We still don't know what to do with this old school bus. I suppose I could strip it and sell the parts. Maybe I could outfit the carcass for barbeques or something.

2/8/06 Wednesday
Not doing to bad this morning. Running about an 8 on the Bob scale. I’m not sure what to expect today and need to check the calendar to see if there is anything scheduled. Nope nothing in the calendar. I fixed to egg muffin sandwiches and took my pills. Considered going to the Y but decided not to because I hope to get Cherie to go after work.
Because I am contemplating visiting Bernie I shaved. I usually don’t shave every day so I can stretch how long my razors last. It is 9:38 and I am experiencing a change. My head is getting lightheaded and the balance is off. Also I am feeling warm and have a light sweat. A headache is starting. I have to wonder if this is associated with me taking my morning seizure pill. This sucks. I am down to a 7 now on my cognizance scale. It is hard to tell unless I am talking to someone though my typing speed and ability to think things through as I write are also good gauges. I’m gong to take a headache pill now.

10:35 – It’s an hour later and my head is still a little thick. I washed the dishes with the usual increase in back pain. With that done I called Bernie to see if it would be convenient for me to visit. He had just taken over as commander of the VFW post and was swamped with that and his work. He was very friendly and open which I was glad to see. I am always nervous about seeing old friends because of my actions prior to the accident. He asked for my address and phone number and said he would like to meet for lunch.
After talking to Bernie I sat for a while to process this and then called River East. I was hoping to get Holly but Don Monroe answered. The last time I saw him I was walking in the building as he was walking out. I said hi and he said something about me being a thief. Because of this I expected a cold reception and was surprised when Don didn’t just brush me off but asked me to hold on as he covered other calls. I told him about offering several times to clean up my old shop area and he was surprised. He had never been told this by Mary Ellen whom he said no longer worked there. He asked me to write again and he would present it to the board. I will do that now before it vanishes from this brain.
I managed to get the letter written but it took me an hour. Here is a copy of it.

To Don Monroe, River East
I have offered several times to clean up the mess left in my former woodshop, once in writing. These offers were made to Mary Ellen who said I was not to be in the building and that if I returned she would call the police. At one point she did allow me to try to recover what personal property and records I could find under the supervision of a maintenance employee. My wife and I only had a short time to find these items by digging through the rubbish left by those who have scavenged what they could over the last five years.
I would still like to clean up this mess as best I can. I am permanently disabled from the injuries I received but can still do some things. I wrote a letter of apology for my condition prior to the car wreck that I handed out to residents and left a copy with Mary Ellen. I now assume she never let anyone see it.
I know this offer would be considered unusual but I have been trying to correct as many of my mistakes as I can.

I took out the addresses and phone numbers as I don’t want any of you following my story to call there. While I am sharing this I suppose it would be helpful to my readers to show you the copy of the letter of apology I wrote three years ago.

This is a letter of apology and explanation. I woke from a coma just before Christmas 2001. I had incurred brain damage resulting in partial memory loss and paralysis as a result of an accident I had while traveling to Texas to visit my sick grandmother. I have spent the last three years recovering my health and restoring my memory. That process involves interviewing those who knew me and with those triggers I am able to access the memories locked in my brain.
Much of what I have learned is not pleasant. I was declared dead at the accident and brought back through the wonders of medical science. As I lay in the hospital I had much time to think about this. My life is a gift and I will make as much use of this gift as I can. Thus I apologize for any wrongs I have done. I would greatly appreciate it if you could tell me any details you may be aware of. I have recovered much but there are still some gaps. I do not expect to hear much good so do not hesitate to share.
In 1999 I had fallen from my pallet racking knocking myself out and breaking 2 ribs. I was given a prescription of oxycontin for pain. I was unaware this is a highly addictive form of synthetic heroin. My secretary Eileen tells me that I went through a drastic personality change becoming an ass to use her words. Also at this time I had caught my wife having sex with another man. While I was no angel myself this tore me up and I eventually moved out of my house into the warehouse. It was the start of a long bitter divorce and a depression that was to become progressively worse.
My drinking and drug use escalated adding to the depression. At Joe Pena’s urging I hired his friend Melvin Losek. Melvin was selling me drugs and at the same time stealing from me. When Joe found out I was setting up cameras to catch Melvin stealing he of course let him know. Melvin quit and I filed charges against him. Then Melvin’s wife and dad showed up with a computer they claimed to buy from me that had been stolen downstairs. I have also learned that Joe was aggressively spreading stories about me. They were generally not true and it is my personal opinion that they were designed to cover his and Melvin’s actions.
There is no question that at the end I was not sane but I was not a thief. This is not a justification of my behavior, which I am deeply ashamed of, but an explanation of the events involved. I want everyone to know that I am drug free and that I am determined to be a man I can be proud of. Please accept my apology.

Honesty is seldom comfortable but without it one is just another who puts up a false face for the world to see. That is a crowd I don’t wish to join. I would much rather be with the few who share my philosophy but they are hard to find. As you can see on the plaque I carved after I woke up part of that philosophy is to live a life you can be proud of. I feel it takes more of a man to humble himself and face his mistakes than it does to run and hide.
I had to go back to bed from 11:00 to 1:00 because I was not doing to good. Took a little nap and that helped allot. There has been a general dull headache there all day which is no big deal for me. It was the migraine like I had yesterday that just puts me out of commission.
I E-mailed Virginia to see how she was and to ask how it went with the lawyer Friday. She didn’t reply so I called her at work. I don’t know if I caught her at a bad time or what but she was uncomfortable so I kept it short. Evidently she did not go see Jim McGilvray, Lee’s attorney, Friday like we thought. She did say she had a big load of papers to fill out for this.
I called the lawyer to see how things were going and to try and determine a timetable for all this. He said Virginia was scheduled to see him next Friday and that it would take a couple of months after that. I asked for a copy of the will and he said to call the courthouse. His secretary gave me the number but when I called it I got the bank. I talked with the banker a bit about things and then got the courthouse number from her.
Suzie Holt is the clerk of courts and told me that the will had not been filed. She said it may have been filed at another county but it is usually filed in the county the property and assets are. She was very helpful in telling me how things proceed and suggested I get a lawyer. I’m sure she tells everyone that but I don’t think I will need one and besides that they cost money. I’m to cheap and feel it would be a waste of money. As a general rule I don’t have a high opinion of lawyers, at least not the ones I have had dealings with up here.
If there’s a problem then I’ll get one in a heartbeat but I figure any problems would come from Larry. We got along the last time we talked so that should not be an issue. Who knows which way the wind will blow when it gets down to it. I had mentioned to Suzie that the house had been ransacked more than once. She told me that would be a criminal matter that I should let the sheriff’s department know about. I don’t see what good that would do. Not even CSI could figure out who stole what or even what was taken. Maybe they could keep an eye on the place though.
Cherie just fixed a nice simple dinner. We talked about what we would like to grow in the garden when we move to the farm. Pretty much a little of everything. I think I will need to do some studying on this. Actually not too much cause I had a large garden at the house I owned in Temperance where I grew what I called a salsa garden. Lots of different varieties of tomatoes, peppers, and a spices. One of the things we will grow for sure is some good sweet corn. Michigan has some of the best corn you can find and I will be sure to get seeds before we go.
I just told Cherie to sketch out what she would like for a sewing area to give me an idea so I can plan on how to build it. We are going to make this house as self sustaining as possible. Some of the things like rain water harvesting, solar and wind electricity, and basic insulation have government incentives to reduce the cost. Figuring out a cost benefit ratio will take a little studying. I know water is an issue because the well is in bad shape along with the plumbing.
We’ve looked into composting toilets and that looks like it’s feasible. It will be strange to use a toilet with no water but they’ve been using them in Europe for decades. Besides it turns waste into fertilizer. I’m going to have two composting areas. One will be a worm pit and the other a standard rotary composter. This will allow us to turn all the vegetative and grass clippings into humus for the garden. The table scraps that contain meat and fats will be fed to the chickens who will then turn it into fertilizer.
Lots of plans but I will have to prioritize them. I am unsure what I can actually get done so will have to take care of the basics first. I always push myself and am motivated so it should be alright. But I am working with a disability whether I like it or not. I really don’t like facing that fact and have pretended it didn’t exist to my detriment before.
I just got an E-mail reply from Virginia. I always appreciate communication. She said the boss from Midland was there when I called so I’m glad I detected my call was inconvenient. She said the will was filed in Martin county so I suppose Suzie just didn’t find it. She will go to see Jim the lawyer Friday and will let me know how things are proceeding. The CS number I found for Lee’s insurance was a big help and I am glad I was able to do something to help instead of being in the way.
It’s 9:31 now. The headache has been there all day but is more noticeable now. I will go ahead and publish this and take some aspirin and go to bed. Cherie’s got the Grammy’s on. Goodnight