Tuesday, October 18, 2005

101805 Tuesday

10/18/05 Tuesday
     It is a bright, cloudless, cool day. I opened the blinds to let as much light in as possible. I am excited about carving again and this would be a good time. Last night I kept carving as long as I could but even with all the lights on I couldn’t see well enough after 5. Right now the sun comes right in because our window faces the East.
(Note to self-You want to write about talking to Virginia and the effect of knowing someone reads this.)
     Alright. With that reminder for this easily distracted mind I will rush off and shower, shave, and eat. I’m running at a good seven on the Bob scale. I will be conflicted over setting priorities with what to do with my time. I want to carve but I need to work on Wayne’s stuff and I need to get stuff started on the website content.
     I haven’t taken my pill yet this morning and need to do so. It is 8:54 right now. I am feeling the sensation of hunger which is rare for me. One of the things that I lost along with my sense of taste and smell.
     What is strange is these senses come and go as they wish, kinda wander in and wander out. They seem to be working more nowadays than before but I don’t have as many spikes where these senses are amplified. I remember walking downtown during one of these spikes.
     There was a light breeze and it was sunny like it is today. As I walked past some flowering plants near the Catholic Center I could smell their aroma in a kinda crisp and clean way. Then I could smell everything coming in on this breeze. Trash, exhaust, food, I could smell it all and knew the trash was far away. Now, to add to this increase of information my mind needed to process my hearing starts picking up the noises coming with these odors. The cars as I walked into the heart of downtown, the noise from a restaurant kitchen, and as I passed the alley behind it their dumpster.
     It was nearing lunch time or something because there was lots of people on the sidewalks. They all had someplace to be and a time to get there so I maintained my pace so as not to get run over. I could hear the conversations of every one around, a cacophony of chatter that I was only able to catch strings of. I could also smell the perfumes, colognes, and the body odors in this throng especially from the street people.
     I am glad these spikes don’t come as often because they can sometimes be overwhelming. But at the same time it is fantastic when you are eating a nice meal to experience the flavors and smells in this pronounced way.
     Ooops. I got to writing that and never got to the shower and stuff. Today I will take Barb to the Zeph Center. That is at 3:30.
     Alright Bob, way to go. It is 10:00 and I am dressed, fed, and have no place to go. I’ll take any accomplishment. Now I face the same dilemma as before. What to do. I think I will opt for carving for the morning is when the light is best and I am not yet able to move the sun so I will take advantage of it while I can.
     I took the pill an hour or so ago and now am feeling kinda tired. I was pretty bright earlier and think this tiredness comes at around the same time each day. If it the pill I don’t like it. Perhaps they have something else that won’t dope me up. The Dilantin was worse. Perhaps I should reduce it. I don’t know. Having seizures is not fun but the reality is the slow downs, which are partial seizures, haven’t abated. At least not last week. Now I just want to lay down. Not good.
     Now I can feel the headache creeping around in my head. It is hiding behind my eyebrows and sitting on top of the eyeballs. If I ignore it and get focused on something else it slinks back but thinking about it is like feeding it giving it boldness and strength. Duh! So stop writing about it dummy, that’s thinking with amplification.
     Now I’m off to carve.
Never carved. Not yet. I laid down. The headache made it and I took aspirin and Tramadol but that won’t help this fatigue. As soon as I got comfortable for a long stay on the toilette the cell phone rang. Of course, impeccable timing, it must be Fred. I didn’t hurry to get to the phone as some things you don’t rush. Then the regular phone rang which made me sure it was Fred, in a hurry to reach me. I answered the phone with “Hi Fred” and it was Fred. I told him I was on the crapper when he called and heard the phone ring to let him know I was inconvenienced. He inquired when I was going to pick up Barb with his usual urgency that I get there early. I will pick up the package of stuff I took him to the store last week to buy and take it to Barb.
     It is frustrating to have this slow down in the middle of the day. To bad I can’t schedule them for when I sleep. Maybe I should try some of the herbal stuff that can help sometimes but not always. Just taking a nap sounds best. I need a Tums now for an acid stomach. That has been happening again.
     Good. The herbal stuff did help clear up my head a little bit and the pain is less noticeable as well. It didn’t touch the headache just the back and neck pain. I think I will try to carve now.
         Maybe not. I just got into a puzzle I noticed yesterday. It seems that the heading at the top said Journal,word-editing 101205. This was a change from the original title so I dug in to see what was up. Eventually I found the original journal which ended on 9/11/05. That was the time I was trying to back up this journal on CD with much difficulty. Somehow I did this mix up then and now have to figure out how to fix it. I pasted what was missed onto the original journal which is where I am writing now. The short cut takes me to the other journal that has “Editing” in the title. Hope I can do this without erasing everything. I should back this up onto the CD I finally learned how to make the last time. Unfortunately that means I have to learn it all over again because it vanished from this brain. Such is life with a brain injury, learning the same thing over again and again till it finally sticks through repetition. Then it still fades over time if not used.
     I am glad the brain is clearer and that makes me bold enough to try and fix this thing…… Now I know it is not really good to walk around bragging but I am impressed with myself. I was able to figure out and fix this little problem without losing my data. You know what that means???   I have graduated up to a third graders technical computer abilities. I want my teacher to paste a gold star by my name. Oh wait. I’m my teacher. Well I think I will have to put gold stars on the shopping list so I have some for these momentous occasions. Don’t want to put them on this laptop so I reckon I’ll have to paste them on my forehead.
     I love it when I get my brain back. It helps my sense of humor which I cherish. Humor has kept me alive and now helps Cherie. If I didn’t laugh I would cry and that is no fun. I love making Cherie laugh and Cherie is the same with me. When either of us is having a hard time the other works to get that smile even if it takes all day.
     I really wish I could record some of the antics we go through. We do some regular routines. Just yesterday I had Cherie laughing so hard it hurt. We are getting all kinds of mail because our bankruptcy is now listed on the computers. Some of the stuff is hilarious. One offer I began to mock, reading the many pieces that came in the big envelope with an uneducated country hick kind of voice.  
      The ad is a real slick piece that is well put together. The sad thing is I used to teach companies how to do this stuff and I recognize the techniques used. It started with the outside of the envelope. “We’re Looking for People to Test Automotive Products (And Keep All Test Products FREE!)” That’s the hook and then they put in a sense of urgency “We need to hear from you in 10 days”. Strategically placed in a small window you can just see your name embossed in raised silver letters on what resembles a credit card and the title “Charter Member”. Of course they threw in some letters and numbers to look like an account number.
     That’s the front of the envelope, turn it around and you see the bait on the hook.  All they want to do is get you to open this envelope. “Which Free Gift Could You Get?” it says in big letters across the top and underneath are two pictures. By this time I have gone into dumb hick mode. “HEY, lookie here baby, I can get lots of free stuff” I drawl in my best backwoods accent.  OH!! Look on the back, I gets a free wash mitt or a two in one AAutow duster…OOr maybe both. Just have to scratch to see. Hey lets hurry up and open this to see if we got both.” I said feigning excitement.
     Cherie is laughing and that encourages me to keep going. Inside there was a four page letter written on paper that is twice the size of a regular page. It is written at about a fourth grade level and I started reading it in hick mode, making comments all along the way. “Look honey…I’ve been nominated, and I can get some free aluminum rims”
     It was fun. You should have been there. Life is good because we decide to make life good no matter how bad it seems.
     That was not fun. I tried to get a picture of Cherie to put right here and though I had deleted them all. Fixed that but it took an hour. Now lets try putting that picture here.
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Hooray, there’s the woman I love. I got to get ready to pick up Barb. I haven’t gotten much done but I did write some. Just not what I need to be writing. I will take this with me as I may be sitting out in the car for a while. Then I can start organizing the website contents. I already did it on paper just have to translate it into computerese.
     Damn I forgot the written outline for the site so will create another one and in doing so will entertain some new ideas.
     It is 10:30 at night now. I am tired and won’t fill in the rest of the day. I did get Barb to her doctor and took her to the Pharm to get cat food. When I got home Fred was waiting. As he talked about Barb he got indignant. “You know they didn’t send Barb her check again” Fred told me in a huff as we set up a time for me to take him and Barb to the grocery store. I just looked at Fred and told him she could well have gotten the check and spent the money. “No, no, I know Barb. She wouldn’t do that.” Fred protested. It is sad to see his blindness and faith in Barb. And she could well just be a victim of those around her.
     Cherie can help me fill in the rest of the day cause I don’t remember it.

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