Thursday, February 23, 2006

Unfinished business

Here's another woodcarving project I never finished. The list of starts that never finished is long.

02/23/06 Thursday
I love it when I wake up alert. As always I hope I stay this way but understand that won’t be. Just took my pill. Sticking with the smaller one for it appears to give me more alert time.
I was kind of drifting off, probably from the medication, when the phone rang. It was Wayne. He said he was feeling bad and didn’t want to go to the MS luncheon. I tried to encourage him and will try again later because he needs this fellowship to combat his depression.
I wrote a letter the attorney, Jim Adray, who’s furniture I had not completed prior to the wreck. I let him know that River East refused to let me access the furniture so I could complete the job with the hope they would release it to him. We’ll see. I’m trying as hard as I can. Maybe I’m trying too hard.
Called Wayne and told him I was going to come by and visit. Then I called Bernie. He was busy but we talked a bit. I will call him Saturday to see about going to get lunch.

This will require push but I must write. Went to visit Wayne. He is hurting bad and has been since Monday. I went ahead to the MS luncheon without him with the hope of learning better how to help him. I was sharp, running a good 8 or maybe 9 on the Bob scale. Joked and made folks laugh, fitting in well socially. When they started going through programs coming up such as the MS walk I could feel a slow down coming. I just sat there looking at my hands, which were clasped together on the table in front of me. I could feel little bouts of sweat and heat run over the surface of my skin.
Our food came and we all ate. I was able to do that fine but someone noticed me looking around. I wanted the salt shaker that was out of reach and had been trying to decide how to get it. Making decisions is what becomes difficult for me at these times. When I asked the gentleman next to them to please pass the salt the lady who had noticed me spoke up. “I wondered what you wanted. I saw you looking around. Give that man his salt cause he can’t start eating his meal without it” she said with good humor. I ate and listened to the conversation, no longer participating.
I was waiting to ask a question concerning medication for Wayne because everyone was talking about this med and that med they had or were taking for their Multiple Sclerosis. By the time I could ask with out interrupting I was down to a 3. I didn’t know what to expect and had debated whether to ask at all. Finally there was a break in the conversation so I ventured out.
“I would like to ask a question” I tentatively said. “Oh God” I told myself “You sound like hell”. It was what I feared. I explained I was having a slow down, a partial seizure. There were many who had input on the question but I couldn’t follow what they were saying. The lady next to wrote things down for me. She said she has similar partials so understood. I know seizures are a part of MS for some. Wayne’s doctor mentioned it. I told everyone I probably should go home now and left early. Of course the partial paralysis comes out at these times so even walking had to be done with care.
I don’t know if I have had a slow down in the middle of interacting in the public. No! I do know, Yes I have. It happened several times at Cedar Creek, often triggered by stress. I was going to get Allen and take him to family services after but not now. I’m staying home.
Now I am laying down with this laptop nestled on my raised knees. I type like this lots. I can feel the migraine coming so I took the full battery. Two aspirin, a Tramadol, and the Zomig melt in your mouth migraine pill. Closed the blinds and of course no TV or music cause I know this will be a bad one. Haven’t had too many migraines lately. That’s slowed down after a few weeks of getting hammered. This slow down doesn’t seem to be connected to the stress triggers many others are. The migraines often follow this type of seizure.
Someone in Toledo was looking at my blog this afternoon. I wonder if it is someone connected with River East? I hope so because maybe they can see I’m not the bad guy they have me pegged as.
It is hard to write. I am up to a 4 now but the headache is increasing.

It is now 4:33. I am just waking up. Not sure what level I am operating at. Never sure until I have to interact with someone. My typing speed would suggest about a 5. I had dreams in which I was confused about how to go places and do things for Wayne. The pain of my migraine is not bad at all but the strange thing is my sensitivity to sound and light are still way up there. I suppose the meds helped the pain part but not the rest.
I really missed fellowshipping with the MS bunch. Jill had come in late and her sweet spirit always lifts me and everyone else up. Denise does also. Bowling Green University has a curling program that they created for people with MS. Curling, in case you don’t know,(which would require extreme isolation because it is one of the new areas of competition in the Olympics) is kind of like shuffle board played on ice with 48 pound stone things.
Denise went there and played. She told of how her wheelchair went spinning on the ice when she pushed the disc. It was great fun to hear her talk and laugh about it. Especially because of her condition from the MS. I wish I could convey how difficult even talking can be for her. Her motor controls are such that she often needs help putting a fork to her mouth but she resolutely tries to do it herself despite help being right there. Wow, talk about intestinal fortitude. Who am I to complain about my problems. This is one of the reasons I try to make Wayne come to these monthly meetings. The bravery shown by these people with this horrible disease can be contagious.
Cherie just came home and talking with her confirms how slow I am. But enough of that. There was just a story on NBC 24 about a kid who has advanced autism. He has been on the basketball team at his high school for a few seasons. What he did was help pass balls during practice and stuff like that. This is one of those kids that everyone feels with and likes. The coach told the kid to suit up for a game. This was known to the school and many turnout for the game wearing T shirts with the kid’s face on it.
During the game he was passed the ball and tried a three pointer. He missed by six feet. Now this kid is swamped by the others on the court but they passed him the ball again. He shot and it went in. The whole place just erupted with everyone standing to their feet cheering. They passed the ball to him again and again and he consistently made his shots. This was in a real game and the energy kept increasing in the stadium. After a while I could see the opposing team being overcome with the spirit of the situation. When the game ended everyone rushed the court and picked the kid up. He had scored a record sixteen points and was named MVP. I had tears running down my face by the end of this story. It is the ones who are viewed as the least in our society who need the most. This type of support of someone with a serious disability shows a side of us that needs to be highlighted more often.

It is 6:16. I am speeding up now. Back up to an 8 or so. My head still feels funny and the right ear is ringing but my typing speed is up and thinking is not such a struggle. Nothing like being a Yo-Yo. Now if I could learn to do Yo-Yo tricks like loop de loop with this brain thing it would be more fun. At least it would drive anyone around me crazy. Oh yeah! That’s right, I already drive everyone crazy.
I sent Bruce an E mail to let him know that the city will be hiring 700 more police officers. I know he wants to get in and hope being in Iraq will not prevent him from getting his application in. Actually I would bet he has already applied.

I am doing fine and it is 9:30 at night. Hate missing out on a chunk of my day. I sent the “What happened” paper out to a big list of people. Wonder what that will do. Being honest can be embarrassing but that is it’s price. I was who I was and I did what I did. I won’t run and hide but I will live every day in a way I can be proud of.
Good night all.

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