Monday, February 13, 2006

Our first wedding. 1979. There are no pictures of the second one which was done in a pastors office when we had just gone in to talk.

2/13/06 Monday
I’m going to take Fred to get his haircut this morning and I now get mine there also. Makes sense. Why just sit around while he gets his cut. The phone rang about nine this morning. I thought it would be Fred, reminding me of the haircut but to my surprise it was Allen. I hoped he was calling to tell me he had filled out the forms and was going to Family Services but he wasn’t. “Are you busy?” he asked and I told him I was taking Fred to the barber. “What about tomorrow?” was his response and I knew what was up. “Allen I don’t have anything scheduled all week. What do you want?”. “Can you come over and help me do some work?” he replied with a question. I kept it simple “No”. Now started the “why not” sequence. Allen said “You said this was about trust. I already apologized to you. Besides what about the $80. Are you just going to walk away and not do anything?”. This was in reference to a gift he made to me that was worth maybe $80 and had later asked me to sell and give him the money. This started the whole thing and was the violation of trust referred to. Because I knew he did this so he could get money to buy more pills I told him I would no longer come around until he got the help he needed.
I just talked to Holly at River East. She is about the only one there who was not tainted by the stories Joe Pena had been spreading about me to cover what he and his friend Melvin were doing. Stories are more believable when part of them are true. I sure wasn’t acting in a way that would show otherwise. I was a mental case by the end of things at River East. I wasn’t a thief and didn’t need to steal because I had gotten a $60,000 second mortgage but I did blow through that quickly. In fact that contributed greatly to my slide into madness for it allowed me to buy as many drugs as I could pump into my system. There is no question that my severe depression had gotten to the point I no longer cared to live and was actively destroying everything I was proud of. This on top of the brain injury which had happened at the beginning of all these problems.
Enough already. I’ve written on this before. Holly said she will present my letter too the board when they next meet. I told her about more stuff disappearing and reminded her again that I had offered to pay for safe storage before. Of course this was to Mary Ellen who did nothing about it. Perhaps because I have evidence she profited from selling off my stuff. Holly mentioned again that she was told I had signed a letter giving everything to River East. Of course no seems to be able to find it but it wouldn’t surprise me if I did. Nothing mattered to me by the end. I do have to wonder if any of the money they made selling my stuff was applied to my debt. There are several I interviewed who paid a decent amount of money for what Joe had sold them. I have considered filing criminal charges against Joe or legal action to recover my personal possessions but that would be stupid. I can document some stuff but it’s all gone anyway. I need to move forward, not look back. I’ve done what I could to atone for my past mistakes.
I stopped by to see Wayne and make sure he had everything he needed. I visited a bit and talked him into playing a game of checkers which I made sure he won to build up his self esteem. It’s 4:00 and I am wearing down. Probably need to take my afternoon nap. It will always frustrate me to not be able to keep going like I used to. It is like I am eighty years old. Hard not to get depressed. I am slowing down now.

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