Just wait. Something good can bloom out of any thorny situation. It's almost here.

2/17/06 Friday
I’m doing good this morning. Running a 9 on the Bob scale. As always I hope it lasts. The Mega Ball lottery is up to 146 million so I suppose I’ll buy a ticket. The Powerball is something like 350 million but I’d have to drive to Indiana to get one. Let’s see…120 million to one chance of winning…gas is $2.27 a gallon…I don’t think so.
Of course I could join the ranks of Christians who are praying and promising God all the good things they’d do if He makes them the winner. Then it would be a lottery with God, you know, who’s prayer He listens too out of the millions sent up. Fact is that kind of money destroys lives and would destroy most devout Christians because few can resist the temptations that come with wealth.
Now I have imagined, as I am sure most of us have done, what I would do if I won. I wouldn’t let others know I won or even that I had “money” because that changes how people treat you and brings out the leaches. If you don’t like me poor, why should you like me rich? I would start a non profit organization to help those who need help, like the ones I help now.
Wayne I would get housing for that’s not in “crack town” and a lawyer to get his disability from Social Security. Barb would be a bit harder. I would also like to put her in a better environment but that doesn’t make a difference if she chooses to continue her relationship with the users around her. Everyone needs friends and you can’t expect her to give up her’s so what do you do?
A couple or three years ago I wrote up a plan that stemmed from the time I wandered an the streets and experienced poverty at a level few can truly comprehend. I called this “The Dream”. It addresses the issues that are at the core of poverty and is, at least in my mind, a long term plan that can circumvent the cycle that keeps the poor, poor. How does it do this? By creating a sense of community and pride.
When I was in St. Louis I was housed in a gang banger area where crack was sold at every street corner. As is usual it was riddled with boarded up buildings, both residential and commercial. My thought was to teach some of these kids skilled trades like plumbing, electrical, and construction through renovating these buildings. Then setting them up in business’s housed in these buildings as well as augmenting home ownership. These people would be positive role models where the only other sign of success was the dope man in his Beemer with the fancy wheels. Plus, if you fixed it up or built it you would frown on someone defacing it. There’s the pride. “Hey man, don’t you mess up my place”. These areas are close knit communities where everyone knows who’s kid is who. This pride in your community is infectious and has a degree of peer pressure cause “you know his mama”. Everyone wants to be somebody, to be looked up to so just change the focus. Instead of impressing folks with how bad you are or how much money you made selling dope, impress them with success.

I just got back from meeting with Jeff. This is prime time for me. I am operating at a 9 or 10 on the Bob scale. I hope, as I always do, that this level of cognizance will remain but must face reality. It won’t. But I will make as much use of it as I can. With Jeff I did most of the talking and told him of Texas prison. How I picked cotton, chopped with a hoe till my hands were slipping on my blood, how the guards would have us fight, how they would beat us, and what it was like when the supreme court ordered desegregation. That was wild. In the criminal arena of racist Texas they threw us together. Not pretty. Jeff had lost my Blog address so I gave it to him again and told him to check out the “Timeline” by typing it into the blog search engine at the top of the blog. This just barely gives a skeletal look at the life I have lived.

12:05 – This sucks. I was doing so well. Just sent out tons of E mails to those I haven’t been in touch with and it was a bit of a chore as I had to figure out who’s addresses weren’t right. Now my ears are ringing and I am slowing down. Running about a 6 on the Bob scale but getting worse. Cherie called me about going to the home show. We had talked about it earlier because we will actually have a home in Texas. I was going to Andersons and see about discounted tickets. Probably should go quick cause may not be good to drive soon. Maybe I shouldn’t go anywhere.
I went anyway. Got $20 out of the ATM and bought a lottery ticket. Then I ran to Andersons for the home show tickets. I thought I would look around but couldn’t. Too mush stuff for me when I am slow. Walked to the first isle, which was plumbing, and quickly knew I couldn’t do this so came home where I will stay quiet with the hope I am able to go to the show. It’s for the whole weekend so if I don’t make it tonight I will later. Right now I will wash dishes and play the rest of the day by ear.