence and when I write about him I need to make sure I include the good. Otherwise it will be a pretty grim picture and I like to be as balanced and honest as I can in my writing. It would be nice if he would talk to me and help me know what happened when, give his contribution to that book.
     As always when I am with Cherie I have a good barometer of how I am doing. Pretty bad, about a 2 or 3. As I listened to my voice I remembered who I sound like. Tom Hanks in Forest Gump talked in a way that is reminiscent of me when I am slow. I was stuttering now and couldn’t communicate well with Cherie. When that happens I get frustrated and must withdraw from conversation because it turns into a progressive deterioration as my brain becomes overloaded and starts to freeze up.
     I got Fred to his destinations OK. The first stop was Office Depot where he wanted to buy a new shredder. He wanted one with an on off switch so he would not have to keep unplugging it to turn it off. He started looking at the high end where the shredders went for about three hundred bucks. I steered him to the cheap seats where I knew he wanted to be and began describing what he looked at. His constant question was “Does it have an on off switch?” which I answered by telling him they all had on off switches. “How much is this one? Does it have an on off switch?” Fred asked pointing to the machine I had just showed him and priced for him. He finally settled on that one so we headed to the register. I gave the clerk the slip that identified what Fred wished to purchase, allowing them to get one from storage. When it arrived Fred said “Open the box. I want to make sure it’s the right one.” The manager promptly opened it up and I\ explained to Fred, who couldn’t see what he looked at, that it was the correct one. “Does it have an on off switch?” Fred asked the manager. I let him answer figuring a second opinion might stick better than just me telling him.
     From there Fred wanted to find a Dollar General to buy Sweetest Day cards. I did not know if there was one nearby so after taking Fred through a few strip malls I suggested we drive up to Maumee where we knew a Dollar General was. “Fred gas costs too much to just drive around hoping to find one.”  
     When we got there the card rack was nearly cleaned out. It was evident that the vender who stocked it had not been there in a while. Fred asked a clerk if they had Sweetest Day cards and upon hearing a confirmation of what I told him said lets go. The next stop was at Deals where the same song was playing, No Sweetest Day cards so we headed to the Dollar Tree. They also did not have any but the lady working there told Fred that Big Lots had some.
     Big Lots is only three or four stores down Dollar Tree but Fred wasn’t up to walking that far so I drove him to park closer. Inside we found Sweetest Day cards though the selection wasn’t great. I know that Fred buys these cards for all the women he has in his life, none of them in a romantic way, so I looked for the general ones for him. I would pick one out and read every word loud enough for him to hear. As I tried to keep with the style of card I knew he wanted he kept pulling out cards who’s covers caught his eye. “Fred, that one says “to my husband” so you don’t want that” I would tell him and get out an appropriate card to read before he grabbed something else. Eventually I read enough cards for him to pick out four. I’m sure some of the patrons in the store wondered as they saw a middle aged guy reading Sweetest Day poems to an old man. Of course I was reading loud enough for half the store to hear because Fred doesn’t hear well.
     Fred said I better get a card for Cherie and I thanked him cause I don’t often think of that kind of thing on top of not knowing Sweetest Day was coming. We checked out and I helped Fred go through his dismay at how much cards cost. He bitched about it all the way home.
     I am tired and had to keep from nodding off as I slowly worked on writing this. It is 1:18 now so you can see how much I wrote in an hour because I marked the time seven paragraphs earlier at 12:25. Still slow but hope I speed up by the time I take Barb to the doctor at 4:30. I think I will take my afternoon nap because it usually helps.
     Wayne just called to make sure I was still going to take him to the Zeph Center cause they had just called him. It is smart for him to call because you never know when I will forget or fail to write it in the calendar. After I clean forgot about taking him to the Pilgrim Church on some recent Friday he is starting to help me out. My joke is that me helping Wayne out was like the blind leading the blind but working together we can get more done. Now I will try again to lay down. Even walking is slower as I have to be more deliberate, taking care my right leg goes where it’s supposed to.
     I’m waking up again. But before I can gather what I was doing the phone rings. It is Allen and he wants me to look up knife fish and then gets into all these details describing variations between sub species until I cut him off. I said he would have to be here with me because there was no way I would be able to navigate the web. It turned into an argument right away. I now remember that Allen had called earlier and we talked of his problem and stuff. That one went well but not this time. Allen argued with me and that seems to be my weakness for it is then I get angriest the quickest. I hung up on him.
     Fred just called and I have to get Barb now. Got Barb and am sitting in the parking lot writing this. I got the jazz station in and have the windows down on this cool drizzling day. I am not as slow as before but still not speedy. Barb just came out so I will take Barb home where I will pick up Dawn for the grocery store.
     I told Barb that she needs to get Dawn into the car as quick as she can because “My wife gets home at 5:00 and I want to be there so lets get going.” She went to  Dawn’s door and I could see her explaining to Dawn. They promptly got in the car and we were off. “Are you getting a lot of stuff at the Pharm?” I asked Dawn cause I knew she was filling her card there. “No, just a few things.” She replied so I dropped them off  at the store.
      I’m going to get something to drink I told them and took off. I found a Burger King and went up to the drive through window. “I’ll have a medium strawberry shake” I said to the box. It told me how much to pay so I reached for my wallet as I drove toward the pay window. It was stark naked inside, not a dollar. I spent it all at the Apple Butter fest and of course forgot I did so. Seeing that I pulled out of the line and going past the window I waved at the guy trying to be as polite as I could. Then I was out of there and headed back to the Pharm where I pulled up front in the fire lane and waited for them to come out.  
     They had promised to be quick and I was confident they would. Sure enough I can see them coming through the check out. But wait! What’s the hold up. First I see Barb going to the customer service desk and then after a while I see Dawn heading that direction also. I was just beginning to think about going in when I saw Barb heading out with Dawn close behind. Come to find out there was a long line at the machine used to fill up your food stamp card. I pull up to their apartments and let them unload. As soon as they were clear I put it in gear and was gone.
     I got home and greeted my lovely wife with a kiss and a hug. We are like some Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver couple from Leave It To Beaver and just love some theatrics when we come together. She fixed the “Old Settlers Beans” dish that I love so well. Then she told me this incredibly easy recipe for apple crisp which I just finished baking. Cherie just came in and as I looked up at her, startled as always with how beautiful she is, she said “Do you mind if I go out?”. I told here of course not and asked where she was going. She is going to Jo Ann Fabrics and then to Michaels, which is a craft supply store. This means she is continuing to get back to the sewing and creating she loves so much. I encourage this as much as I can but should listen to myself. I haven’t picked up my wood carving tools since the Cedar Creek rejection that spun me into a depression.