101705 Monday

10/17/05 Monday
     Not doing bad except for fighting this cold. I seem to be typing well this morning and would say operating at a 7 ½ or so. Not bad, not good, but I’m grateful for what I get. Every day I wake up is a gift so I will make the best of it. There is nothing scheduled so I have hope of a nice day where I may get some things done. Just thinking about that reminds me I need to go through Wayne’s stuff and organize it as well as make a to do list for him. It bothers me that I take on projects, knowing what needs to be done and confident that I can do it, but it doesn’t get done. A part of me sees these tasks as simple for they once were but that part refuses to recognize this thing they call disability. I need to schedule these tasks for as always, if it isn’t written down it won’t happen.
     It is 9:00 so I am off to a slow start. There is a cloudless sky out there and was 33 degrees this morning. Cold weather is coming. I am debating making multiple small blog posts as I go through the day. It may elicit some responses as the day unfolds, a kind of ongoing conversation with the unknown millions who are following my every word. At least in my imagination. Hey, it sounds good. I think the odds are pretty good I have a rather limited audience but it’s nice to dream.
     Cherie’s gone to work now. I need to jump start myself and kick it in gear. Don’t want to waste good brain time. I think a shower and quick breakfast will get me moving. Right now my cognizance has increased to an 8. We are now approaching Prime Time, at least I hope so. These are the times this damaged brain operates at something resembling it’s former ability. These periods usually only last a short time so I like to make good use of them.
     I just spent the last two hours studying website hosts and related things. I only understand a portion of what they presented. I found a site that lists and rates companies and services. I put it in favorites so I can find it later. There are so many tools available that would tremendously help me with this disability. I just have to learn how to use them and then use them till it sticks in the brain. Right now I don’t even recognize words that are to the writer simple basics. What is Pop 3 E-mail? I hear about it but am clueless. It would be nice to find an educational site for dummies. I took my pill and now I am getting tired. Have to wonder if it is the meds dragging me down. They are mowing outside and I am getting a headache. I’ll close the windows to reduce the noise that is violent to my ears at the moment.
     It’s time. The headache and ringing ears are coming on. I think I will carve instead of trying to write. I haven’t touched my tools for quite a while. I would guess march or so. That would probably be good for me and help me to think. I better take some aspirin while I am thinking about it.
     I just looked at some simple stuff like removing the one toolbar above that I really don’t have a use for or know what it does. I am getting to confused to easily so I am slowing down. Definitely will try to carve. Everything else will just bother me. Hate this.
     Wow. I had forgotten about carving. How relaxing it is to focus on something while all your other problems fade, only cropping up on occasion. I had also forgotten how much pain it causes when I sit on the ground and carve. My legs become frozen and it is difficult to straighten them and that is where the pain really comes in. I sure miss my work bench. I still have one at my old warehouse but I can’t get to it and have no place to put it.
     I have started back on the carving I was making as a wedding gift or something commemorating our marriage. It got put away when I missed up the wolf but I have that figured out now. It will be good to do this again. I will now go back to carving despite the certain pain. Got to do what ya got to do. No good thing comes without a cost.
     Linda Holland (I think) called. She is the girl Virginia had problems with and was getting money out of Minnie Lee. I think this is the first time she has ever called me here in Toledo. She said that Lee is getting worse and is unresponsive much of the time. She was anxious to keep talking to me and would not let go. “Thanks for calling Linda, we appreciate it. I’ve gotta go now.” I said three times before she finally got it. She told a story about when she visited Lee told her that there was an old man who stayed by the bed and would pat her hand. Linda started going on about an angel and I had enough.
     I called Virginia after that and left a message on her machine. I am kind of wondering about Linda’s motive in her calling me. Her track record is not good. I just left an E mail for Virginia. I think I will get the picture of the woodcarving and put it right here.
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