Tuesday, October 04, 2005

10405 Tuesday

10/4/05 Tuesday
     It is 4:10 in the morning now. I woke up at 2:00 and now at 4:00. I had one of those vivid complex dreams that seem like an entire movie in length. I also have that rare sensation of hunger. What that says about what this brain is up to I haven’t a clue. It’s just another area that works when it wants to.
     Back to the dream. This one seemed to supply a complete background history with it. All the memories were available for it. I was at a medical university hospital being trained. I had a good relationship with everyone. I had left to chase a dream or other opportunity. There had been an offer to go to a nationally televised comedy show where I was to be the butt of the jokes. That wasn’t bad as it paid well and got me into the industry. I ended up going to another medical facility to do the same kind of work I had done at the first.
     There was a strange interlude that did not fit the rest of the dream. I was slogging down a shallow river trying to get to a building in a town that looked like it came out of the set of a wild west movie. Then the water went away and I was walking on the muddy river bed which was also the main street. I had the impression that this river was dammed up every day to clean the street. I didn’t get to my destination before the dam was released so was still walking down the street when the water came rushing back. Now I struggled through the rushing water to get to the boardwalk.
     The next thing I know I am walking into the intake area of the first hospital I had worked at. It is like a big garage bay and was being cleaned up. There were not many people there but the ones who were there were in their lab coats and busily cleaning and organizing the place. As I walked in it was like I had been gone for a year or two. I looked for familiar faces and someone I was walking by looked at me and slowly recognized me. Then it got out that I was back and others I had been friends with began to come in to welcome me. One brought a sword I had made for him to show me he had been taking care of it and was both proud and happy I had given it to him. Others followed suit so I was feeling like I was coming home and these were friends I missed.
     Then the head doctor who had been running the training part of this facility came in. He too was happy to see me and shook my hand with a welcoming smile on his face. We talked and he looked closely at my face and I saw his expression as he realized I might have come by for more than just a visit. He gently broached the possibility that I might wish to return to my former position. I had been unsure I would be accepted but was happy when he confirmed my hope he would allow me back into the program. He did have one condition, that I not bring the big box of tools that I had apparently kept there before. This was fine so we talked of the TV opportunity and he laughed when I told him I was going to make $80,000 a year. “Their were going to rob you at that price” he said and I realized he was right. Then I woke up.
     It is unusual to remember this much of a dream. The last time I got up this early I was back in bed by 8:00 AM and tired much of the day after that. I think I will fix a bowl of cereal and take my pill then return to bed and wait till Cherie gets up for work so I can watch the news. I am scheduled to take Wayne to the veteran’s service commission for a food voucher this morning. I keep trying to keep my back straight as I type so the pain does not increase to the point it interferes with this activity but I keep drifting into the slouch.
     It is 8:00 now and Cherie just left for work running late as she often does. I seem to be doing very well and hope it stays that way. I need to gas up Fred’s car today so will get on the net to look up the lowest prices. As usual I let the gas go lower in the tank when it is my turn to fill it. Fred wanted me to fill at ¾ of a tank but I still want to bear the brunt of the gas so will only do that when it is his turn.
     Jan sent me an E mail yesterday that had some news which was kind of sad and a vindication at the same time. The prison ministry at Cedar Creek has evidently foundered and may no longer exist. She didn’t give details just a short note. This ministry was for me the start of a series of events that had hurt Cherie and I so much. I had been asked and actually voted in to lead the outreach to those in prison. Then someone in leadership at the church felt that her toes were stepped on because I did not go through proper procedures to take that position. I got upset about this and that is a no no in Cedar Creek. They rushed to put someone in that position who evidently was part of the inside group. I really don’t know. Kelly, the person they rushed in, is a sweetheart and we met with her and her husband. While she was impressive as an administrator she wasn’t a leader who could inspire and motivate and is more geared to social work, not ministry of this sort. I hope she isn’t offended by this and I stress it is only my personal opinion and have been wrong many times. As always I encourage any one to put their side in the comments area and if they wish I will publish it on the blog. Regardless the results speak for themselves.
     Enough of that. When the brain works I may write too much. I just called Wayne to check on taking him to the veterans commission for a food voucher. He is doing poorly this morning with increased pain and weakness. When I took him to Kroger’s yesterday he had a hard time and for the first time I remember had to sit down on his walker several times to rest. I hope the MS isn’t in aggravation mode where it increases the damage it causes. It is a shame Wayne can’t get the new medications for MS that help others so much but if your poor and on Medicaid you get only enough to keep you alive, especially in Ohio. I will take Wayne later today. He wanted to put it off till Thursday but that day is full on my calendar.
     I suppose I should fix breakfast and get moving so I can make use of this prime time while it is here. I turned off the TV. I was thinking the other day that I bitch about having to spend these times of high lucidity driving folks around but I spend some of that time in front of the Zombie vision. Need to make better use of my time and complain less. Time to get moving.
     Got all my get ready stuff done except getting dressed. It is getting warm and I just turned on the air. I sweat like crazy when it is warm and have since the injury. I figure it is something connected to the TBI cause Cherie tells me I always feel like I have a fever. I know that cold really doesn’t bother me but heat does. Of course the Bob coffee I am drinking contributes to the sweating.
     I just called my probation officer, Julie. I am just a little upset. On August 22 I had gone in for my monthly visit and we talked about my community service hours. I gave her copies of the documentation I turn in for those hours and explained that by next week I will have exceeded the court requirement. I explained to her that my grandmother was not going to live long and that I would like to get free from this probation as soon as possible so I could go to Texas to be with her. I even gave her a copy of the E mail Virginia sent telling of how Minnie Lee was going down hill and they did not know how long she would last. She promised to get the hours submitted right away so it can go through the paperwork mill and get credited. When I saw her a month later she apologized for not starting any of this paperwork. I told her that I had exceeded the requirements by far and she assured me she would get on it.
     Now she tells me that she still has not started any of the paperwork because she was sick for two days with a bladder infection and had just got back to work today. Then she promises again to get on it because she is leaving on vacation on the seventh which is three days away. I again explained my need to get this done and practically begged her to do so. She says she will get an intern to help her do it today but then goes into the same spiel she went into the last time about how long it takes the court clerks to do their paperwork. Then she started telling me that I am not high on her priority list because she has more important things to do like reports to the court.
     What am I to do? If I make waves by calling her boss or writing the judge I fear retribution. This has happened before to me and after being put into jail for a month with no charges ever being filed I feel helpless. Anything I say will be treated with the disdain almost all in the justice system have for anyone convicted of a crime. It is like I have a gun to my head and don’t dare complain. I can’t afford a lawyer and if I could I would have been done with this long ago and perhaps could have appealed this conviction for a crime I never committed. It is time to get on building the website because it will expose much of this history.
     I just called Wayne and asked him about skipping taking him to the Veterans place. He said it was fine cause he didn’t feel to hot. I tried to explain this to him but he had a hard time following and seemed pretty confused thinking I was talking about my grandmother when I was explaining my probation officer had not started the paperwork. Getting upset I decided it best to end the call before this lack of emotional control that comes with my TBI kicked in. Actually it already is so I better stay inside and avoid contact with others because the fuse is real short. God help me.

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