Sunday 103105

10/30/05 Sunday
I am up now. It is 7:52. Woke up at 7:00. Cherie has been up for a while and is cooking banana bread which smells great. I woke up with a headache which doesn’t bode well. That isn’t always a precursor to a slow down. If I am lucky it will just be a headache. Right now I seem to be operating at a 6 or 7 on the Bob scale.
When I went to refill my pill minder I discovered that I have been taking the 100 milligram pills instead of the 150s. I have asked Cherie to help me track slow downs to see how they relate to taking this seizure medication. This week I will be going to the Ann Arbor VA hospital for the neurology clinic where we will discuss this. All I want is to have this brain work all the time. I no that will probably never happen but hey it’s good to dream.
We are getting ready to go to church and my brain function has risen to an 8. Kinda want to stay and write but won’t. We got to go now.

10/31/05 Monday
It is 4:00 now. I just got back from taking Fred to the store where he bought food for Barb. I did not hide my thoughts on how Barb is taking advantage of him and that he was buying food for Basil as well. Basil makes good money as a brick layer but he doesn’t contribute much if anything. When we took the food in Barb had an attitude and asked me to leave so she could talk to Fred. He says she showed him the TV in her bedroom that wasn’t there before. I personally think she asked me to leave because she was again going to take advantage of his blindness when she showed it to him. Who knows what she showed him but she sure didn’t want me around for it.
Fred asked me what was going on between me and Barb and I told him I don’t like being lied to or how she takes advantage of him. He asked if I could take her to the church on Sylvania Ave. for the food and I was till she gave me the attitude. I don’t have time to help those who don’t appreciate it at all.
I was up till late last night. Right now I can’t recall what I did after church. I think I went to see the movie Doom with Allen and when I went to Saturdays entry I see that was what I planned. I know I saw the movie with him just couldn’t place the day till now.
The movie sucked and after I went back to Allen’s we watched his satellite TV and talked. He is not doing well and as I watched him interact with his fish I could see how close to the edge he is. He told me that the fish are a godsend to him and may have kept him from suicide. He would sit there and talk to them like they could hear and understand what he said. Cherie and I do that with our cat Carmen in a way, and so do lots of people but it seemed different with Allen. He is so isolated that the fish may serve as his safe outlet to express himself. I didn’t find an opportune time to talk with Allen about the pain pills but will try when it is right.
I am tired and in a negative mood. Don’t like it and will stay out of circulation for now because I can’t trust myself at these times to not cuss someone out for next to nothing. No tolerance for bull s--- now. I don’t like to even drive at these times because that brings the aggression out.