Saturday, February 18, 2006

This is the spring that put Big Spring, Texas on the map. Indians would stop by on their way across the desert. I hope to find similar refreshment as I travel the deserts found in some of the lives I touch.

2/18/06 Saturday
It’s a bright sunny 5 degrees outside day. We plan on going to the home show this morning. I am doing well, running a 7 on the Bob scale. Decided to only take the 100 mg. pill instead of the 150 to see if that helps me with the alertness. I can still feel the affects though and am dopey. Don’t like it but if that’s what it takes to prevent seizure I reckon I don’t have a choice. I will be seeing the VA neurologist in May. If I can remember I will ask if there are options.

5:22 – It has been a long and kinda hard day. Cherie just went over to her parents house to do a little laundry but mostly to talk with them. We went to the home show and it was OK. There was lots of stuff and we did get a few ideas but mostly a ton of literature. We have lots of research to do. Of course this spurs the dream we have. Cherie has always wanted a home and now it is in her grasp. Of course for me it a dream renewed. When we first got married twenty years ago we, like all or most young couples dreamed of life together. That was rudely quashed when I fell out of a tree, resulting in another brain injury leading to our separation. Now, after my accident and coma, we are miraculously rejoined and, despite my disability, are able to build a life and home together. Brain injury tore us apart and brain injury brought us together.
At the home show we saw many possibilities for our home and after we went to the Erie St. Market. There we went through the antiques mall. I am constantly amazed at how similar our tastes are. I pointed at a large copper bin (or something, Don’t know what it’s called) and said I liked it and Cherie said “I was looking at that too”. Life is good and I am looking forward to what we will share together. We looked and imagined what we can do with the place. Of course there is always reality but we understand that. It’s OK to dream but there is the practical side of things. I already told Cherie that we will prioritize things. First order of business is to make the house safe and livable, taking care of essentials like water and power first. After that we will develop a plan on how to put our dreams together over the following years.
I want to go back into business but need to learn what I am capable of. I’m sure I’ll be fine as long as I design a business that allows me to work when I am cognizant and to take breaks during the slow times. No stress and no big rushes cause that triggers the slow downs. The VA has programs to help those with disabilities get back to work and for that matter so does the Federal and most state governments. It would be good to get my pride back in that arena. The other consideration is writing. I am constantly hearing how impressed some are with that and enjoy writing. Actually I write to help me think things through so it is like therapy. I love woodworking and am highly skilled at it and writing also fits the criteria of something I can do during the prime times so those are paths to consider. Don’t know squat about how to earn money as a writer so need to research that.
As we went through the antique mall another thing began to come out. I would be reminded of the many antiques I had in my old warehouse. I have no problem accepting the things I lost because of decisions made while in the severe depression, that’s done. But what is hard for me is the things that I have watched being looted out of that warehouse over the last few years and have been powerless too stop. I had asked for these things to be secured and even offered to pay for safe storage but River East, primarily Mary Ellen, refused to do so. Mary Ellen consistently lied and had told Holly that I took everything I wanted and the rest was up for grabs. I asked Holly to please call me if they were going to go through that stuff and throw it out. Cherie could tell I was getting sad as we shopped but didn’t understand I was also getting angry. Nobody can feel good about being crapped on again and again.
That affected the rest of the day. Fred called and asked if I could take Barb to cash her check and get some chicken that was on sale at Kroger. He knows that I have asked to not be bothered on weekends because that is time I like to spend with my wife. And he knew I was with Cherie. “Yeah Fred, I’ll take her but I’m not dropping everything to run out and do it now. I’ll go when Cherie and I are done” I told him.
When we picked up Barb I asked her why she called me on Saturday. She lied and that’s not a good thing to do with me. “I didn’t call” she protested, “Fred told me you’d take me”. I know better cause I’ve seen Barb’s constant manipulation and told her “Barb, that’s bullshit. You know you called Fred and got him to call me. I’ve told you before I spend my weekends with Cherie so don’t pull this crap again. Not if you want me to help you”. That shut her up. At Kroger I told her to get her chicken and get out quick. Cherie and I also got some chicken cause it was a good deal (ten pounds for $2.90) and we will give half of it to Wayne. Getting out to the car there was no Barb. After waiting for five minutes I went back in to look for her with no luck. We were parked right in front at the first handicap spot but Barb said she couldn’t find the car. By the time she showed I was fuming and let her know. I hate getting mad. It’s not a good thing for me to do. I got Barb home and dumped her off. Cherie noted how simple she was. I had told Cherie that Barb operates at a ten year old level because of her brain damage but she also lies and manipulates at a ten year old level.
I let Fred know I was not happy when we got back. Cherie got the mail and in it was a packet from the MS Society that was sent in response to a conversation I had with Susan there. This will be real helpful with my getting Wayne’s approval for Social Security. Some real good stuff I will read tomorrow because right now I am tiring and have pushed to get this entry written.
I just checked the blog and am again amazed at how the number of readers is growing. One was from San Antonio so I can hope it was my sister. I am a stranger to them all and it is my hope that through this blog they can get a picture of who I am. Not just a hope but a prayer. Whatever the past, it is the future I look to build and understanding is a good foundation to renew relationships on.
We were going to visit Eileen but when I called her daughter Suzie answered. Eileen is in bed sick and has one of her cluster headaches. I wish I could do more for her but can’t work miracles. Suzie said she didn’t want anyone’s help. I’m not sure what to make of that. All I know is she’s a good friend and wanting to help goes with that.
I need to break now. It is 7:43. A headache is there but not too bad.

Cherie just came home from her parents house. It always breaks her heart to see how things are falling apart and know there is nothing she can do because they won’t allow it. Another window was broken out. The back door again torn off it’s hinges, and the list just grows. Nate, the 6’ 5” three hundred pound grandson who lives in the home with his mom and brother, still has the run of the place. It’s trashed and he won’t do simple things they ask him to. Cherie came home and just cried. I know what needs to be done but haven’t the right or power to do it. This story will continue to it’s inevitable sad end and to sit and watch is hard. Any advice??


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