Friday, February 10, 2006

I can't help but to put pictures of Cherie here. It is good to be in love. She is my caretaker and my partner. As I write this I remember I fixed meatballs and Alfredo sauce with spagetti for dinner. It was good. I am not doing so well right now. It is the end of the day.

2/10/06 Friday
I am at the Pilgrims church right now. Picked up Barb, Dawn, and Dee to bring them here. Barb asked if I could take them to the Pharm and I said no. Then, as they talked with each other, I heard Barb say she only had $11.00 and the other two said they had no money. One of the problems Barb has is shoplifting and frankly I don’t want to be around that. I don’t know about the others but if they are broke there is no legitimate reason they have to go to a store. I might be wrong but just don’t feel like taking them.
I didn’t get any sleep last night as my mind was plagued with the memories and emotions stirred by my visit to River East. After laying awake in bed I got up at 1:00. Cherie was snoring loudly. She woke as I stirred and I asked her to roll on her side as that sometimes helps. It did but now she was restless and every little noise like the drip from the bathroom faucet just reverberated in my ear. I got up and toyed with this computer on the internet till 3:30 when I tried to go to sleep.

It is 9:28 PM now. At this moment I find it difficult to recall my day. Much of it will come to me as I write. I know I was to meet Jeff for our Friday morning breakfast but he called to say he couldn’t make it. I am slow right now (Slow is what I call the partial seizures I have) Around dinner time I was at what I call prime time level, about a 9 on the Bob scale. Now I am operating at a 4 or so. It’s hard to think through a fog but I don’t quit. Another headache is on the way.
Back to recalling this day. After taking Barb and gang home I called Wayne (The guy with MS I helped get off the street and in the system so he could have a life of sorts) I haven’t just visited him in a while, just took him to stores and doctor appointments, so this time I just came over to give him some company. I got him to play checkers to make him use his brain. This is something he needs because of the mental degradation from the Multiple Sclerosis. I used to play chess with him but it was too much for him. I coached him at checkers and made mistakes so he could feel like he was doing well. This is good for his confidence. I ran to the store and bought some eggs for him and got milk and bread for Fred. Wayne’s MS is progressing and his right arm is becoming less functional. It is a shame he cannot access some of the medication that has been developed for MS. When you are poor you just watch others do well as you die.
It is spotty what I did next but I do know that I called Allen. For those of you who haven’t been following things Allen is an old friend from before I went to sleep for a month. He is manic depressive and suffers from serious chronic pain. This has led to his addiction to pain killers, with Oxycontin being at the head of his list. It is sucking him dry. Because it is the drug that led to my self destruction (Nah! I can’t put all the blame on the drug) I understand what he is and will go through. After he tried to again take advantage of my short term memory loss I wrote him a letter telling him the only way I would come around him was if he sought the medical help he needs. This was a couple of weeks or so ago and we haven’t talked.
He was actually awake at 1:30 in the afternoon and answered to phone. (I am having a hard time writing this. The last two paragraphs took an hour. I will have to continue this tomorrow.)

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