Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Lost most of a day

Carman kitty just jumped in my lap and comforted me with his need for affection. Purring and climbing on my chest to rub his head under my chin, then stroking my face with his cheek as he enjoyed my pets. It is when you give love that you feel best, at least for me. This is why animals are used in hospitals and even prisons to help bring that comfort and alleviate fears and pain. There is a connection we have with all life.

I need to lie down now. Getting dizzy. That coupled with the headache and being slow does not bode well.

I was right. Lost a day to the slow down. It’s 4:00 now and I just got out of bed. Called Cherie and could hear in my voice how slow I am. At least the migraine is better. Cherie said she thought it was because I had two early days in a row and yesterday was a hard one. That bothers me. I used to run two companies and work an eighty hour week. I don’t want to be this delicate. I want to get up and run damn it, get things done. I don’t like having the illusion that I am getting back to something resembling my former self broken.

I repoured the dishwater that had long since grown cold since I poured it this morning and washed the dishes. I ran a search on the bedroom computer and came up with over three hundred cookie recipe’s. I am determined to do something. Don’t care how slow I am. Will pare that down. Cherie said she will make crab cakes when she gets home. I hate this fog.

Cherie’s home. I am performing Bob cooking. It is always interesting when I am slow and try to cook. I found a cookie recipe that looked interesting so began on it. The Betty Crocker software puts the recipe up but sometimes it won’t all fit on the screen. I was running back and forth from the bedroom where the computer is to the kitchen. Most of the way through I noticed that the recipe required some kind of vanilla of peppermint candy. Too late now.

It’s 7:45 and I am still not doing well. The cognizance level has increased but I am unstable on my feet, kinda like I’ve been drinking or something. Running about a 6 on the Bob scale.

We went to the Direct Buy orientation at 6:30. Sharon called just as we went in. Sharon found a better place run by NPI properties that she said was up near us. Unfortunately LMHA hasn’t done the inspection required and may not get to it for a month. This would mean she will have to go back to her other place, where she got beat up, and stay for that time. She has tried to get things speeded up at LMHA with no luck so I offered to help. She is a bit unsure about everything, which is a good indication of her current emotional state. Her voice was slurred, probably from the damage done when she was beat. Her eye socket was broken and she requires plastic surgery. I told her I could light a fire under LMHA’s ass and that would require her signing a document giving me permission to represent her. Here I am, barely able to take care of myself, much less Wayne and wanting to take on more. I can’t help it. I see those who are helpless and beat down in life and have to reach out a hand. I wish I had more strength and mental presence to do these things. As it is I only do a half ass job for the ones I have taken on. I suppose something is better than nothing.

You can tell it was a hard day by how brief my entry is. It is frustrating for me to lose these days like this. I’ll call it a day now.

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