Sunday, October 02, 2005

10205 Sunday

10/2/05 Sunday
     I woke up early this morning, about 5:00. The headache is there and I am running at about a 7 on the Bob scale. Cherie is still asleep but I am sure she will wake up as she usually does when I am not beside her. Today she will be driving to Novi Michigan where she will attend a big sewing convention with all kinds of workshops and of course tons of booths where manufacturers will be hawking their products.
     She would have preferred to go yesterday but had to work so today is the last day it will be open. It bothered her to miss church and she was anxious for my approval asking for it so many times I got upset. I had told her yes and encouraged her to go several times but her mind kept laying guilt trips so she would ask “would you mind if…” Of course this is a constant battle as I work to help her overcome a lifetime of abuse that had destroyed her self esteem. She is slowly getting better and I complimented her yesterday when she said she was going to run down to a fabrics store to enter a drawing with out the “would it be ok if I…” prefix.
     I am not sure if I will go to church with Cherie up in the Detroit area. I will play that one by ear. I would have to borrow Fred’s car and try to do so as little as possible. I know I will worry about Cherie because I know that the Detroit area can be confusing. I would go with her mostly to drive but am sure that my presence would deduct from what she would get out of it. The fact that I am a typical guy and have little knowledge or interest in sewing is not the major factor in this. The real problem would come from the brain injury. For me strange places with lots of noise and a large amount of sensory information to process can be overwhelming and triggers the slow downs. There was a time I went with Cherie to a large shopping mall when it was packed with people and had to leave, almost running over people to escape the noise and confusion and reach the safety our quiet car. Add to that the fact that I would physically have a hard time keeping up after an hour or two. I love Cherie so much and have encouraged her to get back involved with the sewing she loves so much that the last thing I want to do is dampen that.
     Yesterday I looked at bottle my seizure pills come in and saw that I had not been taking them as prescribed. I was taking two 100 milligram pills a day and had not used the 150’s I had. Come to find out I was supposed to take to of the 150’s  and a 100 each day. I really don’t like taking lots of medication and had questioned if it was doing much good but after the partial seizure when I had forgotten to take it I understand it does help. Perhaps ramping up a little will help stabilize the slow downs. It would be nice if I could have more time with a brain that functions at a higher rate of speed.
     Cherie’s gone now and I’ve washed the dishes and cleaned a little. That and sitting at this computer both aggravate the pain in my back. If I keep it ramrod straight it doesn’t hurt. Just the slight slouch does it.
     I took the plaque and ten commandments carvings out side to get a picture of them in the sunlight because the quality indoors was poor. I did this to publish them on the website. Come to think of it I will put the plaque on the blog. Jeanie, whom we had gotten to know from the Cedar Creek home group read the blog and sent us an E mail that was a big encouragement. Small words can go a long way to help lift one up. Of course small words can tear down a soul also when there is malice, spite, or even a touch of judgment. Jeanie, if you read this we thank you for your heart and love you.
     I didn’t go to church this morning which I am sure some will find appalling. My brain is functioning at a 7 or 8 and I want to make use of the time to work on the many things that have languished. I promised Jeff I would write up a little Bible study for the home group so will do that first but what is vitally important is to organize Wayne’s papers and make preparations for his Social Security hearing. That will also require me to set up appointments with several doctors to get documentation of his MS and establish it has advanced to the point he is truly disabled.
     It is 1:38. I just got real week and tired. Realizing I have not eaten I fixed the peanut butter and honey on toast I like and had a glass of milk. I am slowing down and think I will lay down for a bit. Barely started the Bible study on Mathew 21.28.
     It is 3:00 now I had taken my second pill and two aspirin before lying down. I am still slow and the headache has not gone away. I listened to Simon and Garfunkel as I snoozed. It is frustrating to return to this state but I must press on and ignore this pain and force the brain to work however slow.
     As I read the book they are studying in Jeff’s home group I was surprised to see little resemblance in the lesson to the parable. Sure it covered some of what Jesus was saying but in a rudimentary way and the author seemed more concerned about making the parable conform to what he wanted to say.      
     I got the Bible study done. It is midnight now and I am exhausted. When Cherie got home at around five I was still slow. I did not start to come out of the slow down till about seven. Did not get much done.

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