101105 Saturday

10/11/05 Saturday
     I had written much more yesterday but must of forgotten to save it cause it’s not here now. Yesterday ended rough. I had one of those headaches, where I have to turn off the lights and television, come in fast. I also have the return of an old problem where if I yawn real strong it affects some nerve some where and paralyzes my vocal cords and the right side of my neck. That hasn’t happened in months. I choked on a cracker and after getting that washed down a Tums that I took for the acid stomach. Both had not gone down the right path but lodged in the airway. I coughed and cleared my throat for quite a while.
     By nine I just curled up in bed and told Cherie I was done for the night. She continued going through clothes in the closet until she got the message I was done and needed no lights and quiet. “I’ll just go in the other room and be quiet” she said and I asked her for my good night kiss. That was the end cause I conked out right away and don’t even remember when she came to bed.
     We had gone to the Glendale Family Restaurant for dinner. We have learned to rush there immediately after Cherie gets off work to beat the crowd. Getting into the parking lot is like coming into pit row at a Nascar race as everyone else who comes for the fantastic food at unbelievable prices rushes in. We didn’t quite make it before the waiting list started but were only third or fourth on it. Seconds after we arrived the waiting room filled up. I was going to save some of the ribs I ordered and Cherie had planned to do the same with the chicken she ordered but it was so good we cleaned it up.
     Then we ordered desert and both got this turtle cheese cake. It was one of the best cheesecakes I have ever had and as Cherie and I discussed that fact I made a comment that cracked us both up. A dangerous thing to do with a mouthful of food. In trying to describe this dessert I told Cherie it was like a taste orgasm with every bite. I ate so much I had a hard time walking and started having the powerful hiccups I call stomach lurches. These can be so strong they hurt and almost make me lose my food.
     I was up and down all night and woke up at 4:30 or so. Right now I am operating at about a 6. I have to take Barb to the dentist this morning so must get going. Cherie just fixed some scrambled eggs and got me a glass of orange juice. I am blessed to have her in my life.
     Oh yeah, while it is in my mind I need to write that I had Cherie call Sharon to see how she is doing. Sharon’s son Gary answered the phone and after carefully inquiring who it was gave it to his mom. Sharon was rather abrupt and the conversation did not last long. I feel bad for losing it with her and will write her a letter as I don’t trust myself not to get mad again if we talked.
     Gotta get showered and out of here. I called Barb to make sure she was up. Basil answered and when I told him she was to go to the dentist he woke her up. Then I called Fred to let him know Barb was up so he wouldn’t call her and so I could get the package he had for her. When I knocked on the door and Fred answered he showed me a cardboard box with the top leaves taped up to increase the volume of the box. It was packed full to the top so I picked it up and headed out. “I’ll open the door for you” Fred said as I tried to get a hand free without dropping everything.
     At Barb’s now and carried the box up to the door. She fought the cats to put the food in her fridge. I think she is up to six or seven now and one of them is again pregnant. I let Barb know that it was 49 degrees out so she needed a sweater or something warm and got her out to the car.
     She kind of rambled a bit, telling me about one thing and then switching to another subject. I would make a comment on occasion but didn’t have much to say. As I listened I began to think about Barb, her life, her humanity. Her cats are the place she can love and feel, where she is safe and can have the emotions that were robbed when she lost her children. Like all of us she wants to belong and fit in, to have friends. She is locked into a place where fitting in can be dangerous.
     I feel for her as I write this. I am in the parking lot of the dentist sitting in the Lincoln listening to jazz. The last time I was here it took Barb an hour and a half to get done. Typical Medicaid doctor in that she packs them in and runs as many through the mill as possible. I’m not real speedy but I can do stuff for the website without having to understand the software of the MS Office publishing program.
     Just got started on that when Barb finally came out. We headed back to her place and as we passed a rummage sale she pointed it out to me. Then we passed another one and she was happy to see it. “Look Bob it’s a rummage sale” she said with the enthusiasm of a child who just saw something wonderous go by. “Do you have any money?” I asked her and when she said no I told her there was no sense in going then. That didn’t matter because now she was telling me what she could do with one of the pieces of furniture that was out on the lawn of the first sale. Describing in detail how she would put curtains on the front of this cabinet, dreaming of a life that could have been. She was talking to the window as we drove on, just speaking out loud as her eyes looked fixatedly at the vision in her mind.
     I was sad as I watched her and now as I write of this. It renews my desire to make a difference in my world.
     Cherie went to so some shopping so I have the house to myself and am hoping to get stuff done. I am still slow, maybe up to a seven but it is hard to tell. It is when I am around Cherie or some one else and have to interact I can get a clearer idea of how fast the brain is working. Typing helps me gauge this as my speed and accuracy vary widely depending of how efficiently this brain is working.
     I was tired when I got back and the headache was coming so Cherie got me some aspirin and I took them with a Tramadol. Now the headache is here but I am not letting it win. I had to eat another Tums when I got here so the heartburn thing is back with a vengeance. Cherie will pick up some Pepsid at Sam’s Club because that seems to work well. I am going to take another Tums now with the hope it will help me concentrate on the work I must do to create the website.
     Never got to work on the website, in fact that was pretty much the end of the day for me.