10505 Wednesday

10/5/05 Wednesday
     Feeling like I went through a wringer. Still slow but not as bad as yesterday. Maybe a five. Maybe worse. Still waking up and the headache is making sure I don’t forget it is there. Cherie was on her last minute rush again and was trying to take care of the bills that she should have done this weekend. I said something about how she should have worked on them before she spent hours surfing the net but that upset her and she said her brain worked better in the morning. It might work better but it still works at night. How can I get through to her to not wait till the last minute, to schedule or at least prioritize needed things. Don’t know. I guess I am at a 4 because typing is hard. I keep pushing the wrong buttons and am in slow motion.
     Today I take Sharon to LMHA for her yearly evaluation. I don’t know if I will take this laptop to work on the website cause unless I sharpen up I doubt I will be able to do much. I will check E mail now.
     Jeanie sent a message. It is the small things like a how ya doing that help so much. Helps fight the loneliness and depression. She liked the picture of the woodcarving I finally figured out how to post. It is just a regular post so will go down the line each day till it no longer shows up except in the archives. Now I need to figure how to make it a part of the profile thing so it has a permanent place up front. My head is thick. Wish it would clear up. I fixed an omelet and took my pills. I think I will grab some aspirin and a tramadol for the headache. I am glad for spell check cause I keep misspelling simple words.
     Don’t even want to hear the easy listening music that is usually soothing, just as much quiet as I can get. Every noise is there even the hum of the computer and the traffic on the turnpike plus cars outside. The school bus sounded like a freight train. Great, I have all the symptoms of a hangover and I don’t drink except a glass of wine with dinner. Just so you know that was Saturday. Or maybe Thursday or Friday. I would have to look in the journal to see. I remember grilling the New York Strip steak but this brain can’t seem to put a time tag on these memories. It is one of the anomalies of my brain injury. One of the reasons I do the blog is to help others understand the confusing things of traumatic brain injury (TBI) so they can better accept those who have it, not reject them as so many have me. Of course when it is those who claim the title of Christian it hurts worse. When one of their core tenants is love, that is defined in first Corinthians 13 as long suffering, kind, not envious, not puffed up, not rude, doesn’t seek it’s own, not provoked, thinks no evil, loves the truth, bears all things, believes all things, endures all things, and they tell you not to come by when you ask for help and emotional support it seems like a definition of hypocrisy. They love when it is convenient but not when it is uncomfortable. I am sure they will be offended if they read this which in and of itself violates this tenant.
     Enough of that. Sharon called and she is at the Zeph center because of the problems Paxil is causing and I need to get her early so I can get her new prescription.      Now I am at LMHA with Sharon. I have improved dramatically since this morning. Poor Sharon is a mess from this Paxil withdrawal. She had to call an ambulance and go to the emergency ward because she was falling apart, thinking homicidal thoughts, and just generally getting confused, unable to even prepare meals.
     I took her to James pharmacy to get the prescription they gave her to help settle her down. I talked to her and could see how bad she was. She worried about everything and id just stressed to the max. She took all the information I had downloaded for her on Paxil and showed it to her doctor at the Zeph Center. This doctor was amazed that none of the drug company sales reps had said anything about this issue despite the fact that Smith Beecham Kline stopped making the drug and everyone who can’t get it will suffer withdrawals that can be so bad they lead to suicide. This is the cleverness of billion dollar corporations for they know that the pharmacists will just fill the prescriptions with the generics. Doctors will still prescribe Paxil because they don’t have a clue despite S.B.K. knowing since 1993 that the drug had some serious problems. This way they shunt the problem to the manufacturers who make the generic version of the same drug.
     It is 3:00. I have been on the move for some time now and am beginning to tire. I took Fred shopping after I took Sharon to LMHA for her yearly evaluation. She forgot the packet of paperwork and proof of income she had filled out for this. She asked me to go in with her because of the mental instability she is suffering from. The case worker gave her a new packet to fill out and I had to help her because she had difficulties understanding basic questions. We got it all done and I talked to the case worker about the drugs and prostitution at NPI properties. She said there was nothing she could do and told us the hoops anyone has to jump through to move.
     I am going to have to take something for the headache and eat something. Probably should take my second seizure pill. Yawning like crazy and I think I will take a short nap. I am to cook dinner tonight so will have to make sure I get up in time. The cat is incessantly demanding attention.
     I cooked dinner and it was not real good. Matter of fact it was nasty. As much as I hate to waste this ended up in the trash. At least the flan I cooked yesterday was terrific. Hey you win some and you throw the rest away. I always have room for improvement but all things considered I think I am a good house husband.
     Today my back pain is worse than usual. I suppose I am doing good for having broken the back once and my neck three different times. It would help if I exercised and lost some weight. There was something I was going to write about when I sat down but it is gone now. I am getting that dizzy feeling and slowing down a bit. I laid down because of the pain. May be done for the night.
     Never did figure out how to get this Outlook program to work. Still haven’t even figured out how to sign up for Hotmail. I never heard from my sons. That hurts. I don’t know what or why when it comes to them and don’t want to push. If they don’t want to have anything to do with me it is their decision. I won’t try to force myself on them. It would be nice to know one way or the other. They may just be busy. I know Bruce was going to take some urban warfare training in preparation for his return to Iraq. I would like to see him before he goes.
     My ears are ringing now. A precursor to the slow down along with equilibrium. Really slowing down. Typing in slow motion and have to look at the keys. I quit.