2/20/06 Monday
It is a bright cloudless morning. Allot warmer than it has been, now 15 degrees. It has been single digits with a wind chill of twenty below yesterday. Cherie has been working on our taxes. They are simple this year but that is going to change with us getting the farm. We will have to have an accountant do takes then, probably Billy Pinkerton who did Lee’s taxes. It will be especially complex because Larry and I will be sharing the inheritance.
I took the 100 mg pill this morning. I take the 150 mg one at night. It is my hope that the 50 mg reduction during the day will increase my times of being sharp. I’m not sure if I will tell the doctors about that. I have to be careful because they are always ready to pull my driving privileges at the first hint I might have a full seizure. I seriously doubt that will happen and the partials only slow my reaction times though I sometimes get lost. That hasn’t happened in a while. It is strange to be going down the street and suddenly not recognize anything or where you were going. I still have no problem driving when this happens cause other than my reaction times being slowed I’m OK. I just keep driving until I recognize where I am and then it’s OK. It’s kinda like being eighty years old or something.
I’m defragmenting Cherie’s computer right now. Then I will go to the gym. I have a busy day ahead. Hope I stay sharp. After the gym I will drop by River East to see if the board met about my offer to clean up the mess there. Also I would like to recover what I can of my property. Of course I will stop by and see Bernie and then call Eileen to see if she is up for visitors. I will take this laptop because it has all the research I did for her. At 1:30 I will pick up Wayne and take him to the Zeph center. I have to take there twice. Once to see his new case worker and once to see the shrink. I will go in with him to motivate the case worker about Wayne getting medical cab.
I need to get back to making to-do lists for myself so things actually get done.

Just got back from the YMCA. This time I did two sets of many of the machines. I called Holly at River East. She had just stopped in to pick up some stuff. Her attitude has changed and she thought I was copping an attitude. I wasn’t, just was trying to understand what was going on. I feel bad she thought that but never had a chance to let her know I wasn’t cause she cut the conversation short.
She said something about she thought a restraining order had been taken out on me. This is another of Mary Ellen’s lies from two years ago that persists. When I had heard about a restraining order then I checked with the courts and there had never been one issued at anytime. It would seem that they would rather throw things out than let me remove them. I guess I will have to get a lawyer. I’ll call Chuck Boyk now. I called and left a message with Chuck. Also called Bernie and Eileen and got their machines. It is frustrating to be not allowed to remedy some of the mistakes of my past.

Chuck called. He suggested I call channel 11 or 13 about the River East problem. I think I’ll do that… OK, I E mailed all three major stations. ABC,CBS,NBC. I suppose raising a stink might work but we will see. I tried to be nice, I’ve tried to do the right thing for four years, I don’t know what else to do. I still get depressed when I think about it.


Right now I am at the Zeph Center. I’m sitting in waiting room while Wayne talks with the shrink. We’ve been here an hour now. I got him here at 2:30 for his initial appointment with his new caseworker, Jennifer. She is new here at Zeph. Wayne is doing OK but is talking too much and doesn’t let Jennifer finish her question. She was paged and had to take care of some problem so asked me if I could help with Wayne answering a questionnaire. “Sure, I’d be glad to” I let her know and she handed me the form and took off.
It was an interesting questionnaire that mostly covered Wayne’s psychological state. It was hard to keep Wayne focused on the questions and I had to resist guiding his answers but we got through it. Jennifer came back halfway through. I asked if she wanted to take over but she said I was doing fine. Wayne only got confused a couple of times so I clarified by explaining what I thought they were trying to say. The form was designed to be filled out by Wayne and had multiple choice answers with boxes to check next to each answer. This was hard for Wayne when I was reading him the questions and statements. He would reply to a “How do you feel” question with “poor” despite my telling him the choices were Strongly Agree, Agree, Disagree, or Strongly Disagree.
By the time we got to the end Jennifer was smiling and occasionally laughing because of how I was conducting this interview. I like to inject humor into whatever I do when it is appropriate. With Wayne it was a little harder to do and the questions brought out many of Wayne’s psychological issues such as self esteem and the depression he must always fight.
When that was all done I ran my the house to see if I had left my phone there. I had so grabbed it. Cherie was home and reminded me that we had some chicken we bought on sale and were giving half of it to Wayne. I grabbed that and a shirt we were also giving Wayne. Then I took Wayne to Kroger for some basic food needs. That done I took him home and came home myself.

It is 7:15 now. Cherie fixed a great Chicken dinner with the marinaded chicken we get from K&J meat and like so much. After that she baked cinnamon rolls for desert. I am worn out. For me this has been a long day though I think it would not be much for most people. The conversation I had with Holly has been running in my head all day. The change in her attitude struck me first then I heard the “I don’t want to get fired” thing she had told us three years ago again. I have to wonder what kind of pressure is put on her regarding her. What is there regarding my situation that would cause so much angst that Don Monroe or someone in that organization to threaten Holly. I know she is a good and conscientious worker who has stepped up to fill the void left by Mary Ellen. (That is if she left a void. I personally think they are relieved for her to go) Is it that Mary Ellen has something she can hold over Don Monroe’s head? During my twelve years there as their second largest tenant I heard many rumors of corruption.
What I know is that when I first showed back up after the coma there was panic with Mary Ellen and Joe. They were the two who profited from selling my property. Joe was stealing and selling my stuff long before I had the accident. Something else Holly said was that she had heard what the River East people would say about me and because of that she doubted they would allow me to have anything back. What they know about me is what they heard from Joe. I can just see, in my minds eye, these guys sitting around like old fogies’, gossiping and passing judgment on me like a bunch of old women. The thing is, all they know is rumor and innuendo they heard from the very ones who were picking the bones of my companies before they, and I, were even dead.
None of them have bothered to seek the truth. The letters I wrote to the board were never presented because they were intercepted by Mary Ellen and who knows who else. Holly told me she did not present my latest letter to the executive committee this week or last week and that she didn’t think Don Monroe has seen it either.

Then Holly started on the statement I told her about taking pictures of the area and documenting the theft of items. Her tone was accusatory as if I was being a criminal. I know she was under the impression there was a restraining order on me but doesn’t know there was never a restraining order issued regarding me in any court at any time for any situation anywhere. This is another of the lies that has been circulated. Many of the people I interviewed when putting together the pieces of that period had some fantastic stories of what Joe was saying about me. He showed them a drawer with hundreds of hypodermic needles he claimed I had used. I know what needles they talked of. They were the ones I used to inject glue underneath the veneers of antiques I was restoring and were the size of nails. When I was injecting the heroin I was using I used diabetic needles and would throw them out. This was during a short period I am deeply ashamed of towards the end of my life.

Anyway, I went up and took pictures three times in three years though I did go up and look at the ashes of my life several times in that period. It was too painful for me to go up there more. I also would go up to visit Bernie and Keith and usually would go to the office first.

I almost hesitate too put this in my journal for I know several who would use it against me and I also know how some would judge me for it. But I have promised myself to live an honest and open life. There is much I am ashamed of but we all make mistakes. Most of us keep them hidden, buried deep out of sight, but fear these things coming out in the light. I now live a life I can be proud of. The old things have passed away and all things are now new. What I have gained from my past is wisdom and I use that to help others I meet on this journey.


I tried to call Eileen several times today and when she did not return any calls began to worry that she was getting sicker and possibly was hospitalized again. Finally I called her daughter Suzie. She answered and said her mom was right there and OK. I asked if she was up to talking with me. Suzie said “Yeah, if you want to wait till she’s done puking”. “Why don’t you have her call me when she’s a little more up to it Suzie” I told her. With her backbone crumbling from scoliosis and everything else going on I know my old friend is incredibly fragile right now. I always can make her laugh and she needs that now but I think her kids are trying to protect her, and they need to but I can help and strengthen her. I don’t know. Just want to help and feel helpless.

I am thinking about putting the whole story of what happened to me at River East down on paper for the board there. You know, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That way they will have more information than the lies presented by Joe and Mary Ellen who’s opinions are generated by Joe. I already have most of it down for my book.

It is getting late. It looks like my readership will exceed two hundred this month. That covers those who regularly check in and the ones who just glance at this blog as they go blogging. I don’t do that as much now. Catch too much garbage like spyware that way though I am able to blog safely by using the Blogflux and other directories. (I need to learn how to do the link thing so that readers can click on the word Blogflux and be sent there) Anyway guys, if you go to my links sidebar you will see a little box that says BF/Directory. Click on that and it will take you there. Check out John Skalza’s blog “Whatever”. He is an author with several books published. I just like his brain and attitude. Good guy, best I can tell. Goodnight all and take care. Glad I can share my life. Bob